


even if the skies get rough

by corgs



Series: take it easy (on my heart) [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Death, Single Parent!AU, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-09-03 04:08:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 62,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8696026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corgs/pseuds/corgs
Summary: Taekwoon thinks Hakyeon is a likable person– friend if he was being nice– who’s a glutton for his black forest mousse cake.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the Neo backstory of "It Runs in the Family" and it's like the complete opposite of it haha.  
> This can be read as a standalone, though if you read IRitF, this fic will give more background knowledge of the overall AU. 
> 
> Title is from Jason Mraz's "I Won't Give Up"  
>  ~~sorry for being basic~~  
>  Edit: I added a scene because the flow was bothering me 

“Wake up, wake up, wake up!”

Taekwoon rolled over.

“Hyung!”

He groaned and moved the comforter just a crack so his eye could peek out of the warm blanket cocoon he wrapped himself in. Taekwoon didn’t know what possessed him to hand a spare key over to Jaehwan except he did and remembering the reason made him want to return to a dreamless sleep.

Taekwoon buried his head back under the covers.

Jaehwan sighed, “Look, I’m going to bring Sanghyuk to daycare now so you better be ready by the time I come back.” He gave Taekwoon a soft pat on what he guessed was Taekwoon’s shoulder and left the room to go into the one across the hall. Taekwoon heard Jaehwan gently rouse Sanghyuk. The four year old moaned a bit before he was lead into the hall and into the bathroom.

The muffled sound of running water, followed by rustling that came from the kitchen, were the last things Taekwoon registered before he closed his eyes.

**

“Oh my god, hyung! I was gone for thirty minutes!” Jaehwan exclaimed with exasperation as he forcibly tore the comforter off of Taekwoon.

“Cold…” Taekwoon turned his back towards Jaehwan and curled into himself for warmth.

“I swear you’re doing this to me on purpose…” Jaehwan muttered to himself as he took a few steps towards Taekwoon’s closet and began sifting through hangers of clothing, “The cafe isn’t going to open itself, y’know.” A few moments later, fabric was thrown onto Taekwoon’s legs. He looked up at Jaehwan, “I’m dressed.”

Jaehwan looked at him appalled, “You are not wearing your pajamas to work. You co-own the place, for goodness sake!”

“It’s not like anybody’s going to see me,” Taekwoon mumbled as he sat up but replaced his sleeping top for the black t-shirt Jaehwan deemed work appropriate. He had chosen to exclusively work in the back for the past three months and so far, Taekwoon doesn’t think any of the customers have seen him.

Taekwoon heard Jaehwan softly sigh for what was probably the hundredth time this month and they were only five days in, “I think you should be well past the depression stage at this point.” The older glared at him, wanting to voice that no, this wasn’t some video game where you level up, move on, and forget everything from before. Instead, he stood up and deftly placed a silver ring on his left ring finger.

It wasn’t going to be a good morning, or even day, for Taekwoon. He knew it the moment he opened his eyes five different times throughout the night feeling empty. Out of spite, Taekwoon ignored Jaehwan as he cleaned himself up in the bathroom and walked out of his apartment and into the stairwell without a word, leaving Jaehwan to literally chase after him.

“I’m going to keep my mouth shut because we also have a business relationship, but all I’m going to say is that you can’t keep on being like this,” Jaehwan yelled after him, only a flight of stairs behind Taekwoon. Once Taekwoon reached the lobby floor, he opened the door that lead to the lobby and swiftly walked through it to the entrance. When he got outside, it didn’t take Taekwoon much searching to find Jaehwan’s car and went over to it.

He kept his back turned to where Jaehwan would be approaching from and closed his eyes as he rested his side against the car. Taekwoon knew he wasn’t treating Jaehwan fairly and that the younger was right, but he really couldn't find much drive to do anything about it.

**

The rest of the day thankfully goes by without incident (although he felt terribly sluggish) and Taekwoon reflected on how he definitely could have have gone to the cafe in his pajamas as Jaehwan drove them back to Taekwoon’s apartment with Sanghyuk in a booster seat in the back. Sanghyuk was dozing off in the back while Taekwoon quietly watched the city scenery blur past them. The cafe was a short drive from Taekwoon’s apartment when it wasn’t rush hour, which Taekwoon had always been thankful for.

When they pulled into the apartment’s parking lot, Taekwoon carefully lifted Sanghyuk into his arms and walked into the building with Jaehwan close behind. As soon as they walked into his apartment, Jaehwan flitted over to the kitchen while Taekwoon helped Sanghyuk get ready to bathe.

“Dad,” Sanghyuk called out. Taekwoon looked down at Sanghyuk as he grabbed fresh clothes for Sanghyuk, “Yes?”

Sanghyuk shuffled his feet with what Taekwoon thought looked like nervousness, “Can we make cookies today?”

It was going to be messy and the last thing Taekwoon wanted to do was clean it, and the dishes, up. He wasn’t in the mood for it either, “Maybe another day? Dad is really tired today.”

The four year old reacted with a look of defeat and a small, sad frown, “Um, okay.”

Taekwoon turned on the shower head and motioned for Sanghyuk to climb into the tub when the water turned warm, “I’m sorry Hyogi.” He felt like he was sorry for a lot of things towards his son these days.  

“It’s okay,” Sanghyuk mumbled. Taekwoon helped Sanghyuk wash his back, but otherwise let the four year old do it himself. The bathroom was silent, save for the sound of water and scrubbing. Once Sanghyuk was done washing himself, Taekwoon passed him a towel and left the bathroom to let Sanghyuk dry and dress himself.

The sizzling from the kitchen met Taekwoon’s ears as soon as he left the bathroom. He strolled over to the kitchen and sat down at the table where two sets of chopsticks and a smaller set were laid out on the table with napkins. Taekwoon idly played with one of the napkins when Jaehwan brought three plates– kimchi, sauteed chicken, steamed vegetables– to the table.

“I made extra of everything for you,” Jaehwan stated then retreated back to the kitchen for three bowls of rice.  

Jaehwan sat in the chair diagonal of Taekwoon so that Sanghyuk would sit adjacent from Taekwoon and across from Jaehwan.

“What’re you doing for Sanghyuk’s birthday?” Jaehwan asked quietly, being mindful of Sanghyuk being within earshot. Taekwoon closed his eyes in fatigue. He had forgotten it was already June and that Sanghyuk’s fifth birthday was in less than a month. He didn’t want to think about it.

“I don’t know,” Taekwoon replied with a similar quietness, attention redirected to the napkin he was folding and unfolding.

Taekwoon didn’t need to look up to know the look Jaehwan was giving him.      

**

Jaehwan slid a plate of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches cut diagonally onto the workstation table and into Taekwoon’s line of vision the following day during their lunch break. He then hoisted a stool over so he could sit across from the older, causing Taekwoon to grow suspicious. The sandwich was his go to comfort food and he would be lying if he said he hadn’t been consuming it more often these past few months.

“What?” Taekwoon frowned as Jaehwan made himself comfortable. They had made it through the first half of the day without speaking to the other about things outside of the cafe’s operations. Taekwoon guessed it was only wishful thinking to believe the rest of the day would play out similarly.

The other fidgeted a bit, face broadcasting his awkwardness as he spoke, “Look, you know I’m bad at doing the whole serious talk thing so keep that in mind when you start causing physical harm to my beautiful body and also please have mercy on my equally beautiful nose.” Jaehwan then shoved one of the slices into his mouth.

Taekwoon inhaled deeply, “Jaehwan, I’m not doing this.”

As he pulled away, Jaehwan grabbed his wrist, “I don't want to do this as much as you so sit your ass down and let me say what I need to say.”

Taekwoon tugged his wrist out of Jaehwan’s hold, decisively keeping his eyes on the back wall behind Jaehwan’s head as he took a sandwich slice for himself.

“We get that it’s only been three months but the way you've been lately has Wonshik and I worried,” Jaehwan confessed.

“You two don't need to worry about me. I’m fine,” the unspoken, _as fine as anybody in my situation_ , hanged in the air.

“No, you're not. You've been worse lately— you stare off into space more often, you're much more listless, you barely eat when I’m not forcing you to, and I’ve started wondering if you even pay attention to Sanghyuk anymore.” Taekwoon immediately glared at Jaehwan with a sudden burst of anger. How dare he assume—

Jaehwan could feel Taekwoon’s mood radiate off him and snapped before Taekwoon could get a word in, the volume of his voice steadily increased, “I am literally the one that makes sure you get out of bed every morning and whenever I do, it's like you forget that the world is still turning, that you're not the only person on this earth. I feel like if I’m not around, you’ll forget to even eat and shower.”

“People still need you and,” Jaehwan sighed with a shaky breath and rubbed his face with his hand in exhaustion, “Sanghyuk told me he misses his mom _and_ dad. So honestly, can you blame me for thinking the way I am? There's only so much I can do for you Taekwoon-hyung, but being a parent isn't one of them.”

Taekwoon opened his mouth, but then closed it. He bit his bottom lip as he turned his head to the side, brows scrunched though it was hard to tell through his bangs. The tension in the air between them grew thick but dispersing it was the last thing on his mind.

“I don't think Nayoung-ie would want you living like this,” Jaehwan said lowly, “She always did say your real smiles made her heart flutter.” Taekwoon took a staggered breath, fighting back the itch of tears as he unconsciously twisted his ring. It had been a long time coming, but still Taekwoon expected to open his eyes every morning and see that it was all a horrible dream.

Jaehwan reached across the table to hold Taekwoon’s hands in both of his, “If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for Nayoung and Sanghyuk.” Except Taekwoon didn’t know how to start, or even if he wanted to change. The fondness of the past looked much more appealing than the uncertainty of the future.  

“I don’t even know,” Taekwoon finally mumbled quietly, clenching his hands around Jaehwan’s.

“That’s why you have me, Wonshik, and everybody else,” Jaehwan gave a small smile. “As long as you want to be able to look forward to mornings again, that’s all you have to do. Small steps.”

Taekwoon nodded.

**

Jaehwan forced Taekwoon out behind the counter the next day just as customers were starting to come in. He should have known better than to trust in Jaehwan to take things slow– give him an inch, he’ll take a mile. Taekwoon stared at Jaehwan, who was peeking through the kitchen door window, with shock and mild panic. Jaehwan threw him a peace sign and proceeded to abandon Taekwoon to the masses.

“Ah, Taekwoon! I haven’t seen you in ages!” Taekwoon turned around to face a middle-aged woman he recognized as a regular.

“Oh, yes. I hope you have been well,” he answered softly.

“Yes, yes! It’s good to see you look as handsome as ever!” the woman laughed and Taekwoon flushed, “I, er, thank you...”

“Of course dear. I should probably order now– don’t want to hold up the line.” Taekwoon nodded dumbly as he proceeded to write the order down and ring her up. He began to fill orders every other person and nearly messed up half of the drinks. Taekwoon didn’t have the time for his anxiety to creep in as his brain went into overdrive trying to make sure everybody was getting their orders in a timely fashion.

Many of the people who came in commented on Taekwoon’s absence and expressed their happiness to see him, not that they had anything against “adorable Jaehwan and his aegyo.” It was overwhelming to suddenly speak more than ten words in a given hour and by the time the morning rush died down, Taekwoon wanted to collapse with fatigue.

While he was rearranging the pastries on display, a cup was thrusted into his face. Taekwoon took the cup and took a sip of it (vanilla latte). Jaehwan sat on the counter, looking at Taekwoon with a snicker.

“What?”                      

“Oohh, Taekwoon-ah! So handsome~! You should eat more~!” Jaehwan said in a high-pitched voice. Clearly Jaehwan overheard the various exchanges between Taekwoon and the older women that came in.

“Ah, oh, no. Th-thank you. Have a good day…” Jaehwan then murmured softly, putting a hand over his mouth in a motion of embarrassment. Taekwoon punched Jaehwan’s shoulder, “Yah.”

Jaehwan pouted as he rubbed his shoulder, “It wasn’t that bad though, right? Your first day back in society? Outside of nice mothers showering you with compliments, that is. I’m surprised you haven’t gone catatonic at this point.”

“I'm too tired for this,” Taekwoon complained, cracking his neck.

“I'm going to take that as a no, it wasn't that bad.” Jaehwan skipped around the counter, “You up for doing the afternoon shift too?”

No, Taekwoon was up for going home and calling it a week. It was a lot to take in all at once and he didn't think he would even make it through the day without his anxiety eventually kicking in fully. Now that he was given the chance to think, his worries over his customer etiquette and people skills surfaced.

Jaehwan was able to instantly tell at a glance and gave Taekwoon a supportive pat on the butt.

Taekwoon groaned, “Why do you like touching my butt anyways?”

“It's my way of showing I care,” Jaehwan grinned as he pushed Taekwoon over with his hips, “Just make sure to pop the macarons into the oven whenever they're tacky. The oven’s preheated already so put it in for ten minutes and then rotate the pans for another ten. I swear they better turn out right or else…”

The last part was muttered under Jaehwan’s breath, most likely him talking to himself.

“Oh,” Jaehwan added as an afterthought, “clear up your Saturday night, even though I already know you have no plans.”

Taekwoon narrowed his eyes, “I’m not doing it.”

“I didn't even say I was gonna make you do anything!”

“Ten plus years of knowing you says enough.” And then Taekwoon left to go watch Jaehwan’s macaron batter dry.

“Also, you better not eat out of the peanut butter jar!” Jaehwan called out.

He was going to eat out of it. Jaehwan didn't scare him.

**

Taekwoon went home that day much more tired than usual. He especially didn't want to deal with cooking anything so he threw the extra food Jaehwan made the other night into the microwave once the rice was done. Sanghyuk was preoccupying himself with a coloring book at the dinner table, humming random notes. Save for that, and the sound of the microwave, the apartment was silent.

This was, more or less, how it has been for the past few months. Around this time last year, there would be giggles and cheerful laughter that would flow into the kitchen as Taekwoon cooked a fresh meal.

The difference between then and now was jarring and unsettling.

“Oops…” Taekwoon heard Sanghyuk mumble as the microwave beeped at him that the food was warm. He took the dish out and brought it over to the table. There was a long stroke of red that ran off of Sanghyuk’s coloring book and Sanghyuk looked up at him with his mouth wide with shock.

“It’s okay,” Taekwoon put down the food and went back into the kitchen to get a wet towel to clean up the crayon. He scrubbed at the mark until it was much lighter.

Sanghyuk moved his coloring supplies to the side of the table, “Sorry Dad…”

He should scold Sanghyuk for not being careful, but he just ruffled his son’s hair as he retreated to the kitchen for the rice.

Taekwoon ate in silence while Sanghyuk gorged himself on chicken.

“When can we go eat meat?” Sanghyuk asked with his mouth full. Taekwoon gave him a look that Sanghyuk caught onto and so he repeated his question after swallowing his food.

“Do you want to eat some for your birthday?”

Sanghyuk brightened up, “Yes!”

“Can we get a dog?” Sanghyuk requested with confidence after a pause, as though he believed Taekwoon was suddenly in an agreeable mood.

“No.”

A moment later and then, “Can we get a cat?”

“When you're older.”

“Mom would’ve let me have one now,” Sanghyuk said lowly, eyes pointed towards the side of the table.

Taekwoon didn't want to think about hypotheticals, “Finish your dinner Sanghyuk.”

Silence fell onto the dinner table as Sanghyuk stopped asking questions and Taekwoon began to mindlessly eat as he spaced off. A few minutes later, Sanghyuk propped his chopsticks across his bowl to signify he was done and scooted himself out of the chair with the bowl and utensils in hand.

“I miss Mom,” Sanghyuk confessed softly before he scurried off to put his stuff in the sink. Taekwoon waited for Sanghyuk to run back into his room before putting his face down into his hands, appetite gone. (If a nonexistent appetite could become even more nonexistent, that is.)

**

“Wonshik.”

“Yes hyung?”

“I’m going home now.”

Wonshik squeaked when Taekwoon started heading down the dark street and clung onto his arm to stop him, “What’re you doing?!”

Taekwoon started wondering if Wonshik had finally become hard of hearing after all the nights he spent in loud clubs and rap showcases, “Home.”

“I know you said that but you're _walking_!”

“It's not that far.”

“Hyung, you live five miles from here. That's a _really_ far walk.”

“So?”

“There's also creepy bugs everywhere!”

That was a minor detail Taekwoon had neglected to take into account. He swiftly turned around and whipped his phone out to download Über. Wonshik, who was witnessing this unfold, snatched Taekwoon’s phone out of his grasp before he could input his password to download the app.

“Hyung I’m sorry but not really because Jyani and I think you need a change of scenery,” Wonshik raised his arms up as a means to defend himself from a closely approaching Taekwoon.

He never agreed to this and he told Jaehwan he wasn't going through with whatever hair-brained scheme he and Wonshik had concocted for his Saturday night. In the end, they had tricked him into coming out by claiming there was a new ramen place that opened up at a late hour.

Why did he like ramen so much? “One, I’m too old for this. Two, I’m too tired for this. Three, your pet names for Jaehwan are nauseating.”

Wonshik countered, “You're not too old and you're not even that tired because I know you were excited for ramen. Also, Jyani deserves all the cute nicknames in the world. So, if you want your phone back, you're gonna have to try and get it.”

Wonshik then started walking away, expecting Taekwoon to follow after him but he stood in place, “I don't need my phone to find my way home.”

“Pleaseeee? You don't even need to be there that long; stay for my part at least! I’ll even buy you food!” Wonshik pleaded, immediately changing his tactics.

Taekwoon side eyed the street, contemplating his choices, “Buy me a KitchenAid.”

“Hyung I’m not made of money! And I’m positive you have a perfectly functioning one at home.”

“Buy me the ice cream attachment.”

“Okay!” Wonshik instantly agreed happily as he hooked his arm with Taekwoon’s and placed Taekwoon’s phone back into the owner’s pocket, “Let’s go! I’m so excited for you to hear what I came up with!”

“There better be good desserts,” Taekwoon huffed as Wonshik dragged him off into a inconspicuous building.

Although it was pleasantly warm outside, a burst of humid air immediately hit Taekwoon’s face when they entered the building Taekwoon recognized as a club Wonshik frequented since their college years. He hadn't given much thought to the clothes Jaehwan threw at him to put on– white v neck tee and what was probably his tightest pair of black jeans– but with Jaehwan, he always made sure to match clothing to the occasion.

The faint sound of bass heavy music thrummed through the walls when they first walked into the club and grew louder as they ventured further in. This was the last place Taekwoon wanted to be. The crowd and inherent musk of alcohol that floated through the air were among many elements Taekwoon typically disliked.

“My performance is in twenty minutes and I have to go prepare!” Wonshik shouted once they reached the main part of the club. “Just sit somewhere and wait. I’ll tell Minhyuk to get you something.”

Before Taekwoon could protest, Wonshik ran off, leaving the older awkwardly standing in the seating area. Taekwoon sighed and decided to sit down at one of the small tables tucked into the corner farthest from the dance floor, a small candle the only decor. Though no matter where he would have chosen to sit, he would be positioned to have a direct view of the central part of the club.

The majority of the club was dark, save for the strobe lights focused on the dance floor and soft glow of lights around the bar. Taekwoon leaned back in the metal chair and stretched his legs out under the table. He wasn't sure what Jaehwan and Wonshik were trying to do but if they wanted Taekwoon to see a different set of walls, a club was not it.

He sighed as the next song, a pop song, started up. What was he doing here?

“Taekwoon!” He was pulled from his thoughts once he heard his name being called out. Taekwoon looked up at the person who had approached his table, his hair a fiery red.

“Minhyuk,” he said in acknowledgement to the other. Taekwoon rested his hands in his lap once he realized he was fiddling with his ring on the table in plain view.

“It's been a while.” Minhyuk’s expression softened, “Are you holding up okay?”

Taekwoon didn’t want to think about it so he gave Minhyuk a nod to get the other to move on from the subject. Minhyuk gave a small smile and placed a colorful drink in a tall glass on his table, followed by a lava cake, “Wonshik-ie told me to feed you an endless supply of sweets and alcohol.”

“This is all on Wonshik’s tab,” Taekwoon stated as he took a bite of the lava cake and hummed with approval, “Tastes better.”

“Yeah, I managed to convince Hyunsik to take the job last year so eat to your heart’s content or until you blow Wonshik’s tab through the roof. I’m sure you're here against your will,” Minhyuk laughed as he gave Taekwoon the dessert menu.

“They said there was a new ramen place,” Taekwoon grumbled as he browsed the menu.

Minhyuk patted Taekwoon’s shoulder sympathetically, “Well you can tell me what you want and I’ll get one of the guys to bring them out. Wonshik is debuting a few new tracks tonight but the other shows are worth the watch.” He then threw a wink at Taekwoon.

Taekwoon chose to ignore the last part and gave the menu one last look over, “Can I get a lemon bar, slice of fudgey chocolate cake, green tea ice cream, and tonight’s cheesecake special? Also your most expensive non-alcoholic drink.”

“It’s almost eleven at night but I already know you're going to inhale all of that,” Minhyuk shook his head as he wrote down the order, “If you need anything else, let me know.”

“Okay,” Taekwoon said and Minhyuk walked off.

**

Fifteen minutes pass and every so often, applause would resound through the club. For the most part, Taekwoon found escape in his phone.

At the sound of plates clacking onto his table and a chair being pulled out, Taekwoon looked up from his phone. He didn't recognize the person, clad in tight dark pants and equally tight black shirt, who was now seating himself at his table. The man was taller than the average person and he had a soft face framed by forehead-concealing bangs.

“One lemon bar, one chocolate cake, one green tea ice cream, and one raspberry cheesecake special,” the stranger said with a warm smile, crossing his long legs, “and an iced latte with a vanilla shot because according to Minhyuk, he cares about you and loves you.”

“Can I help you with something?” Taekwoon eyed the stranger suspiciously as he dragged the lemon bar plate towards himself.

“Well,” the man said as he propped his elbow on the table and rested his chin on his palm, “Wonshik told me to give you “a lap dance or whatever it is I do,” but it doesn't look like you’d appreciate it. Also, lap dances are not what I do.”

“Uh huh,” Taekwoon mumbled uninterested, digging his fork into the lemon bar. Did Wonshik seriously believe setting a stripper on him was going to make his night any better? It might be one of Wonshik’s interests, but not Taekwoon’s.  

“I’m going to guess that you weren't paying attention to the performances earlier? I’m Hakyeon, by the way.” Considering how he was brought here under false pretenses, Taekwoon wasn't in the mood to do anything besides scroll through an endless photo stream of cute animals on Instagram.

“Sorry, but I’m not interested,” Taekwoom said referring to Hakyeon and his attempt at conversation. He wasn’t one to beat around the bush.

Hakyeon shrugged easily, “That’s okay, Minhyuk wanted me to bring these plates over. Do you mind if I sit here for Wonshik’s performance?”

Taekwoon shoved another forkful of lemon bar into his mouth, “Do what you want.” If Hakyeon wasn’t going to try anything on him, then Taekwoon didn’t care what the other wanted to do.

“Thank you,” Hakyeon replied and turned his attention away from Taekwoon. He went quiet as he surveyed the area and left Taekwoon to his own devices.

Although clubs weren't Taekwoon’s favorite haunt, he knew that when people approached others in this sort of place, it was almost always with sexual intent. It felt strange to have someone interact with him and not actively want to jump his bones, but Hakyeon seemed like a different type of person.

“You’re weird,” Taekwoon eyes widening a bit at the accidental slip, “I’m sorry, that was rude of me.”

The other looked over at him with an amused half-smile and shook his hand in disagreement, “Oh no. I would’ve probably said the same thing if I was you so it’s okay.”

There’s a momentary pause and then Hakyeon continued, “You know, I never got your name. Minhyuk only pointed you out and Wonshik described you as, and I quote, the guy that looks like he could turn you into stone.”

Taekwoon face fell flat, “That brat…”

Hakyeon laughed airily, “So do you go by Medusa or…?”

“Taekwoon,” he supplied.  

“Oh,” Hakyeon blinked, “you’re Taekwoon?”

He didn’t like the sound of that, “Yes?”  

Hakyeon caught onto Taekwoon’s train of thought, “I don’t mean it in a bad way, don’t worry. Wonshik sometimes mentions your name whenever he’s talking about a guy he has a crush on. Something about how he doesn't get how you and his crush are friends?”

That would be Jaehwan. Despite having incredibly different personalities, he and Jaehwan had been friends for almost half their lives. Wonshik came into the picture during their college years and recently came to develop a puppy dog crush on Jaehwan. It was horribly obvious to everybody except Jaehwan.

“Wonshik and I grew up in the same neighborhood though I just reconnected with him a few months ago when I moved back into the country,” Hakyeon disclosed without preamble, “I was doing some dance musicals in Japan for a while but now I’m here on some nights helping Minhyuk run the place.”

Taekwoom raised a brow under his bangs. This person surprisingly talked a lot without the need to be prodded by someone. He wouldn't be surprised if Hakyeon could successfully hold a conversation with a wall. It felt like Hakyeon was a relatively easy person anybody could get along with, complimenting his chattiness.  

“Minhyuk and I were a part of the same dance company back in college so I got him to get me a job since he definitely owes me a few favors,” Hakyeon rambled on. Taekwoon simply nodded, to at least be polite and because they apparently shared multiple mutual friends. It's a wonder how Taekwoon hasn't heard anything about a talkative friend at some point.

“I see.” Taekwoon moved on to the chocolate cake after finishing the lemon bar. It was a good thing Hyunsik came to be in charge of the desserts because they tasted much better than they had during his college years.

Hakyeon gazed at him curiously, “What about you?”

“My friend liked to pass out drunk on Wonshik,” was the short version of how Taekwoon came to know the younger, “And I met Minhyuk through Wonshik.” He took a tentative taste of the drink Minhyuk previously placed on the table and found it to be fruity and obnoxiously sweet. The drink was pushed aside.

“Wow, now I’m curious,” Hakyeon laughed, “I bet Wonshik looked really dumbfounded.”

Taekwoon thought back to when Jaehwan ended up passing out drunk on Wonshik’s lap for the first time. The look on his face was undoubtedly memorable in a humorous way so Taekwoon cracked a small smile at the memory, “Yeah, he did.”

“Now, give it up for our man Ravi!”

“Oh, it looks like it's Wonshik’s turn,” Hakyeon turned in his seat to face the DJ area where Wonshik had walked up to, “At least his fashion sense has improved.”

Wonshik addressed the audience with a swagger exclusive to the stage as Taekwoon stabbed another forkful of cake and decided to pay attention to his friend. (Even though he currently had the urge to abandon Wonshik in a bug-infested forest in the middle of the night.)  

**

“Wonshik thinks you're mad at him,” Jaehwan brought up as he made a cappuccino for a customer during the afternoon lull.

It was the following Monday and Jaehwan decided to work the front with Taekwoon for the morning shift. Taekwoon thought Wonshik and Jaehwan should be counting their blessings that the cafe doesn't open on Sundays. In the end, Taekwoon hadn't made it back to his apartment until almost two in the morning as a result of bringing Wonshik’s drunk ass home.  

He doesn't think much about Hakyeon, who had continued to chat it up with him after Wonshik’s performance until said man sat himself at their table with a drink in hand. From then on Taekwoon tuned the two out until it was clear Wonshik was too wasted to keep going.

Taekwoon placed the customer’s order of pastries in bags behind Jaehwan, “I had to carry him home in the middle of the night. He also thought setting me up with a guy was a good idea.”

Jaehwan hmm-ed as he put the finishing touches on the cappuccino, “Well, was it?”

His hands briefly paused before continuing with their task, “I didn't want to be there in the first place.” Hakyeon was a nice person but the last thing Taekwoon wanted was to be set up with anybody. Even the thought of being with another person made his stomach churn.

“Did you at least listen to Wonshik’s tracks? He’s been agonizing over them for literal eons.”

“They were good,” Taekwoon placed the packed up pastries next to the cappuccino Jaehwan had just finished onto the counter. The customer walked over to the counter and picked them up before waving goodbye.

“You should have gone instead. You enjoy that sort of scene more than I do,” Taekwoon said as he and Jaehwan waved back.

Jaehwan wiped the counter down, then rested his elbows on it so that he could prop his face up with his hands, “Nah, Wonshik made me listen to his tracks so many times that if I hear them again, I will bash my head against a wall. Besides, Sanghyuk brings me a joy in my life that his dad can’t grant me.”

Taekwoon stretched his leg to hit Jaehwan’s, “I don’t recall any obligation to make you happy.”

“Well,” Jaehwan blew his bangs in boredom, “I like to think it’s my life’s mission to make sure you find happiness again.”

“I’m fine,” Taekwoon automatically replied. He had plenty of happiness in his life– he had Sanghyuk and was living out his childhood dream of owning a cafe.

Jaehwan ignored him as he stared out the front windows of the cafe, “We should take a family trip to, say, Lotte World. There’s a lot of happiness there.”

“You’re not a part of my family registry.”

Jaehwan turned his head towards Taekwoon with a straight face, “Was the guy cute at least?”

Taekwoon was caught off guard by the sudden question, “I...guess?” He barely directed his eyes towards his table companion that night, but why did it even matter? There were no plans to sail that ship, “Why are we talking about this…”

“Hmm, I see,” Jaehwan mumbled to himself, “Do you think he would top or bottom you?” 

He felt his face grow warm and hissed at the younger, “ _What the fuck_?”

Jaehwan snickered to himself, shooting Taekwoon knowing eyes, “You thought about it.”

Taekwoon marched over to Jaehwan and was about to flick his forehead if not for the rattle of the bell on the door. He instead shot Jaehwan a death glare before schooling his expression into a poker face to take the customer’s order.

“Hi, can I get a– oh!”

“Ah,” Taekwoon reacted softly, brows raised, “Hakyeon.”

Hakyeon smiled brightly, “I’m glad you remember my name, Taekwoon!”

No, this ship was not going to sail.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently started using [twitter](https://twitter.com/zeroo_cb) (again) so come talk to me or @ me some nice Hakyeon pics haha  
> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. changed the summary

“Please come again,” Taekwoon handed off a bag of assorted pastries to a customer and let the courteous smile fall off his face once they left.

He let out an unstifled yawn in the empty cafe and rested his forehead on the glass display case. Taekwoon stared at the off red-brown tiles under his feet without much thought. Maybe he should get Jaehwan to mop the floor– passively bullying Jaehwan sometimes made the day a little more bearable. Except Jaehwan had gone out to pick up Sanghyuk from summer daycare or camp. He couldn’t remember the exact details.  

Taekwoon turned his head sideways so that he was now facing the front of the cafe. He unconsciously zeroed in on a small two-person table that was basking in the warm afternoon light that poured through the window. On certain days, after the lunch hour rush, there would be someone sitting there reading or tapping away on a laptop.  

Despite first impressions, Hakyeon apparently didn’t run on the need for constant conversation. He had been a semi-regular customer for the past month and would seat himself at the same table by the window. The only difference now was that the option of talking animatedly with Jaehwan had opened up after Hakyeon realized Jaehwan was the one Wonshik had a crush on. If their hour long conversations were anything to go by, Taekwoon thought they would become best friends by the end of the week.

If he had to sum up whatever he had with Hakyeon in one word, it would be weird. Hakyeon spoke to Taekwoon like he was a lifelong friend, but Taekwoon didn’t even know anything significant about the man in question. To say they were somewhere in between acquaintances and friends, but more on the acquaintance side, would be fair.

Which is why it was weird to be talked to so familiarly. Or rather, to be spoken to so familiarly but not being familiar with the person at all.    

Luckily, it wasn’t one of the days Hakyeon would typically drop by on, which worked in Taekwoon’s favor as he didn’t think he had the energy to say anything more than, “What would you like?” and “Please come again.” If he didn’t love the cafe so much, he would’ve called it quits already.

However, it looked like the gods above weren’t having any of it as Hakyeon suddenly came bounding through the front door. Despite the warm weather, black slacks hugged his legs and a button up was tucked into it. Taekwoon stood up properly, alarmed at the panting man before him and gave him a quizzical stare.

“Haa!” Hakyeon breathed out, supporting himself on his knees as he quickly tried to catch his breath, “Hi Taekwoon, sorry, give me a second.”

Taekwoon nodded although Hakyeon was slouched over and wouldn’t have seen.

“Alright!” Hakyeon shot up, phone whipped out, “Even though I offered, I can’t believe they’re making me buy so much stuff. I haven’t even gotten my first paycheck.”

Hakyeon tapped his phone a few times before he began spouting orders, which caught Taekwoon briefly off guard as he was currently perplexed by Hakyeon’s current state, “Three americanos, a caramel latte, a mocha latte, two coffees, and three milk teas– all iced. For one of the coffees and the caramel latte, skim milk.”

“I, uh–” Taekwoon was only expecting a few items that he could easily memorize, not several complex ones. He reached for a small pad and pencil that was propped up against the register, flustered, “Sorry, could you repeat it one more time?”

Hakyeon peered up from his phone and then his mouth hung open a bit before he went off into his own apology, “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! I just started rattling stuff off. Of course I can say it as many times as you want.”

Once he managed to write all the drinks down, Taekwoon did a once over and was hit with a dizzy spell. Why were there so many?

“They’re not all for me,” Hakyeon blurted defensively after Taekwoon rung him up and he placed his card back into his wallet.

Taekwoon looked up at the other, “Okay.”

Hakyeon pouted, brows scrunched, “Do you not believe me? Why would I ever buy ten drinks all at once.”

Taekwoon grabbed some plastic cups and began writing down individual orders on each cup, “You seem like the type of person that would.” He didn’t have much basis but with Jaehwan gone, poking fun at Hakyeon would have to suffice.

With mock offense, Hakyeon placed a hand over his chest, “I give you my money and this is how you treat me?”

Taekwoon moved to fill the americano orders first since they were the easiest, followed by the milk tea ones. After pouring condensed milk into the milk tea orders, he got started on the lattes. Thankfully, Hakyeon only ordered lattes as that was one of the few drinks Taekwoon knew how to make. Most of the drink menu was solely Jaehwan’s territory.

“You dare make assumptions and then ignore me? I’m so offended,” Hakyeon muttered, albeit playfully.

Taekwoon looked over his shoulder at Hakyeon, “What did you say?”

Hakyeon was unimpressed, “You’re just as bad as Wonshik. Words go in one ear and immediately come out of the other.”

“I sincerely beg to differ,” Taekwoon retorted with a small scoff as he retreated his attention back to the drinks. Talking to Wonshik was sometimes like talking to a brick wall who would parrot, “What?” after you were done.

Hakyeon doesn’t say anything more (thankfully), letting Taekwoon focus on not screwing up the orders. It took a few minutes before he was able to snap the last lid on and pack the drinks away. Once the drinks were all situated in two separate paper bags, followed by a plastic bag for each, he pushes them over the counter. Yet, Hakyeon gave him a sheepish smile instead of taking his purchase, “I also need pastries.”

Taekwoon sighed under his breath, reaching in one of the cubbies under the counter for one of the medium-sized white boxes, “Which ones would you like?”

Hakyeon sidestepped over to the glass display case, “Just so you don’t think I’m a glutton, this is for a PTA meeting I have to attend.”

PTA?  

“I’m a new teacher at one of the elementary schools in the area and since I’m the noobie, I’m now in charge of coffee runs and the sort,” Hakyeon explained as he examined all of the available treats, kneeling down once his eyes started to wander towards the bottom rows.

If anything, Taekwoon was surprised. He thought the other had an arrangement at the club as some sort of dancer (he never bothered to ask about it), which Taekwoon thought Hakyeon fit the mold for. A teacher was the last thing he was expecting; a dance instructor was definitely plausible but not a teacher for children.  

“Oh, I really want that slice of black forest mousse cake…” Hakyeon mumbled.

Taekwoon moved to reach for a slice, but Hakyeon yelped, “Ah, no I really shouldn’t. I have to get back in…” he checked his phone, “Oh shit, fifteen minutes!”

“You don’t look like a teacher,” Taekwoon stated as Hakyeon held a panic-induced staring contest with a row of eclairs, cream puffs, and fruit tarts.

“Yeah, well,” Hakyeon paused, eyes scrunched up and at Taekwoon, “you don’t look like you bake cookies and brownies in your free time, or like small cute animals.”

That was a fair point, “Don’t you need to hurry back?”

Hakyeon groaned, going back to staring at the desserts, “Why do you have so many choices? Should I do healthy because there’ll probably be some unbearable, healthy-freak mom? Oh god, what if they want gluten-free just because they think it’s trendy? But what if one of them actually needs to be on a gluten-free diet? Am I making this harder than it needs to be?”

“We have gluten-free options.”

“You're not helping!” Hakyeon then stood back up, exasperated, “You know, just fill it with the ones you like the most.”

Taekwoon was used to being asked for recommendations, but the way Hakyeon said it made it feel much more personal and therefore made him feel weird. Regardless, he made sure to place pastries that were easy to grab that he also happened to enjoy– fruit tarts, egg tarts, mini cannolis, bite-sized cream puffs, a number of biscuits, and almond cookies.

Once he closed the lid on the box and tied a ribbon on it, he gave it a thoughtful stare before going back to retrieve a slice of the cake Hakyeon was previously eyeing. Taekwoon placed it in its own little box and slide the two boxes over to Hakyeon, much to his slight confusion.

“The box of pastries is a flat 17,000 won,” Taekwoon informed plainly, “The almond cookies are gluten free. I separated them from the rest in the box.”

Hakyeon took his wallet out again, “But the cake…?”

“Take it,” Taekwoon put his hand out, palm side up.

Hakyeon’s eyes lit up, “Really?! That slice has to be at least 5,000 won.”

“Just give me the money and make sure you don’t get into any traffic accidents on your way back,” Taekwoon looked off the side, trying to hide his shyness with aloofness.

“Huh,” Hakyeon pressed the appropriate number of bills into Taekwoon’s hand, “Jaehwan was right about you being a squishy softie.”

“Really now,” Taekwoon replied, unamused. He ignored the dull pain that shot through his heart and shoved away an old memory that popped into his mind.

Hakyeon hummed in agreement as he picked up the two bags of drinks and then stared at the boxes contemplatively. He bit his bottom lip, then peered up at Taekwoon apologetically, “Could you, uh…”

Taekwoon rolled his eyes and grabbed the boxes before walking around the counter.

He got a bright smile in return, “I’m parked just around the corner. You really are a huge softie.”          

**

Darkness greeted his eyes at an ungodly hour of night. Taekwoon screwed his eyes shut and shifted onto his side, smothering his face into his pillow. It was always after dreams of memories that everything in his bedroom reminded him of days from the now distant past. From the dent in the night stand to the stain that was barely hidden under a rug– even the most minor things were too much for Taekwoon’s sleep-deprived brain. He needed to escape.

As if his body was following a routine, he swung his legs off the bed and wrapped himself in his blanket before setting off. He paused at the half-open door across from his own, then decided to glance inside to see Sanghyuk snuggling an old teddy bear as he slept. At least he wasn’t suffering from flits of insomnia.

Following one last look over, Taekwoon dragged his feet towards the living room and settled into the fabric cushioning of the sofa. The clock hanging on the opposite wall was in his direct line of vision, the hour hand on the three. Taekwoon pulled the blanket over himself, the incessant ticking of the clock the only thing keeping him company.   

**

With the exception of Jaehwan kicking him awake, the day goes passes uneventful, just the way Taekwoon prefered it to go. Hakyeon doesn’t stop by again with another party-sized order, but he does come in demanding more cake. Taekwoon doesn’t have any issues with that, “5,500 won, please.”

Hakyeon lips quivered, “I want to say that is a definite rip-off but it’s really not.” He let out a whimper as he sunk to his knees and placed a forlorn hand over the glass, “I’ll be back when I get paid.”

“Have pity on the poor man you bewitched,” Jaehwan shook his head in disappointment as he restocked the wrapping ribbon, “Ha ha, get it? Poor like broke, but also pitiful? I’m so funny.”

“God it’s too early for this,” it may have been mid-afternoon but frankly, Taekwoon doesn’t think he’s ingested enough caffeine to put up with Jaehwan’s stabs at humor.

Jaehwan twirled around in the most Jaehwan-like way to face Taekwoon and blew him a kiss, “It’s because I care.”

Hakyeon went to lean over the counter, looking at the pair perplexed, “I’m starting to wonder how you two are even friends.”

“We’re not.” “We’ve been attached at the hip since that fateful day in middle school!”  

“Oh, you’re childhood friends?” Hakyeon asked, interest instantly piqued.

“No.” “The bestest!”

“Do tell!” Hakyeon encouraged Jaehwan, ignoring Taekwoon’s opposition to a retelling, “Was Taekwoon the same as he is now?”

Jaehwan placed a hand on his cheek and sighed, fondness radiating from both gestures, “Yep, he has always been the big softie we know him to be. It all started in the spring of my sixth year when the scary sports hyung of year eight was tending to a cute stray cat after school and making baby noises at it– _Aigoo, so cute~ Do you wanna go home with me? I have wots of tweuna~_ ”

Taekwoon flushed, “That’s not what happened. And I don’t talk like that.”

Hakyeon nodded for Jaehwan to continue, “I don’t doubt it.”

“You shouldn’t doubt it because that’s actually what happened. Anyways,” Jaehwan dodged a neck chop from Taekwoon, and scooted further away from the older, “there I was, my small, yet adorable, year six self, watching this hyung when the cat scratched him. It was probably because he didn’t have a cute face like mine, but I digress.”

Taekwoon rolled his eyes, “Your face was a meddling nuisance and it still is.”

Jaehwan ignored him as he went on with the story, “I was alarmed and luckily my house was only a few blocks away so I went up to the scary hyung and told him I could help him clean the cuts since knowing him, he’d probably leave it and then die from some terrible disease. I couldn’t have that weighing on my conscious!”

“And then?” This wasn’t bedtime, but Hakyeon sure was acting like it was.

“And then he followed me home like a stray! And then on the way, he tripped so I had to fix those cuts too!”

“Everybody trips it's not a big deal,” Taekwoon muttered under his breath, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. He decided to busy himself by reorganizing the napkins and miscellaneous drink additives.

“So, after I fixed him up, my mom came home and insisted he stay for dinner. Do you want to know what he said to me after?” Jaehwan snickered as he egged Hakyeon on, “What?”

“ _Yah, your mom makes good food and brownies. I’m coming back next week_ – Just like a stray cat! And that’s how we became friends.” Taekwoon didn’t actually invite himself back into the Lee household; he just ended up there the following week after another string of events that Jaehwan wanted to leave out.

“The stomach _is_ the way to a guy’s heart,” Hakyeon laughed without restraint, eyes pushed up into crescents, “It sounds like you were an adorable kid Taekwoon. I wish I knew you then so I could just coddle you.”

Taekwoon crumbled up a napkin and threw it at Hakyeon with annoyance, “We’re the same age...what would there be to coddle over? And don’t you have teacher things to do?”

Hakyeon swatted the paper before it hit him like it was nothing and then went to pick it up so he could throw it back at Taekwoon. Taekwoon flailed to catch it but failed as it made contact with his chest. “Have you never heard of summer break? Teachers have that too, y’know.”

“So do you spend your summer break dancing at clubs?” Taekwoon jabbed.

“You know what,” Hakyeon smirked, “I do and I look damn good.”

Taekwoon wasn’t expecting the smug edge of the smile, but he didn’t let it visibly falter him. Instead, he got the urge to hit Hakyeon.

Hakyeon let out a shrill yelp when Taekwoon lunged over the counter to slap Hakyeon squarely on the shoulder multiple times, “That’s for being cringey.”

Jaehwan groaned, “Ugh, can’t you two get a room or something?”

The question stopped Taekwoon in his tracks and his mind froze. He withdrew his hand, feeling suddenly numb. A panic attack was starting to dawn on him and Taekwoon clutched his ring, like it would keep it at bay. What was he doing? He shouldn’t be acting like this with anybody, let alone a person he barely knew.        

He averted his eyes to the side, teeth biting into his bottom lip. Taekwoon wasn’t sure if Hakyeon noticed, but he was sure Jaehwan did. He subtly turned his back towards Jaehwan under the guise  of re-stacking the cups, like it would protect him for the eventual prying he would be subjected to once the day was over. 

“Um,” Hakyeon cleared his throat awkwardly, breaking the stifling silence that fell between him and Taekwoon with a tone that didn’t hint to any previous teasing, “I...uh, actually have to finish some proofreading. Jaehwan-ah, could I get that small green tea cake?”

Jaehwan skipped over, unfazed by the sudden change in air, “Sure thing~”

Taekwoon silently decided he needed to escape. Without a word, he rigidly walked off into the kitchen. Once the door swung shut behind him, Taekwoon leaned against the adjacent wall, head thrown back against the drywall. He closed his eyes tightly and grasped his left hand even harder, exhaling a breath he didn’t know he was holding deeply through his nose. 

With an equally deep inhale, Taekwoon sank down to the floor and rested his hands on his face. He hated how familiar it felt– this dull, persistent ache that pulsed in his lungs.

**

He doesn’t know when Hakyeon left the cafe, or when Jaehwan decided to duck out because an unreserved cheerful laughter Taekwoon recognized filtered through the walls. Taekwoon quickly maneuvered the just-baked egg tarts onto a cooling rack and makes his way out of the back room to go meet his son. The beginnings of a smile spread across Taekwoon’s face as he squatted in front of Sanghyuk.

Sanghyuk hopped over to Taekwoon and flopped into his arms with a toothy smile Taekwoon suddenly realized he hadn’t seen in awhile. Taekwoon quickly brushed it away, not wanting to dig any deeper into it while he was still feeling on edge, and ran his hand through Sanghyuk’s hair in greeting, “Hi Hyukie, how was your day?”    

“Um,” Sanghyuk’s smile faltered a bit and then steadied. Taekwoon didn’t want to read into it. “It was good! But Dad, did you know that Uncle Jaehwan is a ma...magic..ian...magician!...?”

Taekwoon gave Jaehwan a split second look over before returning his attention to Sanghyuk. Jaehwan was checking the inventory and trying to keep his lips from curling up.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Ok, well,” Sanghyuk started off as though it was going to be a long tale, “when Uncle picked me up, he asked me if I was hungry and then my tummy made a reaaallly loud noise! And then I said I was and then he made a brownie come from nowhere!”

“Really now?”

“Yep! And then in the car, I said I was thirsty and then he said he can cast a spell if I say the magic words,” Sanghyuk took a deep breath, forgetting to breathe in between words, “So I said the abrakadaberuuuhs and then a chocolate milkshake showed up!”

So Sanghyuk was on a sugar high. Taekwoon thought he had too much energy after a whole day of activities and for being shown a “magic trick.” At this rate, Taekwoon doesn’t think he’ll be able to escape the dentist’s scorn when Sanghyuk’s next appointment rolled around.

“You should have heard him,” Jaehwan butted in, “Hyogi was like, “Waaaaaaaah!! Uncle you’re so cool!!” and other adorable things. Ah, I just want to squish your cute little cheeks Hyogi~”

Taekwoon didn’t share the same sentiment as his son and just ignored Jaehwan. He knew the other had ulterior motives towards him, waiting for a time to pounce.

Sanghyuk gasped as his hands flew up to his cheeks, “Noooo! Not the cheeks!”

“I just made egg tarts. Do you want one Hyukie?” Taekwoon paid no attention to the mini exchange between Sanghyuk and Jaehwan.

The four year old’s head whipped back to face Taekwoon, “Yes! Your egg tarts are so yummy!”

Taekwoon cracked a small smile, “You think everything is yummy.”

“Y-Yeah, well,” Sanghyuk became flustered, like he was caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar, “your stuff...issss...theeee...yummiest of the yummies!”

Taekwoon playfully huffed and stood up, “If you say so.”

“I’ll have five please!” Sanghyuk ordered confidently, toothy smile still present. Taekwoon walked back towards the kitchen to fetch the pan of egg tarts until Jaehwan started to follow him in. Taekwoon stopped at the threshold separating the main part of the cafe and kitchen and turned to come face-to-face with Jaehwan.

“What?” Jaehwan asked innocently, eyes bright.

“There’s nothing to talk about so don’t bother,” Taekwoon muttered and moved to close the door in Jaehwan’s face. Seeing his face reminded Taekwoon of the suffocating emotions Jaehwan indirectly caused a few hours ago.

Jaehwan stuck his foot out to prevent it from closing, “I just wanted to grab something, geez.”

“I’ll get it.”

“Do you not want to be alone with me? I’m kind of offended,” Jaehwan pouted but relented, “We need half a batch of cream puffs.”

“Fine.”

“Also,” Jaehwan raised his eyebrows in a knowing fashion, “I didn’t even say anything about talking. If you’re going to say there’s nothing to talk about, then there definitely is.”

Taekwoon wished Jaehwan’s foot was still in the way so he could slam the door on it.

**

“You know, I don’t see what’s wrong with Hakyeon. He’s a cheerful guy and he has an actual job that so happens to involve kids,” Jaehwan said conversationally after dropping off Sanghyuk and returning to the Jung apartment.

Taekwoon sighed, staring up at his living room ceiling praying it would collapse onto him. He spent another night on the sofa and was brutally kicked awake again by Jaehwan. His neck was slightly sore, he had a terrible night in general, his nose was stuffy, and Jaehwan thought 7:36 on a Wednesday morning was the perfect time to have this type of chat.

“What part of ‘no, I don’t want to talk’ do you not understand?” Taekwoon sat up, blanket falling from his chest and into his lap. He rubbed his eyes and fixed a glare on Jaehwan, who was standing in front of him with crossed arms, “I also don’t understand why you just brought up Hakyeon. He’s a customer I hardly know.”

Jaehwan balked, like he was not expecting resistance, “Okay, Hakyeon aside, why’re you so against the general idea?”

He knew Jaehwan was trying to be helpful, but lately it was becoming increasingly overbearing. The way he would hover over him and push him into doing things made Taekwoon want to curl in on himself. With Jaehwan, Taekwoon knew he had to spell everything out but this was something he didn’t want to voice.

“I’m just concerned about you,” Jaehwan said quietly when the silence dragged on for a minute too long.

He felt guilty for pushing burdens onto people and bringing them down with him, so Jaehwan’s words were anything but reassuring, “It’s hard.”

“Is it hard because you don’t want to try?” It didn’t come out accusatory but Taekwoon felt guilty. Jaehwan was trying to be supportive in the only way he knew how but Taekwoon wasn’t helping it go smoothly. They were at a standstill.    

Taekwoon could feel his eyes prickling at the corners, helpless to stop them, “I don’t want to do this right now.”

His shoulders sagged, having gone tense at some point, and he suddenly realized he was holding his breath when his lungs started to burn, “I remember these small things and it feels like I’m betraying her if I move on. My heart hurts when I think about it.” It felt like a sharp, stabbing pain in some moments and a dull, ever present ache in others.

Jaehwan sat down next to Taekwoon, pointedly looking at the floor, “You’re not invalidating your time together, or I don’t know.” He breathed a humorless laugh, “It’s not like you’re forgetting her and she’s not going to haunt you as a scary ghost.”

Taekwoon didn’t grace Jaehwan with a pity induced half-smile. Instead he laid back down and pulled the blanket over himself and half his face.

“Hakyeon...is a nice person,” Taekwoon stated softly into the blanket, “I don’t have anything against him...” The sofa shifted a bit at Taekwoon’s feet; no response was voiced.   

“I just don’t want to fall in love, Jaehwan-ah.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everybody has a great New Years!


	3. Chapter 3

“Hyuuuung,” Wonshik shook Taekwoon’s bicep, “please help meeee.”

It wasn’t like Taekwoon wanted to be stuck in his own home but Jaehwan had basically put him under house arrest with Wonshik acting as bailiff, citing the fact that Taekwoon never took off time for himself during the past few months. Except, not being at the cafe meant anything but relaxation for Taekwoon.

Taekwoon batted Wonshik’s grip away, “I’ll help you once you leave my apartment.”

Wonshik moved his fingers to gently pull on Taekwoon’s ear lobe, “The light of my life told me to watch you so I am.”

“You’re not even dating.” It was only when Jaehwan wasn’t around did Wonshik preach about his puppy love for him.

“Firstly, he can still be my perfect ball of cuteness. Secondly, it’s going to happen. Eventually.”

Taekwoon briefly faced Wonshik to stare at him with disbelief. He yanked his head away to get Wonshik to let go of his ear and neck chopped him before returning his attention to the drama he was watching.

Wonshik had invited himself into his apartment a half hour after Jaehwan left and barred Taekwoon from leaving his own home when Taekwoon approached the front door. And when it started to look like Wonshik was dead set on following Jaehwan’s orders, Taekwoon resigned himself to catching up on his dramas.

Jaehwan somehow made a big deal out of everything, which was incredibly inconvenient for Taekwoon. As a result, Taekwoon found himself in his living room on a Wednesday afternoon with a whiny guard dog.

“Are you listening?!” Wonshik moaned pitifully, “My life’s on the line!”

It was becoming hard to concentrate and listen to the show so Taekwoon paused the episode, Wonshik winning out in the end, “Go get me a cupcake from the kitchen and you better let me watch my show in peace. Also, I want my ice cream attachment.”

Wonshik took the victory brightly, “I knew you were my second favorite hyung for a reason! And, I ordered that thing last week.” He hopped off the sofa to fulfill Taekwoon’s demand.  

“Yeah…” Taekwoon rolled his eyes as Wonshik dug through his kitchen.

“Okay,” Wonshik gave Taekwoon a nervous smile after returning with a lemon-filled vanilla cupcake, “So I know Jaehwan told me not to talk about Hakyeon-hyung but it’s about Hakyeon-hyung.”

Taekwoon carefully pulled the wrapper away from the cupcake though his voice was laced with frustration, “Why did Jaehwan say that? I don’t have a problem with him.”

Wonshik shrugged, “Something about you being weird when he’s mentioned?”

A prime example of Jaehwan making mountains out of anthills. “Jaehwan has this bizarre idea that dating him will make me feel better.”       

Wonshik’s face scrunched up, “I mean, just the idea of dating Jaehwan brings me infinite happiness...but you? With that hyung? That’s not really any of my business.”

“At least you’re sensible,” Taekwoon nodded and then took a big bite out of the cupcake, effectively devouring more than half of it.

“I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult towards Jaehwan.”

“Both.”

Wonshik placed a hand over his heart in horror, “Jaehwanie is perfect, how dare you?”

“I guess you don’t want my help,” Taekwoon shrugged a shoulder and went to unpause his drama.

Wonshik yelped, scooting closer to Taekwoon, “Okay, okay! I’m sorry, please don’t abandon me!”  

“Move,” Wonshik pushed himself away from Taekwoon’s personal space.

“So,” Wonshik started once it seemed like Taekwoon wouldn’t suddenly retract his offer to help, “Hakyeon-hyung’s birthday is next week and our mutual friends put me in charge of cake because we’re having his party at my place.”

“So?” Taekwoon couldn’t see where Wonshik would have any problems.

Wonshik clapped his hands together and ducked his head, “Canyoupleasemakeacake?”

Taekwoon frowned, “What?”

“Please make a cake for me? I’ll do, like, five favors for you.”

“Are you asking me to make free cake?”

“No!” Wonshik replied quickly, “I mean, kind of because we’re friends? I don’t know anything about cake and Hyunsik is going to be there and he’s going to make unexpectedly, but expectedly, snide comments if I get some subpar cake.”

“Like, ‘Oh, I guess fashion taste isn’t the only thing Wonshik doesn’t have’ or something!” Wonshik pitched his voice differently in an effort to channel Hyunsik.

“Why is this a bad thing?” If anything, Hyunsik would be telling the truth and Wonshik did need to get his wardrobe sorted out by a normal person.  

Wonshik looked at Taekwoon like he was dumb and the reasoning had already been spelled out, “Because Hyunsik and Jaehwan are good friends so if Hyunsik points out my flaws, then Jaehwan won’t date me!”

If there was an actual problem, it went over Taekwoon’s head. Wonshik was the type of person to overanalyze things and needlessly worry about the smallest details. Though Taekwoon had an inkling that Jaehwan found Wonshik’s terrible fashion sense and equally disappointing sweets palate adorable.  

“And don’t get me started on his youngest kid! The kid is a menace and I don’t know where he gets it from,” Wonshik dramatically groaned, painful suffering written all over his face, “I already get enough of Hongbin’s cruel child bluntness.”

“Children say what adults are thinking,” Taekwoon said simply. “You’re worrying too much about it.”

Wonshik fell over on his side, face buried in his hands, “Heeeeelp meeeee...”

Making a whole cake was an easy feat for Taekwoon, however he’d rather not make more baked desserts than absolutely necessary (ie. for the cafe and for personal consumption). The only thing stopping Wonshik from going out and buying a random supermarket cake was his misplaced belief that Jaehwan would kick him to the curb for shitty cake.

However, it _was_ flattering to know that Wonshik held Taekwoon’s skills in high esteem. He could say no and save himself the trouble, but... “When’s his birthday?”

Wonshik peeked at him through his fingers, “Next week...the 30th.”

Taekwoon resumed his drama without sparing Wonshik a second glance, “I’ll bring it to your place after dinner.” Cake tasted better the fresher it was.   

“Really?” Wonshik perked up, radiating unconstrained hope.

“Don’t make me change my mind.”

Wonshik threw himself onto Taekwoon, giving him a tight squeeze that Taekwoon had no plans on reciprocating, “This is why you’re my second favorite hyung. Gosh, I love you.”

Another chop was delivered to Wonshik’s neck, “Yah.”

“Do you want to come? It’s going to mostly be people you know.” Taekwoon sucked in his lips with discomfort.

“I’ll pass,” he would probably be crossing some sort of line with Hakyeon if he waltzed in uninvited. Hell, Taekwoon didn't even know when Hakyeon’s birthday was until a few moments ago.

**

“Make sure you pour lots of heart and love into that cake!”

“Goodbye Jaehwan.” Surprisingly, the temptation to drop kick his co-owner doesn't surface and Taekwoon goes for a tame response.

“You almost hit my nose, FYI!” Jaehwan yelled through the door when Taekwoon abruptly shut the door, Jaehwan mere centimeters from the threshold.

Taekwoon huffed a breath before retreating into his home. For the past week, Jaehwan had been somewhat...considerate toward him, though there were knee-jerk comments said that warranted a physical reaction. Otherwise, it felt like he could breathe a bit easier, not having certain things weigh on his mind.

“Daaaad!” Sanghyuk excitedly peered over the kitchen counter on his tiptoes when Taekwoon started taking baking supplies out from the kitchen cabinets, “Are you making something? Can I help?”

There was something about the twinkle in Sanghyuk’s eyes that made it impossible for Taekwoon to refuse, “If you eat all of your vegetables, you can help Dad.”

Sanghyuk was clearly caught between complaining and cheering, but cheering won out in the end, “Yay! What’re you making?”

Taekwoon poked Sanghyuk’s forehead and pushed him away with small force, “Go wash your hands.”

“Oookaaaay,” Sanghyuk then scrambled off to the bathroom, leaving Taekwoon to finish taking out the rest of the ingredients and equipment. Sanghyuk quickly returned, coming back with a purple step stool that was half his size in hoisted arms. He placed it firmly next to Taekwoon and stepped onto his personal stool.

“Dad! Dad! What're you making? Cookies? I hope it’s cookies!”

It warmed Taekwoon’s heart to see Sanghyuk’s hyper attentiveness after so long and that it wasn’t lost. The way Sanghyuk’s demeanor had perked up at the opportunity to be a helping hand was something Taekwoon hoped was a positive sign.

“We’re making cake. Can you get the eggs from the fridge? I’ll show you how to crack one open.” Sanghyuk eagerly hopped off his step stool to complete the task.

All Taekwoon had to do was make the cake itself. He had thrown together some mousse to set earlier that morning and he was sure Sanghyuk would get a kick out of icing the cake.

“Here you go!” Sanghyuk slid the egg carton next to Taekwoon’s arm and got back onto his stool, “So, how do you open eggs?”

**

Unsurprisingly, Sanghyuk’s first egg cracking only resulted in a moderate amount of shell falling into the bowl and half of the egg all over his fingers. Taekwoon wasn’t expecting much from a four– almost five– year old but it brought a smile to his face.

Taekwoon also placed Sanghyuk in charge of the icing against better judgment. If he had to guess, only sixty percent of the icing actually made it onto the cake, thirty percent all over the kitchen, and ten percent on Sanghyuk (and inevitably Taekwoon too). The thought of cleaning up the mess should’ve been the first thought on his mind, but instead, Taekwoon ended up smothering a dollop of icing on Sanghyuk’s cheek.

Everything devolved from there as they were finishing up with Sanghyuk sprinting off into the apartment, face and fingers coated in icing after rubbing icing on Taekwoon’s thigh, and Taekwoon chasing after him. It didn’t take long for Taekwoon to catch up to Sanghyuk and scoop him up in his hands.

When all was said and done, Taekwoon didn’t mind the clean up too much. He moved the cake into the fridge with lithe fingers and started on dinner while Sanghyuk was cleaning himself up. There wasn’t much in the fridge and after a few seconds of staring at the shelves, Taekwoon figured he could throw together some decent tasting bulgogi.

Dinner was made without a hitch and Taekwoon was able to keep Sanghyuk from dropping his head into his rice bowl due to exhaustion with the presence of meat. Once everything was eaten and the dishes were cleaned, Taekwoon packed the chilled cake and pushed Sanghyuk out the door to drive over to Wonshik’s apartment.

“We’re going to Uncle Wonshik’s apartment,” Taekwoon told Sanghyuk on their way out of their apartment complex, one hand holding the cake and the other Sanghyuk’s hand.

Sanghyuk looked up at him frantically, “Is it his birthday? I don’t have a present!”

Taekwoon snorted as they walked through the parking lot towards his car, “You don’t need to get him a present. It’s his friend’s birthday and he wanted us to make a cake.”

“I see,” Sanghyuk nodded, much too sagely for his age, “That uncle knows you make the bestest cakes in the universe.”

By the time they made it to Wonshik’s apartment, Sanghyuk began to nod off so Taekwoon hoisted him up in one arm. Thankfully, Sanghyuk didn’t weigh too much for Taekwoon to feel his weight after four flights of stairs. Taekwoon rang the doorbell once and he could hear the sound of someone running soon after.

“Oh, thank god,” Wonshik wheezed, hand on the door frame, “my savior.”

Taekwoon didn’t say anything when he saw how Wonshik was only focused on the box that held the cake. He lifted it up to Wonshik’s face, “Five non-negotiable favors.”

“As long as my life, or credit score, aren’t in danger,” Wonshik tacked on. “Do you and Hyukie want to come in?”

With the crowd that was most likely present, it would be undoubtedly rowdy. As if to prove his point, a crash and loud laughter came from behind Wonshik. He looked down at Sanghyuk, who was on the cusp of falling asleep. It was almost nine so Taekwoon couldn’t blame him.

“I’ll tell them to pipe down.” Wonshik turned to walk back inside, “Come on hyung, be polite.”

If he could shove Wonshik for that comment, he would have, “Only for a minute.”

Taekwoon shut the door behind him and took his time taking off his shoes, granting Wonshik enough time to warn everybody to keep their voices down. When the overall volume decreased to an acceptable level, Taekwoon strolled into the main living area.

Wonshik’s place was very minimal in design, mostly due to him spending the majority of his time holed up in his room working on new tracks. There were two sofas positioned across from each other and a glass coffee table with a rug underneath in between. Everybody present was seated around an abandoned card game– Eunkwang, Changsub, and Hyunsik on one sofa, and Minhyuk, Hakyeon on the other.

As soon as Taekwoon approached, all eyes were on him. He glared at all of them and moved a finger over his lips.

“Taekwoonie!” “Taekwoon-hyung.” “Hyung.”

He nodded at them in return. It really was a small world if he and Hakyeon had this many mutual friends. Taekwoon stopped to stand next to the sofa that was closest to the door, which seated Minhyuk, Hakyeon, and probably Wonshik.

“Sungjae is sleeping in one of the rooms. Do you want me to wake him up so he and Hyukie could play?” Hyunsik asked softly, motioning toward the hallway.

“No, let him sleep. I won’t be here long,” Taekwoon gently adjusted the arm that was holding Sanghyuk then looked at Hakyeon, “This is Sanghyuk, my son. He’s not always sleeping. Oh, and, happy birthday.”

Hakyeon stared at him for a few seconds, hands in his lap, before he realized he was being talked to, “O-Oh, no that’s fine and thank you.”

“What brings you to this sad excuse for a home?” Changsub grinned, ignoring the renter’s whimpering from the kitchen.

“Wonshik begged me to make a cake so that none of you say anything bad about him to Jaehwan’s face. I got five favors out of it so I’m not complaining.”

Minhyuk shot Wonshik a conniving smirk once the latter returned from placing the cake in the fridge, “Really now? That’s interesting...”

“Hyung!” Wonshik screeched quietly at him.

Hakyeon lit up, caught up on the first part of Taekwoon’s statement, “What kind of cake did you make?”

Taekwoon half-smiled at him with mirth, “You’ll see but I think you’ll like it.” Actually, he knew for sure that Hakyeon would enjoy it– would most likely be overly ecstatic. Sanghyuk snuggled his body into Taekwoon’s chest, which Taekwoon took as his cue to leave, “Anyways, I’ll be heading out now.”

Hakyeon stood up, brows scrunched together and lips pouted, “You don’t want to stay for the cake you made?”

“I already know it tastes good,” Taekwoon replied with a straight face. Hakyeon looked at him with bewilderment before stifling a laugh behind a curled up hand and stepping over Minhyuk’s legs, “I’ll see you out then.”

“Technically I should see him out because this is my house,” Wonshik muttered but surrendered when Hakyeon reminded him it was his event.

“Don’t forget about those favors,” Taekwoon reminded Wonshik after saying his goodbyes to the group.

Wonshik shooed him off, “It’s not like you’re going to let me forget.”

By the time everything was said and done, Taekwoon could feel the beginnings of slobbery drool seep onto his shoulder. He slipped his shoes back on and let Hakyeon open the door for him.

“You know,” Taekwoon looked over his shoulder at Hakyeon with a raised brow, “I didn't know you had a kid. It’s kind of weird, but not in a bad way.”

“Is that why you were just staring at me?”

Hakyeon eyes widened in embarrassment at being caught in the act and he stammered, “N-no, er, w-well, yes? I don't get that kind of vibe from you is all, though I’m sure you spoil him.”

Taekwoon hummed with indifference, “I try not to.”

A few seconds of silence followed and Taekwoon wasn't sure if that was the end of the conversation. He would like it to be though because Sanghyuk was starting to kill his arm. However, Hakyeon’s head tilted down and to the side with chagrin.

“I never found a good time to say this but I’m sorry if I did anything to cause you discomfort.”

“What do you mean?” Taekwoon was momentarily baffled by the confession, mostly because he  couldn’t recall any moment like that in the brief time they’ve been acquainted.  

But, if Hakyeon thought Taekwoon was purposely trying to torture him, he was wrong and was beginning to realize that Taekwoon was truly oblivious, “Last week? When Jaehwan insinuated we were flirting and then you got this really freaked out look on your face and left?”

“Ah,” Taekwoon didn't know how to put into words that Hakyeon wasn’t the direct source of his reaction. Nonetheless, he turned himself slightly away from the other, thumbing the underside of his ring, “It wasn’t because of you.”

Hakyeon breathed a sigh of relief, hand over his chest, “That’s good to hear. The last thing I want is to be awkward with the best pastry chef within a twenty mile radius.” He didn’t try to elaborate any further on the matter, much to Taekwoon’s relief.

“So who’s the best,” Taekwoon let out a small yawn, “pastry chef within twenty-one miles?”

Hakyeon’s cheeks puffed out when Taekwoon started laughing softly, “I would’ve said all of Korea but I didn’t want you getting a big head. Hurry up and go tuck your son into bed.”

Taekwoon shook his head with amusement,“Have a good birthday, Hakyeon.”

**

After putting Sanghyuk to bed and a quick shower, Taekwoon fell face up onto his bed. He unlocked his phone and noticed new messages from a new handle, the oldest being from thirty minutes ago.

cha.nnn: _1 photo message_

Taekwoon opened the photo, which was of the black forest mousse cake Taekwoon had made for Hakyeon. There were lit candles strategically placed around the birthday message and a blurry Changsub in the background.  

cha.nnn: THIS IS THE BESTEST BIRTHDAY SURPRISE (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ㅂ˂̣̣̥)੭ु

cha.nnn: IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL I’M NOT SHARING

cha.nnn: If I gain 5 kilos, I’m blaming you (ꐦ°᷄д°᷅)

cha.nnn: Update, I hid in Shikkie’s room with 80% of the cake (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

The differences between Hakyeon and Jaehwan were becoming staggeringly fewer, as Taekwoon was beginning to see; the use of emoticons was unnecessary and excessive. He scoffed and tapped on the message bar to type out his response.

jung_taek: the point of cake is for it to be eaten

jung_taek: if you gain weight, that’s your own fault

Taekwoon got a reply a second later.

cha.nnn: Rude! (╬ಠ益ಠ)

**

With the passing of Hakyeon’s birthday came planning for Sanghyuk’s birthday. Except, instead of planning, it was stress that wracked Taekwoon’s brain. He had the food and cake under control so it was only a matter of determining what exactly to do for the occasion. Taekwoon screwed his eyes shut and lowered his head into his arms that were laying crossed on the glass pastry display.

“What’s wrong with him?” Hakyeon asked Jaehwan when he walked in and saw Taekwoon’s state.

Jaehwan made a disregarding noise as he took Hakyeon’s order, “He’s moping because he didn’t have a fulfilling childhood.”

“Okay?” Hakyeon’s voice was filled with confusion but he didn’t ask for any more details from Jaehwan. A moment later, Taekwoon felt a finger poking at his head so he looked up to see who the offender was.

“What’re you doing?” Hakyeon wondered, more than likely entertained with Taekwoon’s current state.

Taekwoon lowered his head back down, “Nothing.”

He was then nudged to the side by Jaehwan, who was trying to get into the display case, “Hyung, why don’t you ask him for ideas. He did choose to work with kids for a living.”

“Hm?” Hakyeon briefly glanced at Jaehwan, then back at Taekwoon, “Ideas for what?”

“Nothing,” Taekwoon repeated insistently.

Jaehwan slid Hakyeon’s order to him, “His kid’s birthday is in a few days and he has no clue what to do for it. I asked him what he would’ve wanted for his fifth birthday but he said he wouldn’t want much besides cake and a soccer ball.”

Hakyeon _ah_ ’ed with understanding, “Well, it can be subjective but kids around that age generally like being active. What are things Sanghyuk likes doing?”

Taekwoon picked his head up and shook his hand, “No, it’s fine. I don’t want to trouble you with my problems. I can figure it out myself.”

“You don’t even know what Pinterest is!” Jaehwan turned to Hakyeon, “Hakyeon-hyung, you have to help this hopeless case.”

“You’ve never heard of Pinterest?” Hakyeon hissed scandalized, grasping the edge of the counter for support, “Holy grail of DIY and inspiration?”

Jaehwan placed his hand over Hakyeon’s, “He can make the most intricately beautiful designs and breathtaking color schemes in seconds, but anything that doesn’t relate to food, he has _zero_ creativity. Zilch! Nada!”

If his face wasn’t warm from embarrassment, it most definitely was now from the lofty praise, “I don’t...It’s...I’m really not that great.”

He refused to look either of them in the eye, contemplating escape for a brief second from this impromptu bullying. Taekwoon also had his reservations with consulting a customer on a personal matter. In addition, there was a workplace rule to keep personal and work life separate, courtesy of Jaehwan.

“Come on Taekwoonie! I’d love to help!” Hakyeon whined but then stopped, “Is it fine if I call you Taekwoonie? I won’t if you don’t want me to.”

Hakyeon already spoke casually to him so in hindsight, it didn’t much of a difference to Taekwoon. However, he could feel his internal temperature spike dramatically at how Hakyeon suddenly called his name with familiarity, “If you want...”

“Ah ha!” Jaehwan exclaimed triumphantly, “Taekwoon-hyung just accepted your help!”

“No!” Taekwoon immediately retorted, just as loud, “I was saying it was okay for him to–”

“La la la!” Jaehwan covered his ears with his hands, smiling widely as he danced around, “No take backs!”

Taekwoon placed his head in his hands, weary. How he’s lasted more than a decade with the other was beyond his comprehension.

“Uh,” Taekwoon moved his fingers a bit so he could peek at Hakyeon through them. Hakyeon had a empathetic smile, understanding how Jaehwan could sometimes get out of hand, “I don’t have to get involved if you don’t want me to. I won’t take it personally.”

With a sigh, Taekwoon disagreed, “Jaehwan can be annoyingly stubborn but I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

“You won’t be at all! I’d love to provide some insight,” Hakyeon moved himself so that he was now directly in front of Taekwoon and leaned his head against his hand. “It shouldn’t be hard. I _did_ choose to work at an elementary school after all.”

**

Sanghyuk’s birthday came and went without hassle. Ultimately, Taekwoon decided on a scavenger hunt around the neighborhood and cookie baking after a fifteen minute, mostly one-sided, discussion. How naturally these sort of ideas came to Hakyeon spurred the smallest bit of envy to fester in Taekwoon.

Sungjae and Hongbin, along with their fathers Hyunsik and Taemin, had shown up at his apartment for Sanghyuk’s birthday, as well as Jaehwan and Wonshik. Taekwoon had passed along the invitation to Hakyeon, mostly out of politeness since Hakyeon was the mastermind, but he declined, citing work-related commitments.

It didn’t bother him in the slightest– just one less mouth to feed. With occasions like this, Taekwoon was usually left in charge of food, despite the fact that Jaehwan and Hyunsik were perfectly capable of lightening the workload. If it had been a year ago, he would’ve made it well known how much he minded but as of late, he enjoyed the silence. Nobody bothered him and it gave him time to organize his thoughts and tasks.

Among other things, Taekwoon still had to figure out Sanghyuk’s school situation. He needed to find a school within a reasonable distance from the cafe that would provide a sturdy foundation for Sanghyuk’s studies and future. However, Taekwoon neither had the time nor luxury to tour all of the area elementary schools to help make that decision.

While he could always ask Hakyeon since he must’ve interviewed at various schools for a job, Taekwoon didn’t want Hakyeon becoming his personal question box. Hakyeon was strictly an acquaintance-barely-friend he shouldn’t take advantage of. At least he could hold a conversation with Hyunsik and Taemin without losing his head.

By the end of the day, Taekwoon managed to pull off a no-injury birthday and a few recommendations for schools. It took him a few days before he could decide on single school, which happened to be the one Hyunsik and Taemin’s kids attended. Taekwoon thought Sanghyuk would enjoy that little detail.

Weeks went by and Hakyeon’s visits grew farther and fewer in between due to the school year starting up. Taekwoon could feel the gap Hakyeon left– he had steadily grown used to the noise that Hakyeon brought most afternoons over the past two and a half months.

Life goes on per usual, though Taekwoon has to bring Sanghyuk to the cafe everyday the week before the school year started due since the daycare didn’t run that long. Sanghyuk was overjoyed to be able to play around in the back room, which meant Taekwoon had to stay alert and check in on him every five seconds.

So, when Taekwoon goes to drop Sanghyuk off for his first day of kindergarten, he’s thirty percent relieved he doesn’t have to worry about the chances of Sanghyuk stabbing someone with a knife and seventy percent concerned about this monumental moment.

He couldn’t get any sleep the night before, his brain churning out what-if scenarios and what could have beens that kept him painfully awake even longer. But, if Taekwoon had to hope for one thing, it would be for Sanghyuk to not bawl the instant Taekwoon stepped away.

“Waaah! Daddy don’t leaaveee meeee!”

Taekwoon spotted Hyunsik in front of the classroom, trying to calm down a loudly sobbing Sungjae. Mentally, Taekwoon braved himself for the worst.

“It’s okay Sungjae-ah, Daddy will come back,” Hyunsik ruffled Sungjae’s hair and wiped the tears from his chubby cheeks.

Sanghyuk, upon spotting his friend, pulled his hand from Taekwoon’s and ran up to Sungjae, “Sungjaeeee!” Sungjae turned when he heard his name being called and the tears stopped, face lighting up when he saw Sanghyuk.

“Haha, you’re a crybaby!” Sanghyuk giggled. Sungjae expression soured and he yelled, “Well you’re a poopy head, Sangdong!!”

Taekwoon’s mouth dropped slightly at his son’s comment and bopped him lightly on the head, “Yah.” Hyunsik mirrored the action, eyes wide at Sungjae’s outburst.

“Ow,” Sanghyuk mumbled, bringing his hands up to his head.

“Hey Taekwoon-hyung,” Hyunsik peered up at Taekwoon, smile sheepish, “I see you decided on this school.”

Taekwoon shrugged, “You recommended it and it was close to the cafe. Though I figured Sanghyuk and Sungjae would have fun like this.”

The two looked at the pair of boys, who were very close to toppling the other to the ground. Both Taekwoon and Hyunsik groaned and pulled their respective kid away. Taekwoon sighed and Hyunsik gave him a empathetic _what can you do?_ face.

“I’m so sorry my son is like this,” Taekwoon held Sanghyuk in place, making sure he wouldn’t run off.

“Likewise. It’s really a mystery who he takes after,” Hyunsik chuckled, his eye wrinkles making an appearance. “Ack, I really need to get going…”

Hyunsik knelt down and pecked a kiss on Sungjae’s forehead, much to the child’s displeasure, “Please be good, don’t cry, and have fun. I’ll buy you ice cream if you’re good.”

Sungjae stuck his pinky finger out at Hyunsik, “Pinky promise!” Hyunsik wrapped his pinky finger around Sungjae’s and pressed their thumbs together. He gave Sungjae one last hair ruffle before standing up again.

“Bye Sungjae, I love you,” Hyunsik then waved at Sungjae.

“I love Mommy more,” Sungjae responded just as happily, then escaped into the classroom.

Hyunsik sighed, “Bye Sanghyuk, have fun! I’ll see you around hyung. Take it easy.” Hyunsik waved at Taekwoon, who waved back “You too, Hyunsik-ah.”

“Byeee Uncle!”

“Whaa!” Sanghyuk yelped when Taekwoon suddenly pinched his cheek.

“Hyogi, Dad has to go to work, okay?”

“Okay! Save me a bunch of cookies!” Sanghyuk smiled widely as he wrapped himself around Taekwoon’s leg. Taekwoon lifted Sanghyuk up and hugged him tightly– it felt wrong to be at this new chapter in Sanghyuk’s life by himself. He could feel his eyes prickling at the corners and bit his cheek, hoping it would stop the sensation. Why was he getting so emotional?

Sanghyuk threw his arms around Taekwoon’s neck, bringing Taekwoon back to reality, “I want peanut butter cookies!”

“Heh, alright, I’ll make you some,” Taekwoon smacked a kiss on Sanghyuk’s forehead, much to Sanghyuk’s visible disgust. He felt truly blessed to at least have Sanghyuk in his life.  

“Ewww!” Sanghyuk squirmed away from Taekwoon, theatrically wiping at his cheek. It was a cute reaction so Taekwoon did it again and again with an unhindered smile. Sanghyuk pushed Taekwoon’s face away, squishing his hand up against Taekwoon’s chin.

“If it was Uncle Jaehwan, he would’ve covered you in even more kisses and hugged your breakfast out of you,” Taekwoon put Sanghyuk down after he was done teasing him. Sanghyuk crossed his arms over his body, like he was trying to protect himself.

Taekwoon ran a finger through Sanghyuk’s bangs, straightening them out, “Uncle Jaehwan will come pick you up later…” Taekwoon paused, thinking to himself for a second, “Unless you want me to come?”

Jaehwan has almost always volunteered to pick Sanghyuk up from wherever he was to the point it had become second nature. It gave Taekwoon one less thing to worry about during the day and he wasn’t sure what possessed him to ask, but lately Taekwoon had been feeling like he barely spent as much time with Sanghyuk as he should.    

Sanghyuk _hmm_ ’ed for a few seconds, moving his body from side to side before voicing his decision, “Um, yes please!”

Taekwoon fixed Sanghyuk’s shirt and cupped Sanghyuk’s face with his hands afterwards, “Okay, I will. I made some yummy food for you so make sure you eat it all, hm?” Sanghyuk nodded as he listened intently.

“Don’t fight with Sungjae or other people. Listen to the teacher, don’t pick your nose, and don’t run around too much.”

Sanghyuk pursed his lips, “That’s a lot of don’ts.”

Of course that was the one thing Sanghyuk was caught up on, “The most important don’t is don’t get in trouble and don’t cause trouble.”

“Aye, aye!” Sanghyuk saluted.   

“And, have fun and tell me what you learned at school everyday?”

“Yep!”

“And, I’m sure there’s a buddy system so stay with your buddy. You’re going to get lost trying to find the bathroom.”

“Okaaay Dad!” Sanghyuk pressed his small finger onto Taekwoon’s mouth, “I knoooow!”

Taekwoon just wanted to make sure Sanghyuk’s first day went perfectly.

“Don’t you gotta go make cakes and stuff? Uncle Jaehwan might yell at you,” Sanghyuk asked, antsy to sprint into the classroom.

Taekwoon squished Sanghyuk’s face with both of his hands, “Yes, I do.” Though there was a persistent urge to not let Sanghyuk out of his sights poking at the back of his brain, Taekwoon placed one last kiss on Sanghyuk’s forehead, “I love you so much, Hyogi.”

“I love you too, Dad!” Sanghyuk threw an exaggerated hand kiss to Taekwoon and escaped into his classroom. Taekwoon stood up straight and peeked into the classroom to see Sanghyuk putting his backpack into a cubby and jumping onto Sungjae. He heaved what was probably his tenth sigh of the morning, now going back the way he came.

As he rounded the corner, Taekwoon struggled to keep himself wholly composed. If there were going to be tears shed today, Taekwoon didn’t even think they would be his, but here he was with what felt like a raging river threatening to destroy the dam. Taekwoon kept his head low as he continued on his way, imagining he was currently an open book for all to read.

“Ack!” Taekwoon felt something– no, someone– bump into him. He rubbed at his eyes a bit before properly apologizing to whoever he crashed into due to his negligence.

“I’m so sorry,” Taekwoon bowed his head towards the person, then raised it.

“Ah, that’s okay... Oh, Taekwoon?” Hakyeon stopped rubbing his shoulder, shocked to see the other. He was dressed up in dark gray button up, the sleeves rolled up, and slacks (standard work attire really), carrying a stack of papers that miraculously did not end up on the floor.

“Hakyeon…”

Hakyeon maintained eye contact with him for a beat, then closed the distance between them. He raised his free hand, tentatively, and placed it on Taekwoon’s arm, “Are you okay?”

Taekwoon was thrown slightly off by the unexpected physical contact, but didn’t brush Hakyeon off. He wasn’t going to be rude to someone who was showing concern, least of all Hakyeon, “Yes, I am.” Was he really that obvious?

He got an unconvinced frown in response, but Hakyeon withdrew his hand, “What’re you doing here?”

“I, er,” Taekwoon fixed his attention to the wall behind Hakyeon’s head, “I was just dropping off Sanghyuk at kindergarten. Is this the school you work at?”

“Yep! I’m rotating around as an assistant for most of the teachers throughout the year before I can have my own class,” Hakyeon shrugged nonchalantly, “I don’t mind it at all. So, who’s your son’s teacher?”

“Park Chanyeol,” Taekwoon supplied. The guy had his respect; to be able to navigate a room full of five year olds to do a task said a lot about a person and their level of patience.

“Oh, Chanyeol! His personality really works well with kids, so you can be rest assured that Sanghyuk’s in good hands.”

Taekwoon nodded, “That’s good to hear.”

“Well, all of the teachers here are great so I wouldn’t worry too much. Speaking of which, I have to get these papers to the fourth grade hallway,” Hakyeon deflated. “We should get together sometime since I won’t be stopping by the cafe all that much for the next few months.”

It wasn’t like he and Hakyeon talked much, so he was partially confused by Hakyeon’s desire but didn’t comment on it, “I should get going too.”

Taekwoon went around Hakyeon to find his escape, mentally hoping he didn’t make a fool of himself.

“Taekwoonie!” He looked over his shoulder and saw Hakyeon waving brightly at him, “I’ll see you around?”

Hakyeon sounded so pleasantly hopeful and earnest that Taekwoon didn’t want to let him down, “Yeah, of course.”

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote more when I was procrastinating than when I had hella hours of free time...why am I like this...
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and for all the support!  
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/zeroo_cb)


	4. Chapter 4

For all of the good days Taekwoon has had, there were always the bad days that made him feel guilty for even having a single good day. Those bad days may have grown fewer in between, but sometimes they’d hit him when it was least expected, like when his mornings pass without incident or when he was feeling more like his old self. So when the inexplicable weight of depression settled over his chest while he sat in Seoul traffic one afternoon, Taekwoon briefly contemplated turning up the volume of the radio to muffle the scream he wanted to let out.

But, he had to buy himself lunch and moose tracks ice cream at the market, so he shoved those urges back down.

The weeks had been passing by quickly; October was almost upon them and with the seasonal change came seasonal items to be sold because “it’s cute” (according to Jaehwan). Hakyeon would usually drop in on his days off or on the weekend to waste away an hour or two, though now he was trying to say more than twenty words to Taekwoon. And, after their talk in the school, Hakyeon had been trying to schedule an outing with him. Taekwoon had to decline as their free times never matched up and there was no one to watch Sanghyuk.

During the day, Hakyeon would find the time to message him random things, from small animals (that he may or may not have saved) to encouraging messages. They were pretty uplifting and they made Taekwoon at least one percent happier in that moment. The emoticons were charming in their own right, much different from the feeling he got whenever Jaehwan used them.

He got pulled back into reality, though, when Jaehwan smacked his butt. Taekwoon wasn’t expecting it so much that he accidentally let out a strangled yelp. Thankfully, there weren’t many people in the cafe and those that were briefly looked at the pair before reverting their attention. They were probably used to such occurrences at this point.

“Jaehwan…!” Taekwoon hissed under his breath, red faced as he turned away from the customer area.

Jaehwan whistled a tune by a foreign artist that Taekwoon recognized. He looked over his shoulder, brows raised like he was clueless, “Yes, hyung?”

Taekwoon bit down on his tongue, grumbling to himself. Jaehwan was lucky there were customers around. He went to check inventory instead of risking arrest for assault, and mentally noted what pastries they would need to make more of in anticipation for the post-work hours.

They still needed to come up with seasonal goods to sell...might as well start brainstorming now, “What are you thinking for new pastries?”

Jaehwan leaned his body against one of the back counters, a contemplative expression gracing his face, “Baked apples, pumpkin, pie, turnovers? Cinnamon nutmeg goodness?”

Taekwoon nodded, “Drinks? Don’t say pumpkin spice latte.”

Jaehwan frowned, “Don’t be a party pooper. PSL is the iconic autumn drink.”

Taekwoon ignored him, “Warm apple cider would be nice.” He has never made homemade apple cider so it could be an interesting experience. He took out his phone and opened up a note app to mark their ideas down.

“You know what Hakyeon’s favorite drink is?” Jaehwan asked randomly, shooting Taekwoon a glance that Taekwoon felt very unpleasantly about. “Does it matter?”

Jaehwan giggled, “I know that look. It’s your ‘I want to know but I’m too uptight to show any real interest’ look.”

Taekwoon narrowed his eyes, wholly unamused, “What are you talking about? Why would I be interested in a person’s favorite drink?” Honestly, as long as people knew what _his_ favorite drink was then there would be no problems.

“Since I’m so nice, I’ll let you know that it’s a nice, not too hot, spiced chai made from scratch. Keep that in mind the next time Hakyeon-hyung comes in and looks like he might die or cry. Either of the two.”

Nevermind the impossibility of Hakyeon being that sullen, how or why Jaehwan knew this piece of information really didn’t matter to Taekwoon so he elected to ignore everything that just came out of Jaehwan’s mouth.

“The menu,” Taekwoon said plainly as he tucked his phone back into his pocket. “Come up with a list of desserts and drinks.”

Jaehwan stuck his tongue out at him, “Geez, you’re no fun.”

“Why does it matter if I know what a person’s favorite drink is?” Taekwoon asked.

“Because friendship! That’s why!” Jaehwan exclaimed, like he was on some kids show that preached the power of friendship. Well, Taekwoon knew that Jaehwan had a favorite kids show he would rewatch every now and then but that was neither here nor there.

“Hakyeon and I can hardly be considered friends,” Taekwoon stated, which Jaehwan returned with a look of exasperation.

“Sure,” Jaehwan feigned concession. “Not like you text back and forth every other minute and smile whenever he does or brighten up when your phone goes off.”

“Are you trying to imply something?” Taekwoon inquired calmly. It wasn’t significant so why would he recall any of those moments anyways? And, although Jaehwan had stopped badgering Taekwoon about how dateable Hakyeon was, Jaehwan still brought him up much too frequently.

Jaehwan sighed, shaking his head, “I’m implying that you’re friends. Why don’t you admit it? It’s not like you dislike him and he enjoys your company.”

Taekwoon motioned for Jaehwan to come closer, which Jaehwan did, skeptically. Once Jaehwan was in front of him, Taekwoon placed his hand on Jaehwan’s shoulder, stared into his eyes, and then pulled on Jaehwan’s ear, “Gah!”

“He’s like you– too talkative.”

Jaehwan grabbed at Taekwoon’s hand and tried to pry him off his ear without much success, “Well, you and I are best friends so…”

“Don’t remind me.” Taekwoon then wiggled Jaehwan’s ear violently before letting go and allowing Jaehwan to soothe his abused ear. Jaehwan retreated from Taekwoon’s immediate space, eyeing him with suspicion. Taekwoon took it in stride and dug out his personal mug from under the counter.

“You know,” Jaehwan said after a few minutes, “we should all hang out– us, Wonshik, and Hakyeon. Bring Sanghyuk too, we can order him lots of meat.” Taekwoon moved around Jaehwan to make himself a latte, not bothering to comment on the suggestion. He didn’t have any opinion on the subject.

Jaehwan interpreted it as such and passed the vanilla syrup to him, “Is that a ‘do what you want’ cold shoulder I’m getting?”

Taekwoon took the syrup and poured a generous amount into his mug after he put the grinds and water into the machine, electing to ignore Jaehwan. A few moments later, his phone buzzed in his pocket.

_[Group chat with j.hwanie, jung_taek, cha.nnn, aceravi]_

_j.hwanie_ : dinner this saturday at 6 at the bbq place (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

 _j.hwanie_ : taekwoonie hyung is paying (´∀｀)♡

 _jung_taek_ : I’m not   

Taekwoon glared at Jaehwan once he sent the text, “I’m not paying for any of you.” The phenomena of him paying only happened when he was feeling extra generous or extra caring. It mostly depended on his mood at the end of the night, but it was always fun to watch Wonshik be the first to go absolutely silent once the bill came.

 _j.hwanie_ : what a mean hyung ( ͒˃̩̩⌂˂̩̩ ͒)

Jaehwan then gave him a puppy dog pout in real life, running his finger down from his eye in mock imitation of a tear rolling down his face.

 _aceravi_ : im not paying this time!!!

 _aceravi_ : just saying

 _j.hwanie_ : (; ･`д･´) what a terrible dongsaeng smh

 _aceravi_ : you guys aer terrible hyungs who always take advantage of me!!!

 _aceravi_ : are*

 _aceravi_ : i gotta watch hongbin this weekend

 _ace ravi_ : is it cool if i bring him?

 _jung_taek_ : Turn on autocorrect

 _jung_taek_ : I’m bringing Sanghyuk

Taekwoon placed his phone down, screen side up, so he could finish his latte.

“Speaking of Wonshik,” Jaehwan hopped onto the counter to sit on, “when do you think he’ll make a move on me?”

Taekwoon was in the middle of pouring milk, but had to pause to look at Jaehwan with confusion, “Huh? What do you mean?”

Jaehwan rolled his eyes, “I’m not blind. It’s really cute, if you ask me.” He then laughed to himself, eyes scrunching up as he recalled something, “The way his face gets up when he eats something really sweet is hilarious in an endearing way.”

Which...didn’t answer his question. But, what he was actually hung up on was how Jaehwan kept his feelings to himself. He turned his attention back to pouring the rest of the milk and steaming it properly. Once that was done, he went to mix the finished espresso into the vanilla syrup.

“Do you like him back?”  

Jaehwan shrugged nonchalantly, “I’d say so.”

When Taekwoon first figured out Wonshik’s not so one-sided crush, he couldn’t understand how Wonshik could fall in love with a friend he had known for the better half of the decade. He didn’t want to come off as insensitive or nosy, so Taekwoon refrained from asking Wonshik. Good thing he could care less about Jaehwan’s feelings, “How did you manage to fall in love with him? You’ve known him since college.”

Jaehwan shrugged again, “I don’t know– one moment I was watching him gorge himself on nachos and then I thought I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life watching Wonshik eat like a slob.”

“So only recently did you start liking him.” Taekwoon carefully poured the milk into the vanilla-espresso concoction, sticking his tongue out slightly as he briefly concentrated on the task.

“Yep,” Jaehwan scooped up some of the foam of Taekwoon’s latte with his finger and stuck it into his mouth. “In college I thought he was conventionally attractive, to a degree. His fashion sense sometimes leaves much to be desired.”

Taekwoon glared at the dent in the foam Jaehwan left and then shoved Jaehwan’s thigh in revenge. “Love works in mysterious ways, my dear Taekwoonie-hyung. It doesn’t need to be grandiose; sometimes, it just _happens_.”

“Why are you so collected about it?” Historically, Jaehwan would non-stop blab about the person he was crushing on during their school years. Keeping this to himself was very… un-Jaehwan-like.

Jaehwan blankly stared at the opposite wall, thinking deeply before turning to Taekwoon, “I don’t know. Probably because I already take care of him like your stereotypical housewife. Or mom. Nothing new or exciting really.”

“You’re really bad at this,” Taekwoon concluded, much to Jaehwan’s annoyance.

“Hey, I’d like to see you try putting feelings into words!”

“Happy, sad, mad,” Taekwoon began to list off, “hate, annoying, etcetera.”

Jaehwan threw his hands up in the air in defeat, groaning, “Nevermind, I forgot how emotionally constipated you are.”

“Yah, I’m not emotionally constipated.”

“Crying because of dramas doesn’t mean you aren’t emotionally challenged.”

Both of their phones then went off. Taekwoon touched his screen to see who had sent a message, mostly to ignore Jaehwan.

 _cha.nnn_ : I’ll be there! ヾ(@^▽^@)ノ

Jaehwan slid off the counter a few seconds after, concluding the discussion and humming cheerfully to himself, “Though I guess there’s some hope.”

**

Taekwoon wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it definitely didn’t include getting ditched and having his son kidnapped by his so-called best friend. He should’ve known better, that Jaehwan would scheme something up just to mess with Taekwoon. And, leave it to Wonshik to not talk any sense into him.

 _j.hwanie_ : have fun <3333 your child is in good hands

 _jung_taek_ : I’m going to kill you slowly

Hakyeon was sitting across from him, browsing the menu like there wasn’t anything wrong with the current situation. Not that there were any real problems with it– they all wanted to eat food and that was what they were doing, albeit separately. It seemed to be business as usual with Hakyeon, but Taekwoon ducked his head behind the menu he was supposed to be looking through.   

“Should we get the A or B combo?” Doing his best to keep an aggravated sigh meant for Jaehwan under wraps, Taekwoon peeked around the menu to answer Hakyeon, “The B combo feeds four people.”

“So?” Hakyeon questioned as he waved down their waiter, not even sparing Taekwoon a second to elaborate.

“Nevermind…Just order B,” Taekwoon laid the menu down on the table and sunk himself into his seat, letting his hands rest in his lap. He yawned as he watched the waiter scurry over to their table and proceeded to nurse his ice water once the waiter left.

“How–”

“You know–”

They both stopped talking when they realized the other wanted to speak. Hakyeon hid his smile behind his hand with amusement.

“You go first.” Taekwoon said.  

“Well, if you say so,” Hakyeon crossed his arms on the table and leaned his body over them, “I was going to say how this reminds me of when we first met. Except you want to be here, or at least, I hope you do. I know we both weren’t expecting to dine by ourselves.”

Taekwoon smiled a bit at the comment, propping his left hand under his chin, “Restaurants are fine. I was planning on pushing the bill onto Jaehwan, but he’s clearly not here.”

Hakyeon hummed in agreement, “Yeah, he and Wonshik randomly bailed on us. Maybe they’re working things out?”

That may have been part of the reason why but Taekwoon thought Jaehwan had other intentions. But, it wasn’t like he could do anything about it now since he had no idea where they were. At least he could trust Jaehwan with Sanghyuk.

“They already act like a housewife and a workaholic husband,” Taekwoon rolled his eyes as he took a sip of his water. He mindlessly drew figure eights into the water left by condensation on the table with his right index finger, “Turns out Wonshik’s not holding onto a one-sided crush.”

“Wow,” Hakyeon laughed quietly, minding his volume, “He’s definitely going to have a heart attack.” It wasn’t necessary for Hakyeon to keep his voice down as the restaurant was almost packed, given it was a Saturday night, but he did. Maybe it was a good thing it was only them– waiting for a table for all six of them in the middle of dinner rush would have been frustrating for the kids.

Taekwoon nodded, wiping his finger dry with his thumb.

“Okay, now it’s your turn.”

“Oh,” Taekwoon rested both hands, left over right, on the table, “How has your job been?”

Hakyeon smiled fondly, “I underestimated the amount of boogers I could possibly get on my clothing.” He then placed folded fingers under his chin, making direct eye contact with Taekwoon. Hakyeon was probably one of few people who ever consistently maintained a piercing gaze, which unsettled Taekwoon. It was like he was being examined and all his flaws could be easily identified.

“Does that ever happen to you?” Hakyeon asked, jolting Taekwoon into focus.

“Try walls,” Taekwoon answered. “Thankfully, Sanghyuk has been doing it less lately.”

“Clean up time has that effect on kids.” Taekwoon snorted. He wasn’t very sure about that concept.

“Besides the boogers, everything is how I’d imagine it,” Hakyeon sighed with content, closing his eyes. He looked serene, Taekwoon thought. Relaxed, definitely pleased with his current course in life. Taekwoon wished he could say the same for himself.

“Oh,” Hakyeon added as he suddenly remembered something, “There’s a first grade teacher that’s going to transfer to another school so I’m going to be taking her spot next year. Maybe I’ll get Sanghyuk as my student.”

Taekwoon could imagine them getting along famously, though that could be due in part to Hakyeon’s personality and the fact that Sanghyuk was your typical hyperactive kid.

“With Sungjae, he can be a handful,” Taekwoon drank a mouthful of water, “By himself, he should be fine.”

“Knowing my luck, I’ll have them both,” Hakyeon moved away from the table, noticing the waiter coming back with their meat and side dishes. They let the waiter arrange the dishes evenly across the table before resuming their conversation, albeit with chopsticks in hand and food in their mouths.

Taekwoon watched Hakyeon grill the meat, but after a few too many charred strips, Taekwoon took over. Hakyeon admitted that he was terrible at it and usually delegated the task to someone more capable. They made small talk from there, ranging from the weather to how Hakyeon’s day typically went at the school.

“And then I spilled coffee all over the copies and my shirt,” Hakyeon huffed, stuffing the last of the kimchi and rice into his mouth. “At least I had a spare shirt in my car.”

Taekwoon grinned into his cup as Hakyeon finished his retelling. The other had gathered a surprisingly large collection of interesting stories from the last few months he had been working, as well as tales from the nights he worked at the club as a dancer-waiter. By comparison, Taekwoon didn’t have much going on in his life, besides raising a kid and he doubted Hakyeon wanted to hear about the potty training era.

“The last thing you need is to get charged for public indecency,” Taekwoon said wryly.

Hakyeon recoiled, “Hey, if I had to choose between wearing a stained shirt or going topless at work, I would wear the shirt!”

“I think you’d fake illness to go home early, at the very least,” Taekwoon amended.

“I’m not that obsessed with my looks!” Hakyeon puffed out his cheeks and glared at Taekwoon, who rolled his eyes.

“You used your phone to check your hair four times in the past twenty minutes and then readjusted your shirt six times.” Taekwoon wasn’t actively keeping track, rather, Hakyeon wasn’t very subtle about it.

“I– mm,” Hakyeon sucked in his lips with annoyance, “I just want to make sure everything looks fine. I like being presentable because it’s professional.”

“I didn’t know this was a formal meeting.” Taekwoon reached over the table to push at Hakyeon’s forehead with his finger, “You look fine though, relax.”

Hakyeon swatted at Taekwoon’s finger and rubbed at the spot Taekwoon was pushing on. “Thanks…” he mumbled.         

“Speaking of presenting,” Hakyeon stabbed at the uneaten pickled radishes and ate some of them, “I heard from Wonshik about how you once showed all your customers pictures of Sanghyuk?” Taekwoon went red. Why did Hakyeon have to suddenly ask such a random and embarrassing question?

“Sorry for randomly bringing it up,” Hakyeon hid his mouth behind his hand, obviously trying his hardest to not laugh, “Wow, I really wasn’t expecting your face to get that red that fast.”

Taekwoon knocked back the rest of his water, hoping it would quell the heat, “Shut up.”

Hakyeon laughed hard and unrestrained, bending over the table, “I’m sorry but you’re really not helping it.”

Taekwoon exhaled vexedly, “It’s not that big of a deal.” He remembered that particular event well. It was around two years ago and a customer, a mother, had asked about Sanghyuk. Aside from how Taekwoon jinxed himself by believing three years old was going to be much better than two years old (hell, terrible twos was a coined term), Taekwoon said he was doing well.

“We went on a trip and I took a cute picture of him. The woman was asking how he was doing so I showed her that picture,” Taekwoon explained, crossing his arms across his chest and cocking his head to the side, “And then everybody grouped around me.”

“Oh, but I also heard that you went through your photo album for ten minutes,” Hakyeon added.

Why did Wonshik have such a big mouth? He wasn’t going to tell Hakyeon that he liked to show off Sanghyuk’s pictures to every willing person within a five feet radius.

“No comment.”

Hakyeon pouted, “You’re no fun. Why do you get to make fun of me but I can’t tease you?”

Taekwoon felt his eye twitch, “I don’t like being fun with people over the age of thirteen.”

“Hmph,” Hakyeon looked like he was going to throw a tantrum. Taekwoon took a moment to mentally consider his options and their subsequent consequences.

“Here,” Taekwoon unlocked his phone and opened up a photo album before sliding it across the table. Hakyeon glanced at the phone, then up at Taekwoon, brow quirked.

“Which picture did you show that lady?” Taekwoon reached over to scroll up through his collection of photos, knowing exactly where the photo in question was located. He clicked on it once he found it and a picture of a toddler Sanghyuk clad in a much too large snapback enlarged onto the screen.

Hakyeon picked up the phone to get a closer look, delight spreading across his face, “Oh my god, he’s so cute!”

“You can look through them, if you want.” Though it looked like Hakyeon was already helping himself as his thumb was already swiping across the screen.     

“Wow, Sanghyuk is dressed so cutely in all of these,” Hakyeon noted, but then quickly added, “Not that I doubt your abilities or anything.”

“Ah, that…” Taekwoon’s smiled awkwardly. How, again, was he supposed to explain it properly? Months had already gone by and he still wasn’t used to it, the need to consciously acknowledge it. He tucked his hands under the table, mechanically moving to twist his wedding band.

“My...my late wife…” Great, he just needed to spit out the rest of the sentence, “...was good at that kind of stuff.”

“Um,” Hakyeon lowered the phone slowly, eyes wide screaming _oh shit_ , “O–Oh, I’m sorry.”

Hakyeon’s posture took on a stiff awkwardness as he held Taekwoon’s phone lifelessly. Taekwoon did his best to offer Hakyeon a small half-smile, “It’s okay. You had no way of knowing. It wasn’t recent– it’s been seven months now.”

“Still!” Hakyeon’s hands flew up to cover his mouth when it came out too insistently, “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” Taekwoon, automatically falling back on routine, accepted it tiredly, “I’m surprised you haven’t heard it from any of the others.” Truthfully, he didn’t care who knew or not. It didn’t change anything.

Hakyeon looked at him with what Taekwoon could instantly identify as pity, something else he had grown used to. “I don’t think they had any reason to bring it up…” Hakyeon replied softly, and then in a normal voice, “But, nevermind that. We can change the subject.”

“Sure,” Taekwoon conceded weakly, though Hakyeon looked slightly peeved. If anything, Taekwoon was grateful for Hakyeon offering to move on. He could feel distress leaving his body, allowing it relax a bit.

“This is about you, Taekwoon, not me.” Hakyeon sighed, placing the forgotten phone in front of Taekwoon, “If you’re ever uncomfortable about anything I say or do, tell me...okay?”

Taekwoon felt like he was on the receiving end of a scolding with the way Hakyeon was looking at him so sternly and insistently. He slowly moved his hands onto the table to fiddle with the sides of his phone, eyes downcast, “Yeah…”

Hakyeon covered Taekwoon’s left hand with his own. It felt weirdly intimate in a way Taekwoon couldn’t put his finger on, but he doesn’t do anything about it– he lets the soothing warmth permeate through his cold fingers. He hadn’t noticed it before, but he was incredibly pale in an almost unhealthy way.

“I just don’t want to see you upset.” Hakyeon said lowly with heartfelt sincerity, lightly gripping Taekwoon’s hand, “It really doesn’t suit your face.”

“What does my face have to do with anything,” Taekwoon snorted, but he treasured Hakyeon’s concern.

**

“How was school today?” Taekwoon sat down at the table Sanghyuk decided to occupy that day with an apple turnover and milk for him. Sanghyuk had his backpack on the table, its contents exposed. Sanghyuk snatched up the turnover and happily took a big bite out of it.

“Why don’t you ask me how my day was?” Jaehwan pouted, pulling a chair up and sitting in it backwards.

Taekwoon shoved his hand against Jaehwan’s face without directing his attention away from Sanghyuk, “Did you do anything fun?”

“Sungjae and I made a tower thiiiiis big!” Sanghyuk stretched out his hands as far as he could. “And then we got to draw pictures! I got to bring it home! I’m going to show you!”

Sanghyuk then went to wildly search for the drawing in question in his bag. Meanwhile, Jaehwan was pouting at Taekwoon, body drooped in the chair he was sitting in. Taekwoon looked at him questioningly, like he couldn’t figure out what Jaehwan was trying to do.

“Why’re you always so cold to me hyung. What happened to that seventeen year old soccer head who would give me back hugs?” Jaehwan whined. Taekwoon thrusted his finger at Jaehwan’s forehead, pushing his head back.

“You were a good heater,” Taekwoon said simply, “And then you weren’t.”

“Well,” Jaehwan scooched his chair closer to Taekwoon, “since you’re being cold to me right now, that must mean you need some warm love!”  

Taekwoon kicked the leg of Jaehwan’s chair away, and Jaehwan along with it, “You’re too skinny. You should eat more.”

Jaehwan grumbled, but moved back to his initial spot, “I can’t help how fast my metabolism works.”

“Found it!” Sanghyuk declared to the duo and slapped a white piece of printer paper onto the table for them to see. As soon as he saw it, Taekwoon involuntarily cringed and had to bite down on his tongue to stop himself from saying the first thing that came to mind.  

“It looks great!” Jaehwan praised, “Your use of colors is fabulous.”

“Yeah, it does,” Taekwoon agreed.

Sanghyuk got up on his knees so he could point out every aspect of the picture easier, “Look that’s me in the middle… and that’s Dad and Mom and that’s our cat and dog.” The dog and cat were honestly really cute and Nayoung was drawn beautifully, as far as stick figure drawings went. Sanghyuk was in the middle, holding Taekwoon and Nayoung’s hands, and they all had smiley faces.

“Wow, it really looks like them. You don’t have a cat or dog though,” Jaehwan said, puzzled.

“I will when Dad lets me!” Sanghyuk smiled triumphantly, “But if he doesn’t, I’m gonna ask Santa!”

Taekwoon let a smile break onto his face as he turned the paper so that he was looking at it upright, “You drew it really well, Hyukie.” He studied the drawing, noting how Sanghyuk accurately captured his hair, which stirred an amused laugh out of him, “I’ll put it on the fridge when we get home.”

Taekwoon gently ran his hand across the paper, pausing for a millisecond over the small yellow ring over Nayoung’s head. It didn’t bother him. He wasn’t going to let it.  

**

Spontaneity wasn’t something Taekwoon would attribute to his personality. But he got up one morning, drove Sanghyuk to school, and called Jaehwan to inform him that he was going to take the day off starting immediately and to babysit Sanghyuk. After he hung up, not even clocking thirty seconds on the call, Jaehwan sent him twenty-one texts before Taekwoon muted him.

He should feel guilty about doing this to Jaehwan, but he doesn’t. Taekwoon knew he had hit the breaking point, that he couldn’t push away the beginnings of another bad day like he usually would. It felt terrible and being at the cafe, at home– hell, even the city– churned Taekwoon’s stomach. He needed to _go_.

So, he got into his car and started driving. He didn’t know where his destination was, but west seemed like a good start. The top twenty songs on the charts blared through his speakers as he weaved through traffic down the expressway. It wasn’t until he had reached the city limits and didn’t recognize the scenery did the jitters subside.    

**

Taekwoon breathed in the air– clear and crisp, void of any humidity. Lately, the nights had gotten progressively colder as autumn was starting to fully roll through the city. Thankfully, he had a cardigan in his car to help protect himself from the occasional cold breeze. He had been sitting there, legs looped through the railing of a small bridge that was stretched over an equally small creek in one of the residential districts, for a while. Behind him, the streetlights began to flicker to life.

He imagined the neighborhood kids would slide through the railing during the summer to play in the shallow creek, but right now, only the flowing water under his feet and the music from his earphones that dangled around his neck resounded into the night.

When he goes to put his right earphone in, Taekwoon was distantly reminded of his teenage years. During those years, he would do something similar– wander the neighborhood streets at night with only his earphones and music player as company. Taekwoon smiled to himself as he rummaged through the plastic bag next to him for one of few canned drinks he bought.

Taekwoon pulled the tab on his chosen drink (iced coffee), the crack disparaging against the stillness of the night. He took a mouthful, wondering if people looked through their windows and thought he was a delinquent trying to get wasted. Getting drunk would be an easy way to stop thinking, but he’d like to get home in one respectful piece. He was also more keen on staring off into space.

There wasn’t much to fix his gaze on. The creek continued down for a few meters before it bended out of sight behind the foundation of another bridge and road. If he looked down into the water, he could see a few weeds poking through the water’s clear surface, as well as his face if he bent forward enough. Otherwise, he just saw the underside of his sneakers.

He sighed, leaning the right side of his face against one of the railing poles. Music flooded into his head through one ear and the chirps of crickets through the other. It was calming. Just what he was chasing after.     

It doesn’t take long for Taekwoon to work through more than half of his drinks. A few songs later and he was idly rearranging a four can tall tower into a line parallel to the ledge of the bridge on his left. Taekwoon could barely remember the last time he had enough hours to do nothing but fiddle with whatever was in hands reach. Probably during simpler times.

Taekwoon tilted his head up, the sky coming into full view. It was a relatively cloudless night. He could see the moon, full and bright, casting its glow onto all that was exposed to the world. If he had gone out to the mountains, would he be able to see the stars? They were something he only ever saw in photos. But, if they were as pretty as they supposedly looked, then maybe it would be worthwhile to buckle Sanghyuk into his car seat and see for themselves.

He knew, if Nayoung was still alive, she would have been overly ecstatic at the chance to see them but not at the possibility of camping. Taekwoon laughed softly, thinking about how she would hide behind either him or Sanghyuk the moment the sun set. And, when it came to bugs, Sanghyuk was the only one who could even look at them without flinching.

For breakfast, Taekwoon would make veggie omelettes because the other two barely ingested enough vegetables willingly. Nayoung would fool around and put her hands over his from behind, and try to cook like that. Sanghyuk would riot for meat and Nayoung would egg him on. He would most likely be tired and cave in, promising meat for lunch or dinner.

The night sky was a slate that allowed for the beautifulest of designs and he couldn’t share that with his whole family anymore. They couldn’t see the flowers blooming again nor will his home be filled with as much bright laughter as it used to be. There were too many things racking up that an uncontrollable dry sob wracked through Taekwoon’s body as he continued to gaze up at the sky.

The memories, the what-ifs, and the dashed dreams… they were inescapable. All he wanted was for his heart to stop aching...to stop pushing sorrow into his veins. What would he have to do to be spared such reprieve?  

Taekwoon dropped his head, relieving the tension in his neck. His arms cross themselves over the horizontal bar of the railing and he ducked his head into them. He could feel his tailbone groan from being sat on as he leaned his upper body forward into his arms. Concentrating on a single thing usually helped Taekwoon take his mind off of anything so he tried to absorb himself into the music, swaying his body to the beat.

“Taekwoonie!” Taekwoon’s fist came flying up, body snapping to attention, when he felt a hand suddenly grab his shoulder. Hakyeon stumbled back, hands up, looking as surprised as Taekwoon. He didn’t even hear footsteps approaching him...

“Hakyeon?!” If he was going to run into anybody, Hakyeon was the last person he expected.   

“Oh my god, you almost hit me!” Hakyeon yelped, hand over his heart in an effort to calm it. Taekwoon could feel his own heart threatening to beat out of his chest from the sudden adrenaline rush.

“Hold on, were you crying?” Taekwoon self-consciously whipped his head away from Hakyeon and wiped at his face. He didn’t even know he was crying until his sleeve came away damp.     

“No, I...wasn’t,” he had to remember to breathe because the adrenaline wasn’t helping, “Sorry for almost hitting you... I thought it was someone trying to rob me.”   

“I called your name almost five times,” Hakyeon looked miffed, but didn’t complain anymore nor pushed the matter on Taekwoon’s state. He walked up to Taekwoon again and pressed the front of his sneaker against the plastic bag by Taekwoon, “Are you out here getting drunk?”

“No,” Taekwoon denied sharply. “What are you doing here?” He was two districts over and he doubted Hakyeon lived in the area nor was taking a nightly stroll.

Hakyeon sat down on his left, threading his legs through the railing as he rifled through the bag, “I spotted your car parked over there and wanted to see if I could find you.”

Taekwoon knew bullshit when he heard it, “Did Jaehwan tell you to come?” Hakyeon plucked out a bottle of oolong tea and snapped the cap off, “He claims he hasn’t been able to get a hold of you for the last ten-or-so hours. So he tracked your phone and asked me to drag you out of whatever ditch you ended up in.”

Hakyeon knocked his head back, letting the tea drain down his throat, “We don’t need to talk about anything. I just need to confirm you’re alive, hold on.” Hakyeon took out his phone and Taekwoon heard a distinct shutter sound coming from it. Taekwoon had the foresight to look as grumpy as hell for the picture that was probably being sent to Jaehwan.

He sighed heavily, rummaging for another drink, “I swear Jaehwan gets off on being an overbearing mother.”

“That could be true but he was worried,” Hakyeon stated.

“Hng,” Taekwoon cracked open the can he grabbed– sikhye– and turned himself back to face forward. He took a drink, but having another person around changed the atmospheric mood. Taekwoon eyed Hakyeon, who was leisurely enjoying his stolen tea in one hand and leaning back on his other. Hakyeon wasn’t paying him any mind.

“Are you just going to sit there?” he thought Hakyeon would leave Taekwoon be once he completed Jaehwan’s task, but there he sat.

Hakyeon glanced at him contemplatively from the corner of his eye, “It’s nice out,” then back up at the sky, “it’d be a waste not to.”

Taekwoon made a sound in agreement, but didn’t try to pursue any real conversation with the other. Instead, he sat there cradling his can. He could hear Hakyeon’s soft breathing mingling with the chirping of crickets, even breathes through his nose. Hakyeon was dressed in a white t-shirt, but he didn’t look bothered by the temperature.

“So,” Hakyeon leaned over the horizontal bar, letting his arms dangle over it, “why’re you out here?”

It was asked nonchalantly, like Hakyeon wasn’t expecting an answer. Taekwoon closed his mouth around the rim of the sikhye and tilted it up. He gazed down at the can once he was done, wiggling the can a bit to make sure there wasn’t any left.

“I was trying not to think about Nayoungie, but it went as well as I expected,” Taekwoon placed the empty can down next to the other empty beverage containers. He had been sitting in the same position for a while so he adjusted his body a bit so he wouldn’t be sore from it later.

Hakyeon perked up with alarm at how blunt Taekwoon’s reply was and directed his full attention to him, “Is that your late wife?”

It took Taekwoon a few beats to confirm Hakyeon’s guess, not taking his eyes off the water, “Yes.”

“Is this where you’ve been all day?” Hakyeon gestured to their surroundings curiously.

Taekwoon exhaled through his mouth, “I went to the coast.”

“Really?” Hakyeon asked, flabbergasted, “It’s too cold for that.”

Well, he didn’t go there to splash around in the water. Taekwoon knew it was too cold for anybody to go, which was precisely why he drove the two-odd hours, “I wanted to clear my head.”

“That’s pretty far,” Hakyeon noted, though more to himself. “How was it?”

“Cold.”

Hakyeon laughed at the statement, “Anything else?”

If it was during the summer time, the area would have been bustling with people and vendors as far as the eye could see. But when Taekwoon went, there was barely anybody around, “It was quiet and pretty.”

While there were some people walking along the pier and the mini bays, it was a far cry from the busy summer season. He walked along the boardwalk until he found a bench that he ended up cloudwatching from. It wasn’t a very windy day so the clouds moved languidly across the bright blue sky, like they were in no rush to get to their destination.

“Did it help clear your mind?”

“To an extent,” Taekwoon paused. “Only for a short while.”

“What else did you do?” Hakyeon asked another question that it was starting to feel like he was talking to Sanghyuk, who would buzz around him with too much curiosity. Much like with Sanghyuk, Taekwoon didn’t particularly mind it.

“I went to a coffee shop nearby. The chocolate croissants were alright but cost too much.”

Hakyeon shook his head, “Anything at or near popular places are going to be pricey.”

“I was hungry,” Taekwoon explained. “It doesn’t make a difference to me anyways.”

“How are you not broke?” Hakyeon looked at him with disbelief, but he moved on, “That can’t be all.”

Taekwoon rested his hands in his lap, fiddling his thumbs together, “I stopped by a bookstore and bought a cookbook. And then I sat at another coffee shop and read through it.” That time around, he got himself some bread pudding that he actually wanted to emulate. Compared to the first shop he went to, this one was a better culinary experience. Taekwoon must’ve spent at least an hour sitting in that little shop, with its antique tables and dark walls, leafing through the cookbook he just bought. There was a little matte-white lamp that hung over the table that Taekwoon almost knocked his head against due to his height.

“Don’t tell me you went to another coffee shop for dinner too…” Hakyeon said with resignation.

“I got ramen from the convenience store,” Taekwoon supplied, though once he said it aloud, it sounded much worse. Hakyeon thought so too as he tsked.

“And I thought I only had to lecture small children and Wonshik about the food pyramid.” Taekwoon peered over at Hakyeon, who was shaking his head again. It was amusing to watch Hakyeon get worked up over the smaller details.

“I’m not as bad as Wonshik,” Taekwoon mumbled in defense of himself. Hakyeon rolled his eyes, not buying it. He then donned a distant look, expression neutral like he was mulling over something.

“When I first met you,” Hakyeon began suddenly, speaking like he was divulging a secret, “You always looked pained when you thought no one was looking. Like you were barely keeping it together...”

“I…” Taekwoon lowered his eyes, shocked and unsure of what to say about the observation. He didn’t know his expressions were betraying his thoughts that easily, but those months were the most tumultuous for Taekwoon.

“I could barely stop thinking about Nayoung…” he started off cautiously, wary about sharing his deeper thoughts, “...about how our future would’ve been like. Even now...” Confining in others was an activity Taekwoon rarely did willingly, and even then he only did so with Jaehwan under severe coercion or in weakness. But right now, everything was just spilling out of him without regard. 

Taekwoon let out a shaky breath, “When will time heal my wounds…I’m tired of all of this.”

“Everybody goes at their own pace,” Hakyeon assured, twisting his torso so he could face Taekwoon.  

“I don’t have the luxury of taking my time,” Taekwoon frustratingly clenched at the fabric of his jeans so hard that the white of his knuckles began to show. The next bit comes out as a small whimper, “My heart is too weak for this.”

“But, the fact that you’ve managed to come this far, raising Sanghyuk on your own and keeping your responsibilities, really is a testament of your strength,” Hakyeon reminded him, trying to offer Taekwoon some respite.

“It doesn’t stop me from waking up and hoping all of it was a bad dream,” Taekwoon bit out bitterly. What was he supposed to do when his brain was involuntarily reminded of Nayoung at every other corner? He can’t control how his brain works.  

“Maybe it hasn’t fully sunk in yet,” Hakyeon proposed delicately, like he was carefully sliding a piece of fish to a stray cat, unsure if it would take it or scratch his hand.  

“I’ve accepted it,” Taekwoon muttered hoarsely, voice thick with pain as he looked into Hakyeon’s eyes searching for an all-cure. “I’ve been re-accepting it almost everyday.” His eyes stung at the corners and he knew that no matter how attempts to rub it away, the sensation would come back even more persistent.  

Hakyeon scrunched his brows together and dodged Taekwoon’s gaze, “If you keep on having wishful thoughts and hang yourself up on impossible possibilities, it means you really haven’t accepted it.”

Taekwoon had never thought about it like that before. It could be seen that way, wishfully thinking about futures where she was alive, which pulled him further from his lonely reality. When Taekwoon didn’t say anything, Hakyeon continued, “It’s not healthy to cling onto someone who lives in the past.”

“I get it,” Taekwoon insisted lowly, desperately, voice cracking. He could feel fresh tears beginning to flow and stared down at the concrete, “I do, but I can’t stop loving her.” Never would Taekwoon have imagined loving another could bring him so much pain and agony.  

Hakyeon didn’t know what to say to him– he sucked in his lips, struck silent. Taekwoon’s broken cries and staggered breaths were the only sounds filling the space between them.   

Taekwoon eventually broke the silence a minute later after trying to compose himself, but it was evident he was still beyond upset, “I feel like if I try to live like nothing’s happened, all the years we spent together meant nothing.”

There’s another pause in the conversation, though it also goes short lived. The air was too thick, too charged with emotion, to inhale without choking on it and this time, Hakyeon was the first to tread through it. “I’m going to be terribly pretentious,” he said, his voice gliding lithely through the air, “but if she loved you, she wouldn’t want your sadness weighing you down.”

Hakyeon took a breath then looked up at the sky, taking in the view, “Those years were precious years that will always hold value in your heart and I doubt she’d want you wasting the time she couldn’t have by wallowing around.”

“You have a lot to live for, including Nayoung-ssi. It’s a lot harder than it sounds but I’m–” Hakyeon coughed, “–we’re all here for you, even when it gets rough.”

The air goes quiet once more. Taekwoon was trying to mute his hiccups and didn’t do anything to acknowledge Hakyeon’s words. He didn’t dare raise his head up from the water’s surface when Hakyeon finished because he was filled with shame for unintentionally unloading seven month’s worth of emotions onto the other.  

“You know what,” Hakyeon strained out a self-deprecating laugh, “forget everything I said. I’m going to go…” He placed his now empty bottle on the concrete in line with the rest of Taekwoon’s growing collection and steadily pushed himself up from the ground, “Sorry if I was bothering you.”

“...No,” Taekwoon blindly reached his hand out to grasp Hakyeon’s right before he walked off, voice scratchy, “I’m sorry. I’m not usually like this. Stay…please... ”

Taekwoon was scared Hakyeon would ignore him and leave. He held his breath, waiting for Hakyeon to move in one of two directions.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” Hakyeon sat back down right next to Taekwoon who didn’t let Hakyeon’s hand go. Hakyeon tucked his knees up to his chest and rested his head on them, patiently waiting for Taekwoon to say more.

“I...miss her so much right now…” Taekwoon admitted, barely above a whisper, “I’m sorry for being selfish.”

Hakyeon separated his hand from Taekwoon’s and brought it around to pull Taekwoon’s head onto his shoulder. Taekwoon was surprised by the sudden warmth that met his cheek and subtle scent of lavender that suddenly enveloped his nose.

“Be as selfish as you want,” Hakyeon said. Taekwoon could feel the tears on his cheek being dried off on Hakyeon’s shirt and new tears landing on those damp spots. He didn’t know what to say to Hakyeon... Taekwoon was at a total loss for words.      

Taekwoon felt Hakyeon’s hand move to lazily rub small circles into his back, in an effort to provide comfort. “If it’s any solace, you’ve been looking less sad these days,” Hakyeon said quietly into the night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to lengthen my chapters from now on so hopefully it doesn't mess with the integrity of the story too much  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/zeroo_cb)


	5. Chapter 5

“Why’re you looking at me like that.”

“I’m not looking at you.”

“Jaehwan.” Taekwoon visibly exhaled, feeling his shoulders drop after moving the last cupcake from tray to display, “Are you mad at me?”

By the time Taekwoon had calmed down enough to drive himself home last night, it was almost eleven. He at least had the decency to text Jaehwan when he would be coming to relieve him of Sanghyuk, but apparently they were holed up at Taekwoon’s apartment. Sanghyuk was already fast asleep, however Jaehwan was quietly waiting for him in the living room unperturbed. Coming home to Jaehwan felt like running into his mother at the front door, well past one in the morning, and he was sixteen.

Frankly, to say Jaehwan seemed mad was an understatement. He barely acknowledged Taekwoon’s return, leaving soon after Taekwoon placed his keys on the coffee table. Fast forward a few hours and now they were preparing to open up in relative silence.

“Who said I’m mad?” Jaehwan asked flatly, keeping his distance from Taekwoon. Regardless, Taekwoon could still feel Jaehwan glaring daggers into his head.

Taekwoon dropped the empty tray on the counter, the sound spiking sharply through the cafe. He turned himself around, meeting Jaehwan’s side profile from a distance. Taekwoon pushed his sleeves up and leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. Jaehwan glanced at him from the corner of his eye and then looked away.

A mad Jaehwan always meant a concerned Taekwoon because barely anything ever made Jaehwan so blatantly upset. Jaehwan didn’t blow up at people, he just gave them the cold shoulder like a stubborn brat who refused to say what was wrong until it bubbled over. It was an unsettling occurrence that rarely happened.

“Look,” Jaehwan didn’t make any motion to suggest he was listening, but Taekwoon continued, “I’m sorry for not giving you any warning. I shouldn’t take advantage of you like that.”

Jaehwan sighed and pushed a hand through his hair, “That’s not what’s bothering me.”

“Then, what then?”

Taekwoon waited patiently for an answer, and it appeared that Jaehwan was waiting for the right words to come to him. “I–,” Jaehwan heaved another sigh.

“I don’t care if you need me to take care of Sanghyuk at the last minute. But, you can’t just fuck off to wherever you want for a whole day and not tell anybody where,” Jaehwan said steadily, contrasting the distaste that was rolling off his posture.  

Taekwoon didn’t get where Jaehwan was coming from, “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Jaehwan turned around, frown present, “I let it slide when Nayoung was in the hospital, but we aren’t teenagers anymore. Would it kill you to think a bit more?”

Taekwoon flinched at the comment. Sure, he may have disappeared for a day’s time every few weeks during his teenage years, but what did that have to do with the present? Jaehwan was never critical about it until now, “I don’t follow.”

“I...I was just–” Jaehwan rubbed his face as he stared at the floor, “I was scared, okay? I could count on you being consistent and predictable– if something bothered you, I could see it from a mile away. But this time, I was blindsided and I didn’t know what to think.”

Taekwoon took a moment to take it in. Jaehwan was always a busybody and would only make an effort to stop meddling into an issue when you’ve reassured him numerous times that everything was peachy. He was all too used to it, but what more could he say to ease Jaehwan?

“I wouldn’t do anything to make you worry on purpose,” Taekwoon said quietly, finding himself drawn over to Jaehwan’s side. His hand found its way to Jaehwan’s shoulder, squeezing it in an attempt at reassurance.   

“Well, I know you don’t do it on purpose. You’ve been more like yourself the last few weeks that I wasn’t expecting you to go off somewhere like you usually do when you’re inconsolable,” Jaehwan explained, shaking Taekwoon’s hand off his shoulder. “I was scared that you were reverting back to the mess you were before, like everything up to this point was for nothing.”

Taekwoon willingly dropped his hand, also deciding to hold a staring contest with the floor. It was true he took off because it felt like he couldn’t breath without suffocating first, but Taekwoon couldn’t afford to take ten steps backwards.

“I was mad at you all night, but Taekwoon-hyung,” Jaehwan said softly, shifting around awkwardly, “I don’t want to lose you again.”

Taekwoon sighed, noting how Jaehwan was trying to direct his body away from him, “I’m not going anywhere, stupid.” He wrapped his arm around Jaehwan’s chest, causing Jaehwan to squawk in surprise, and pulled him into a half-hug. Taekwoon perched his chin on Jaehwan’s shoulder, “You need to stop worrying about me. I’m older than you, it should be the other way around.”

Jaehwan thunked his forehead against Taekwoon’s shoulder, “Don’t call me stupid, stupid hyung. I’ll only stop worrying when you give me a good reason to stop.” Taekwoon pinched Jaehwan’s side hard enough to coax out a yelp.

“Ugh, I don’t want your hugs if you’re gonna pinch me,” Jaehwan shrieked, trying to wiggle his way out of Taekwoon’s hold with newfound energy. Instead, he got another pinch and almost fell over after nearly jumping out of his skin.

“You know I’m sensitive there! Ack! Foul!”

**

“Here,” a plate and steaming hot mug clacked onto the small table, stealing Hakyeon’s attention away from his laptop. Taekwoon sat himself down across from Hakyeon with his own white ceramic mug in hand, legs crossed and eyes out the window as he drank a few sips from his hot latte. Jaehwan was baking more pastries and there was nobody in the cafe, save for Hakyeon, so Taekwoon decided to take a break.

Hakyeon pulled himself away from his laptop and regarded the set-up quizzically. It was a Friday afternoon and Hakyeon had the day off. He was probably seated in front of his laptop for almost thirty minutes before Taekwoon decided to deliver edible goods to him.

“Is that a cat mug?” Hakyeon pointed at Taekwoon’s mug with unhindered mirth. Taekwoon rotated his mug so that the cat face was hidden from view. Wonshik gifted it to him because it was cute and immediately reminded Wonshik of Taekwoon somehow.

“I just thought it was cute…” Hakyeon muttered under his breath and leaned forward in his seat. “What’s all this for?”

“Cake. Tea. Fork.” Taekwoon put down his mug and pointed at each item as he identified them.

Hakyeon didn’t look very impressed, “I have eyes, too. And that doesn't answer my question.”

Taekwoon turned himself to the side once he felt the tips of his ears warm up, “I’m apologizing for the other night.”

Being seen at his worst was one thing, but because it was Hakyeon, shame weighed down on Taekwoon’s shoulders. And, even though he had no obligation to do so, Hakyeon stayed with him until he calmed down. It weighed on his mind how he could possibly repay Hakyeon for putting up with him. At the very least, Taekwoon could offer Hakyeon some free treats.

Hakyeon childishly sucked in his bottom lip, blatantly peeved, “I told you before you don’t have anything to be sorry for. You need to work on your listening skills.”

Taekwoon glared at him, albeit without any bite behind it, “Can’t you accept my apology?”

“Uh,” Hakyeon tapped his cheek thoughtfully, “no.”

“Don’t eat this then,” Taekwoon moved to drag the plate to his side of the table but Hakyeon swept it up and away.

“I did what any friend would do,” Hakyeon placed the plate directly in front of him and shook the fork at Taekwoon’s head before delving into the cake slice. “Besides, I’m already eating it,” he then let out a thoroughly content sound as he swallowed a bite.

Friend. At this point, Taekwoon guessed he could consider Hakyeon that after four months of being in each other’s presence, sharing more than a handful of conversations, and having cried on Hakyeon’s shoulder at least once now.

“You know, one slice of this black forest mousse cake has to be worth one thousand calories,” Hakyeon commented offhandedly. Nevertheless, he tore off another large chunk to slide into his mouth.

“There’s also tea,” Taekwoon added, taking another sip of his latte.

Hakyeon lit up, eyeing the previously forgotten light blue mug Taekwoon brought over with interest, “What kind of tea is it?”

“Spiced chai.”

Hakyeon dropped his fork, which noisily clattered against the plate. He whisked the mug up into his hands and inhaled the aroma, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen it on the menu.”

“That’s because it’s not.” Taekwoon’s voice then began to taper off, “It’s my first time making it so if it doesn’t taste good, don’t drink it...” He already had most of the spices needed to make the drink, but since Taekwoon didn’t consume spiced chais as often as vanilla lattes, he wasn’t entirely sure of how a decent cup should taste.

“Mm!” Hakyeon drank a whole mouthful, his whole body peeking up, “Are you sure it’s your first time? This tastes great!”

“That’s a relief.” The way Hakyeon expressed his enjoyment made it easier for Taekwoon to let go of the breath he was holding, “I wasn’t sure if I got the proportions right.” His ears were definitely pink but Taekwoon did his best to stay composed from receiving the praise.

Hakyeon let out a groan, “How are you so good at everything?”

“I’m not, I just like making things,” Taekwoon replied quickly and bashfully. He spent his childhood and teenage years baking almost every weekend– he had started off helping his mother bake cakes and then slowly took control of their oven. The satisfaction he felt when his bakes come out perfectly as a kid still came to him years later.  

“I can teach you how to make sweets and lattes though. It’s not difficult.”

Taekwoon wasn’t sure what possessed him to propose such an idea but Hakyeon didn’t spare him a second to think about what he had just said, “Really?” Hakyeon jumped up, a wide smile adorning his face.

“I–um,” Taekwoon grasped the handle of his mug with his left hand, examining the way the light caught on his ring. It wasn’t like Taekwoon had a problem with the idea itself, rather, he had an issue with himself. His social skills probably deteriorated over the past year and he didn't pay it much heed as it hardly mattered when it came to Jaehwan and Wonshik, whom took everything in stride. But, it wouldn't be very polite of him to rescind the offer a second later, “Yeah. Whenever you want.”

Hakyeon was absolutely radiating. Even though Taekwoon had his concerns about the idea, he couldn’t understand why Hakyeon was so elated about something so simple. Then again, there were many things Taekwoon didn’t understand about the other.

“Next Friday,” Hakyeon said. “You and Sanghyuk can come over my place and I can make dinner!” Taekwoon was taken aback– he wasn’t expecting Hakyeon to be so open to the prospect nor a sudden invitation. And, bringing Sanghyuk with him was something Taekwoon was even less sure about.

“Sanghyuk has a playdate with Wonshik’s nephew on Friday, but,” Taekwoon exhaled, offering Hakyeon a small smile. He was about to take a serious leap, “Friday is manageable.”

**

“Sanghyuk!”

Instead of stopping, Sanghyuk got even more giddy as he barrelled his way down the aisle in search of rocky road ice cream. It was the end of the day and Taekwoon was exhausted, if his droopy posture was anything to go by.

The whole day his mind was half preoccupied by his new time commitment with Hakyeon, agonizing over why he had agreed to it on the spot instead of staying in his comfort zone and declining. He tried to rationalize it by claiming he didn’t want to be rude to a person who could probably renew anybody’s hope in humanity, but Taekwoon was diving head first into uncharted waters.

With a sigh, Taekwoon pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind and focused on Sanghyuk. He could use some of Sanghyuk’s bottomless pit of energy but for now, he’d have to settle for keeping Sanghyuk in his sights as Sanghyuk dashed around.

Shopping usually went like this anyways. People would tell him to stick Sanghyuk into the cart seat but Sanghyuk got incredibly fidgety if he was forced into one. Taekwoon didn't have to worry about anything though as Sanghyuk knew to stay nearby if he wanted to wander a bit.

Sanghyuk had opened one of the freezer doors and was standing on his tiptoes in an effort look at the contents of the freezer shelf above. Taekwoon stopped behind him and bent his knees a bit to retrieve the carton of ice cream Sanghyuk wanted.

“I can't wait to be tall!” Sanghyuk chirped happily as he took the carton out of Taekwoon’s hands. “Then I can get all the ice cream I want.”

“If you eat all of your vegetables and drink your milk, you’ll be tall.”

Sanghyuk let out a grumble of disgust, “Bleeeh,veggies.”

“Put the ice cream in the basket before you freeze your fingers off,” Taekwoon lowered the basket so Sanghyuk could drop it in without hassle. He didn’t need Sanghyuk getting frostbite anytime soon. Once the ice cream was safely deposited, Taekwoon held Sanghyuk’s hand to warm it up as they left the freezer section and headed towards the baking aisle.

“Sanghyuk, do you want to get that cake mix for me?” Taekwoon asked Sanghyuk, pointing towards the top shelf. Sure he could easily grab it himself, but he thought Sanghyuk would get a kick out of it.

“Yeah!” Sanghyuk exclaimed. Taekwoon replaced his shopping basket for Sanghyuk and easily raised him up to retrieve the box, “Woah! I can see everything from here!”

When Sanghyuk wasn't making any attempts to grab the box, Taekwoon shook him left and right. He laughed a bit when Sanghyuk let out a high pitched squeal in surprise, “Daaaad! You’re a meanie!! Meanieee!!”

“If you don’t want to get it, I’ll get it.” He started to lower Sanghyuk, but Sanghyuk latched onto the shelf, “Gaaaah! I’m getting it! I don’t want to go down!” Once Sanghyuk actually complete the deed, Taekwoon returned Sanghyuk to the ground amid fervent protests.

“Do you want fudge brownies or double fudge brownies?”   

“I want tons of fuuuudgeeeeee! Fudgey fudge foodgeeee!” Taekwoon would never admit this aloud, but he was dangerously close to letting out a Wonshik-when-he’s-talking-about-Jaehwan-level squeal.

“Oh, Taekwoon!” a voice said coming from his right. Taekwoon diverted his attention away from Sanghyuk to the source of the voice. Though, before he could get a word out, Sanghyuk had leapt out in between them.

“Stranger danger!”

Taekwoon flushed with embarrassment when Sanghyuk decided to make a big show of erroneously yelling that phrase, and at Hakyeon to boot. The few people who were in the aisle looked over at them for a brief moment before returning to whatever they were doing when they reached the conclusion that nothing was wrong.

“Ah, no,” Taekwoon tugged Sanghyuk back by his shoulder then gave Hakyeon an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry about that.”

Apparently Hakyeon didn’t mind at all as he was trying to hold back a burst of laughter. He had his own shopping basket hanging off his arm, dressed in a loose burgundy tee and basketball shorts– a far cry from the usual attire Taekwoon saw him in.  So much so that Taekwoon was momentarily transfixed with the unfamiliar laidback tone Hakyeon was carrying.

“It’s all right. It’s a good thing he knows that phrase,” Hakyeon replied casually. “Why do I feel like I’ve seen you so much lately?”

“You just saw me yesterday,” Taekwoon deadpanned, and then tapped Sanghyuk’s head.  

“Hyuk-ah,” Sanghyuk tilted his head back to peer up at Taekwoon, “this uncle is one of Dad’s friends.”

“Oh!” Sanghyuk noted as he registered the new piece of information. “He’s kinda short.”

“Your dad is only two– three– centimeters taller than me,” Hakyeon said seriously, like he was about to write a ten page academic essay on the semantics of height to a five year old.

“You’re still shorter.”

“Sanghyuk, don’t be rude,” Taekwoon sighed, putting his hand over Sanghyuk’s mouth to muffle his protests. “Say you’re sorry.”

Taekwoon removed his hand, revealing a small pout underneath. But, Sanghyuk did as demanded, “Sooorryyyyy uncle...”

“For…?” Taekwoon stared at Sanghyuk expectantly.

“Saying you’re short.”

Hakyeon didn’t even come off as offended but accepted the apology nonetheless, letting Taekwoon have his parenting moment, “Thank you Sanghyuk. So, are you and your dad on an adventure?”

Sanghyuk perked up at the word adventure and feverently nodded his head, “Yeah! We’re gonna make super chocolate brownies and then put ice cream on it!”

“Oooh,” Hakyeon sounded legitimately interested and amused as he spoke to Sanghyuk, his voice rising up an octave. “That sounds super yummy.”

If Taekwoon had to pick one thing about Hakyeon he liked, it would be his ability to click with kids (as made evident with Jaehwan and Sanghyuk). It seemed like Hakyeon enjoyed it too. Hakyeon had crouched down, arms crossed over his knees, so he was at eye level with Sanghyuk so that they could discuss the wonderful existence of brownies and everything sweet tasting. The overall image made Taekwoon smile– it was heartwarming.

“Right, Taekwoon?”

“Huh?” He didn’t think he was that distracted, but apparently Taekwoon failed to register the actual conversation itself.

Hakyeon grinned up at him, “You were definitely the kid who daydreamed in the middle of class.” Taekwoon rolled his eyes even though Hakyeon was hitting the nail on the head.   

“I was just saying how the edge brownies taste the best,” Hakyeon said. Taekwoon scoffed with disbelief. What sort of lies was Hakyeon telling his kid?

“The center tastes much better,” Taekwoon insisted strongly, maybe a bit too seriously if one considered the fact that he was a grown adult. But, he was a baked goods connoisseur first and foremost.

Hakyeon’s face scrunched up in pure disagreement, “You are _so_ wrong.”

Taekwoon covered Sanghyuk’s ears. Sanghyuk looked up at him confused and tried to push Taekwoon’s hands off without much success. “Don’t fill my son’s head with nonsense.”

It was Hakyeon’s turn to scoff. He stood back up, regarding Taekwoon with disbelief, “Are we really going to argue about brownies in the middle of the baking aisle?” Hakyeon was probably trying to be the adult, and Taekwoon respected that, except he really couldn’t let it go.

“It’s not an argument if you’re wrong from the start,” Taekwoon explained, adding a note of finality as he uncovered Sanghyuk’s ears and patted him on the head gently.

“You’re impossible,” though instead of coming off as disparaging, it sounded like an affectionate jab. Taekwoon stuck his tongue out and deposited another box of brownie mix into his basket.   

**

“Can you believe he likes the edge pieces? I can’t believe it,” Taekwoon was running on a ten minute tangent on Wonshik’s sofa, feet kicked up on the coffee table. Wonshik made it known nine minutes ago that he was entirely unimpressed and uninterested. Jaehwan joined Wonshik on the sofa five minutes ago and threw a fit when Wonshik asked what the big deal was because, “A brownie’s a brownie. Does it matter where it comes from?”

To which Jaehwan responded with, “I demand a divorce! I will not have any uncultured heathens in this household.” Wonshik’s shrill, “But this is _my_ apartment!” fell on deaf ears.

He wasn’t sure what kind of brownies Hakyeon had been eating for the past twenty odd years of his life, but Taekwoon was going to fix it tonight. And, from the direction this conversation was going, Jaehwan was going to do the same.

“Uncle Jaehwanie, I love you! You’re the best!” Hongbin ran up and into Jaehwan’s lap, clinging onto his torso when Jaehwan proclaimed an impromptu night of baking. Taekwoon noticed how Wonshik immediately looked put off by Hongbin hogging Jaehwan for himself and made sure to shoot an amused smirk at him. How a person could be jealous of a child was beyond him, but it really said a lot about them.

“I wanna help!” Sanghyuk clambered after Hongbin and stood up on the sofa next to Jaehwan, “I’m really really good at mixing!”

“I expect nothing less from _the_ Jung Sanghyuk,” Jaehwan pulled Sanghyuk down by his waist, being careful to not bump Sanghyuk into Hongbin, and gave him a soft noogie.

“Aaaaarrghhaaaccck guuugguhhhgh!!”

“You’re just like your dad– too sensitive and dramatic for his own good,” Jaehwan noted as Sanghyuk squirmed far too much. Taekwoon faked getting up with his hand in the air, “Yah.”

“Facts are facts,” Wonshik sank himself deeper into the cushioning. “It’s sort of cute...but not as cute as my cute Jaehwanie!”

Taekwoon groaned as Wonshik sent literal heart eyes at Jaehwan, who blew him a hand kiss in return. Much like Hakyeon predicted, Jaehwan and Wonshik got their heads out of their asses the day they ditched him and Hakyeon. Frankly, their group dynamic didn’t change much, save for the nauseating shameless flirting.

“I’m leaving,” he wasn’t sure how much more of it he could handle so it was best to leave before he found his limit. Sanghyuk scrambled off of Jaehwan and jumped onto Taekwoon, slightly displacing Taekwoon.

“Bye Dad! I’m gonna miss you!” Sanghyuk looked up at him with a pouty frown, though Taekwoon knew Sanghyuk would forget about him once he started wrecking havoc with Hongbin.

He picked Sanghyuk up into a hug and kissed his cheek, “I’ll miss you too. Be good for Uncle Jaehwan and Wonshik, okay?”

“Okay!”

“Bye Uncle!” Hongbin said too, waving feverently at him from his spot on Jaehwan’s lap, small dimples and all present.

“Bye Hongbinie,” Taekwoon smiled back as he placed Sanghyuk down, “Don’t be too mean to your Uncle Wonshik.”

“I’ll try,” Hongbin replied sweetly, but it was clear he was planning something.

Wonshik looked over at Hongbin fearfully, and then at Taekwoon with wide eyes. Taekwoon made no motion to indicate he saw the SOS signals Wonshik was putting up.

“Okay, okay! You rascals go wash up! Dinner will be ready soon!” Jaehwan clapped his hands together after he migrated Hongbin off his person, “Shoo!”

“Race you!” Sanghyuk yelled as he started running off, leaving Hongbin momentarily confused before he followed after the younger. “No fair!”

“Don’t run!” Jaehwan shouted, even though he knew it was going to fall on deaf ears. He then deflated against the sofa, “We didn’t even get the chance to have our honeymoon phase. We’re already soccer moms driving mini vans.”

“Welcome to the club,” Taekwoon grabbed his jacket that was hanging off the arm of the sofa and made his way over to the door. “Let me know if anything happens.”

Jaehwan had gotten up and followed him, with Wonshik trailing behind, “Of course fellow soccer mom noona-nim!” He then stood rigidly and saluted at Taekwoon. Taekwoon half turned away, shaking his head at Jaehwan’s usual antics. How Jaehwan could act like a kid when he was in his mid-twenties was a mystery Taekwoon doubted he could solve in this lifetime.

“Make sure you bundle up and have fun on your date honey! Don’t stay out too late!” Jaehwan continued, enjoying his newfound role as a fussy mother. Granted, that wasn’t what Taekwoon was caught on.

“It’s not a date!” Taekwoon hissed violently, sending his foot flying at Jaehwan, who squawked and backed away before he was hit. He was just teaching Hakyeon how to make some recipes, like a private tutor.

“Ergh, please no allusions to Hakyeon-hyung’s love life,” Wonshik complained, poking at Taekwoon’s butt to get him to move. “It’s like thinking about who's been in your mom’s bed. Tell him I said hi though.”

Taekwoon only managed to land a single punch on Wonshik’s chest, “Stop talking.” Wonshik scurried behind Jaehwan, hunching his head over Jaehwan’s shoulder.

“Just follow your heart!” Jaehwan called after him as he made his escape.

**

“Is the owner of a cafe really using box mix?” Hakyeon asked incredulously as Taekwoon slid his finger under the flap of the brownie box mix he was holding. While Hakyeon was cleaning up the dishes from a surprisingly good dinner (surprising because Hakyeon was abysmal at grilling meat that time they were abandoned), Taekwoon was setting all of the ingredients he planned to use onto the white marble countertop of Hakyeon’s decently sized kitchen.

Hakyeon didn’t live very far from Wonshik and his apartment looked much more lived in than the latter’s. Taekwoon appreciated the smaller details of the space he had seen– a stack of books on the coffee table that stood over a very furry rug, the row of plants that lined the windowsill, candles on almost every flat surface, and the three too many throw pillows on the couch. Hakyeon’s bedroom was similar to the living room, except the contents of everything were doubled as far as Taekwoon could tell from the short glimpse he got.

Overall, the apartment felt incredibly cozy and so did Hakyeon, who didn’t make any effort to change out of the large sweater and joggers he wore when answering the door. It even looked like he had been laying around for a few hours, if Hakyeon’s fluffy and mussed up hair was anything to go by. Taekwoon felt a bit overdressed in even ripped jeans and a tee, but there wasn’t much he could do about it.       

“I didn’t think you wanted to make my ten ingredient brownie recipe. Box mix only requires three. And I’m lazy,” Taekwoon explained.

“I think I’ll pass on ten ingredients,” Hakyeon replied apprehensively as he placed the last dish on the drying rack. He turned towards Taekwoon and examined all of the items taking up his counter, “Wow, I really wasn’t expecting you to bring your whole kitchen.”

“My whole kitchen? This is hardly half of it.” No, it was barely a quarter of his own kitchen. He wasn’t sure what Hakyeon had lying around so Taekwoon ended up bringing some of the more essential baking equipment, like a stand mixer (he wasn’t going to carry around his precious KitchenAid), a cooling rack, and baking pans and tins.

From the way Hakyeon was eying him, he didn’t understand what the need for all of these things was, but he moved on, “So what’re we making?”

“Brownies.”

Hakyeon’s face fell flat, eyes squinting in skepticism, “Is this because of last week?”

“You need to know how wrong you are.” Box mix or not, Taekwoon could still prove to Hakyeon that his brownie preferences were terrible.

“But…” Taekwoon met Hakyeon’s scrutinizing gaze, “are we only making brownies?”

Taekwoon dug into his back pocket and took out a folded piece of paper, “I want to try making Japanese cheesecake. It’s a more technical recipe but I take it you’ve had cheesecake when you were in Japan? Also, could you I have some tape?”

Hakyeon hummed affirmatively as he walked a few meters over to a drawer and handed Taekwoon a roll of masking tape, “I didn’t eat it often because of the calories but it was really fluffy.” Taekwoon ripped off a small piece and stuck the the paper to the wall. He ran his hand over it to flatten it and returned the tape, “I’m thinking about adding it to the menu so you’re going to be my guinea pig.”

“I’m looking forward to it… I think…?”

“Do you have any favorite pastries?” Taekwoon continued on, taking out a block of softened cream cheese and a carton of heavy cream. “Drinks aren’t my specialty but I can teach you how to make lattes. Or the spiced chai.”

“Oh,” Hakyeon raised his index finger up slightly, “definitely the spiced chai! And I really enjoy castellas!”

“Castella?” He’s never heard of it, but it sounded like a Western dessert to Taekwoon.

“It’s a Japanese cake. Hold on!” Hakyeon grabbed his phone off the counter and tapped it a few times before coming up with a picture to show Taekwoon. Taekwoon looked over to see a picture taken at a cafe with a rectangular slice of a pale yellow cake, reminiscent of a sponge cake, with a dark brown skin on top positioned at the center of a small white plate. It looked like a simplistic bake, but there was probably more to it.

“We can make it next time once I find a good recipe.” Next time? Taekwoon almost kicked himself– what was he saying? He didn’t have a solid opinion yet on making this a regular occurrence, but he was leaning towards infrequent occurrence in the name of self preservation even though Hakyeon was turning the night into a pleasant one.    

Hakyeon brought his palms together, pleased and excited, “I can’t wait! Even though this is probably a bad idea because you're enabling me to make all of this stuff.”

Taekwoon did a quick survey of all the items on the counter before presenting the brownie mix and a sifter to Hakyeon, “I can't control your self control.”

“You're the one who offered to teach me.”  Hakyeon took the sifter and bag of mix and looked at him threateningly, “Take responsibility!”

“Start sifting,” Taekwoon then pushed a medium sized mixing bowl against Hakyeon’s chest. Hakyeon’s mouth gaped with offense, but he did as he was told. With Hakyeon sifting the mix, Taekwoon measured out the water and oil into the bowl, followed by two eggs.

“After you finish, stir with a spatula. Hey, don’t worry about being tidy; it doesn’t matter if some of the mix doesn’t end up in the bowl and it makes the process go faster.”

“I guess, but– hey!” Taekwoon nudged Hakyeon over a bit, reflexively putting his hand over Hakyeon’s, who briefly froze, on the sifter and dumping the remaining mix from the bag into it. He roughly ran his hand through the sift and hit the side of it against his palm a few times, causing a larger volume of mix to fall through, “See?”

Hakyeon pursed his lips, “Control freak.”

If they weren’t in the kitchen preparing food, Taekwoon would have violently kicked Hakyeon for the comment. He had to settle for glaring instead. Hakyeon rolled his eyes, “Don’t narrow your eyes like that, you’re going to get wrinkles.”

“Just mix,” it may not be his, but Taekwoon doesn’t take sass in the kitchen. Taekwoon released Hakyeon’s hand so he could line a baking pan with parchment paper.

“Bossing me around in my own home,” Hakyeon grumbled as he finished sifting the way Taekwoon had told him to and began combining the contents of the bowl together. As he waited for the brownie mixture to be done, Taekwoon quickly weighed out cake flour and corn flour in one bowl and sugar in another with ease.

“Is this good enough?” When Taekwoon felt something prod his shin, he let out an ‘ow’ and glanced over at Hakyeon, who was holding up the bowl of what looked like well-mixed brownie batter. He relieved Hakyeon of the bowl and gave it a few deep folds to make sure the dry ingredients were fully incorporated.

“You did a good job. Do you want to pour it into the pan?”

“Sure,” Hakyeon took the bowl back and walked around Taekwoon to get to the baking pan. “That was really easy…”

“And that’s why I use box mix when I’m tired. Even you could manage this much, congratulations.”

Taekwoon narrowly dodged a batter-covered spatula aimed at his face.

“Of course I can do something this simple! I don’t need you getting smart with me. I’m not a child.” Hakyeon muttered belligerently with puffed up cheeks as he threw the spatula into the now empty bowl and reached around Taekwoon to drop it into the sink. Taekwoon was surprised at how easily he broke into laughter, the kind of laughter that had him clutching his sides.

“Yah!” Hakyeon growled aggressively, grabbing Taekwoon’s shoulder. “Why do I feel like you’re laughing at me? Quit laughing!”

“You... were pouting like a little kid,” he didn’t even know why he found it so funny, “and acting like one too. How old are you again?” Taekwoon’s cheeks were starting to ache a little, but he still found humor in the way Hakyeon acted. It reminded Taekwoon of when Sanghyuk would get pouty over the weirdest things and would pace around the apartment with his cheeks puffed out, brows pushed together, and arms crossed. He really shouldn’t find pleasure in his son’s little tantrums, but they were endearing in their own way.

“You’re a jerk,” Hakyeon lightly hit the back of Taekwoon’s head, “I was so wrong about you.”

“The only other person I’m teaching to bake is my five year old,” Taekwoon explained. “I can’t help it if I’m used to talking to a little kid.”

Hakyeon puffed up, “Do I look like a little kid to you?”

Taekwoon looked at Hakyeon from head to toe, blinking slowly and responded after a brief pause, “You _are_ shorter than me.” Hakyeon stared up at the ceiling, pupils quivering, and bit down on his bottom lip in definite frustration.

“Anyways, do you know how to separate eggs?” Taekwoon picked up four eggs, waiting for Hakyeon’s answer and ignoring how murder was rolling off of him.

“You’re just lucky you’re holding eggs right now,” Hakyeon mumbled under his breath with promises of payback.

“That doesn’t answer the question,” Taekwoon replied smartly.

“No, I’m terrible at it.”

“I’m going to show you then. This is for the cheesecake,” he placed the eggs back onto the counter, save for one, and cracked it slightly open against the edge of a glass bowl he had taken out. Taekwoon used his thumbs to gently increase the size of the crack, allowing the egg white a limited area to escape through. By the time he split the egg shell into two halves, not much egg white was left clinging to the yolk, which was when he began to swiftly shift the egg yolk back and forth between the shells.

Once he was satisfied, he plopped the yolk into another mixing bowl. Taekwoon presented an egg to Hakyeon, who was blankly staring back at him, “How…?”

“It’s easy,” he insisted, still holding the egg out to Hakyeon.

“Says the one who’s been baking since he was in diapers apparently!”

Taekwoon grabbed Hakyeon’s hand, palm side up, and placed the egg down, “I mess up sometimes too. I’m not perfect.”

Hakyeon moved to stand in front of the bowl, “That really doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“The worst that could happen is me getting another egg out of the carton. Just hit it gently against the rim until you’ve broken through the shell a bit.”

“Like this?”

“Yeah, and then use your thumbs to pull the shell apart a bit. Let the egg white fall through.”

“Ugh, why is this so hard– ack! No, no, no!”

“Not like–just, no, you have to–…hold on….” Taekwoon reached around Hakyeon’s back to hold the egg shells over Hakyeon’s hands. Oral instructions were never his strong suit– he was a hands on learner so the only way he could teach was through a hands on method. Once he stilled Hakyeon’s hands, Taekwoon peered over his shoulder and controlled Hakyeon’s fingers so that the egg was successfully separated.

It wasn’t until after Taekwoon retracted his hands to allow Hakyeon to deposit the separated egg yolk did he realize how incredibly close he was to the other. Close enough to catch the fruity scent of his hair, feel the rise and fall of his chest cavity, and even his body warmth. Yes, he was _definitely_ really close to him.

Acting almost like Hakyeon was fire, Taekwoon jolted away, hoping Hakyeon hadn’t noticed Taekwoon being weird. Maybe he was overreacting– he was just trying to teach an intermediate technique to a novice. There was nothing remotely deep about physical contact– he was thinking too heavily about it. But Jaehwan’s words were ringing in his ears and his brain had decided to point out how this was like a cliché romance drama scene and now he can’t erase the thought.        

“Ugh, I’m never going to be able to make this on my own,” Hakyeon conceded, oblivious to the mental meltdown Taekwoon was experiencing. Taekwoon quickly fanned his face with both of his hands, “If it doesn’t turn out well, you can always order it.”

This wasn’t a date. He didn’t have any romantic inclinations towards Hakyeon. Taekwoon just found Hakyeon’s presence to be akin to the warm lull of summer sunshine. Hakyeon was easygoing and didn’t try to force Taekwoon into a conversation. And, when they did have one, words came to Taekwoon easily.

The next twenty minutes go by similarly with Taekwoon teaching Hakyeon miscellaneous tidbits about baking and a few teasing remarks that rolled off of Taekwoon’s tongue naturally, though he felt the need to constantly check himself. Once the cheesecake batter was done, and the dishes washed, Taekwoon brewed a spiced chai for Hakyeon who watched over his shoulder.

“Why are there so many spices?” Hakyeon gawked.

“Indian cuisine uses a variety of spices,” Taekwoon explained as he strained a serving of the concoction of black tea, condensed milk, and spices into a mug. He passed the mug to Hakyeon, their fingers brushing slightly and Taekwoon almost snapping his hand back as a result, “It’s not spiced chai if you don’t have a combination of spices like this. Or, you can buy bagged tea.”

With utmost seriousness, Hakyeon said, “Maybe I should ask you to come over and make it for me when I want to drink it.”

“I refuse,” Taekwoon moved over to the oven and flicked on the oven light. He dropped himself on the floor so that he was now sitting cross-legged in front of the oven. A few moments later, Hakyeon situated himself next to him, “Why’d you put the cheesecake in that pan of water?”

“The air in the oven is dry and things like cheesecake will form cracks. Adding water moisturizes the air and prevents cracks. It also ensures an even bake. But, if water leaks into the batter, it will ruin it,” Taekwoon replied as he leaned forward a bit to stare at the contents of the oven. The brownie batter was starting to solidify and would probably be done in five minutes; the cheesecake in fifteen.

“Ooh,” Hakyeon breathed out against the rim of his mug before he took another sip. “You know a lot. Did you go to culinary school or something?”

Taekwoon bit back a yawn, shifting his body so that he was leaning back against his hand, “No, I studied management in college.”

“Really?” From his peripheral vision, Taekwoon saw Hakyeon turn to him with surprise. “I don't take you for the type to study business.”

“Are you trying to imply something?” Taekwoon threw Hakyeon a cross between a frown and a pout, “I own a business, in case you forgot.”

“Oh, yeah,” from the looks of it, Hakyeon had briefly forgotten that one fact, “point proven.”

Silence fell between them and since Taekwoon didn’t know what to talk about, he kept his mouth shut. Hakyeon doesn’t try to bring anything up, choosing instead to stare off into space and taking occasional sips of his spiced chai. The silence was relaxing, like he and Hakyeon were quietly resting so that they could rebuild the energy they had expended over the last two hours.

It was probably unsafe and ill-advised, but Taekwoon scooted himself closer to the oven up until he could feel the warm air leaking from the oven. He didn’t do it for any particular reason, however, it was something he had been doing since he was a kid, much to his mother’s distress.

“You know I have a functional sofa, right?” Hakyeon asked, gesturing to the living room. Taekwoon glanced at him, then back at the oven. Hakyeon was facing him with his cheek resting on his knees, which were up against his chest. The way Hakyeon’s cheek was smooshed up against his knee screamed out “pinch me!” to Taekwoon, but he restrained himself.

“I like sitting like this.”

Hakyeon snorted with an undertone of what sounded like mockery, and when he didn’t expand on why he did, Taekwoon shifted his right leg to kick his foot, “What?”

“Nothing~” Hakyeon singsonged, entirely self-amused.

Taekwoon gifted Hakyeon with another kick, “I don’t believe you.”

“You don’t need to look like a kicked puppy,” Hakyeon laughed softly, his eyes forming half crescents. “It’s nothing bad.”

“Yah,” Taekwoon wanted to know. “I’m going to take all of this home with me.”

Hakyeon stopped cold, “Jung Taekwoon. You better not.”

Taekwoon ignored him in favor of laying down on the tiled floor and stretching his body out, his back towards Hakyeon. He groaned a bit as he extended his body and rested the side of his much too warm face against the cool tiles, “I can eat a whole cake in one sitting.”

The “don’t test me” goes unsaid.

“Don’t be like this,” Hakyeon whined, reaching over to shake Taekwoon’s shoulder. “I did half of the work so you better not rob me of this.”

When Taekwoon didn’t react, Hakyeon raised his voice, “Are you listening? You better not be trying to sleep here!” Taekwoon couldn’t help the entertained smirk that was creeping into existence. He doesn’t think he has ever seen a flustered Hakyeon before, but it was becoming something Taekwoon wished to see more often.

“I can see you smiling!” Hakyeon exclaimed with exasperation. Taekwoon heard something, most likely Hakyeon’s mug, being placed onto the countertop before he felt arms wrap around his waist. Instinctively, Taekwoon tried to pry himself free as he was being dragged up, but the angle wasn’t helping.

“Don’t be a brat!”

“I’m not a brat.”

Hakyeon was trying to pick him up, but his thin frame wasn’t helping much, “Fine, I’ll tell you, if you sit up.”

Taekwoon cocked his head back to look up at Hakyeon, weighing his options, “...Okay.” As he adjusted himself so that he was sitting on his butt, Hakyeon unraveled his arms from his waist.

“I just thought you looked like a cat eyeing the last piece of tuna,” Hakyeon confessed, and then said the next part fast enough for Taekwoon to almost miss it, “It was cute.”

He blinked a few times, a physical indication of his mental buffering, and then Taekwoon found himself uncharacteristically stuttering, “H–huh? W–What...How can a guy my age and height be considered c–cute?”

“How should I know?!” Hakyeon shot back unnerved, putting his hands up defensively. “I was only making an observation. You don’t need to overreact!”

“I’m not overreacting,” Taekwoon hissed, ducking his head down and covering his face, “I’m going to forget you said that.”

Hakyeon jabbed his finger at his hair whorl, “Yes, you are. And, a simple thank you would have been nice, at least.” Taekwoon refused to raise his head and just grumbled out a groan– his cheeks were burning way too hot and– cute? How did Hakyeon’s mind even work?

“I think the brownies are done,” Taekwoon lightly shoved Hakyeon away with his forearm as he stood up to retrieve an oven mitt. He wanted to move on from the subject, even if he had to force it down Hakyeon’s throat. After transferring the brownie pan to the stovetop, Hakyeon called out to him, “Taekwoonie.”

“Hm?”

“You’re super adorable,” Hakyeon deadpanned.

Taekwoon was conflicted between smothering Hakyeon with a pillow or smothering himself with one.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally 50% of this is about baking because I happen to really like baking and got carried away ;;;  
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/zeroo_cb)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure if it's just me but this chapter is dialogue heavy and i got tired of looking at it ;;;;

“And then a week later, half of the older women on my floor were asking me to marry their daughters,” Hakyeon shivered, intertwining his fingers around tea he was nursing. He looked picturesque sitting there next to the window in an oversized sweater and exuding a summer warmth Taekwoon often associated with Hakyeon, despite the fact that it was November.

Taekwoon quietly laughed at Hakyeon’s story, an action that he did way too much whenever he was with Hakyeon, “I think that’s your fault for giving them free homemade candles.”

“Look, my mother raised me to treat women properly and shower them with nice things,” Hakyeon blew up at his bangs, causing them to shortly fly off his forehead. “Whatever happens after isn’t my fault.”

Shortly after the first night he had gone to Hakyeon’s house, Taekwoon had learned of a new cafe in the area and was tempted to scope out the competition. Taekwoon didn’t care about things like eating alone so whenever he wanted to spy on new shops, he usually went alone. Sometimes he’d bring Sanghyuk or Jaehwan would tag along when business was slow.

The first time, Taekwoon asked Hakyeon without much thought. The second time, Taekwoon made sure to go on a day Hakyeon was free. Two eventually blended into five, and so on until Taekwoon was asking Hakyeon out to eateries that had nothing to do with baked goods or slow brewed coffee. And after they were done, they would go back to the cafe where Hakyeon would go on to inhale even more food because, “Your stuff tastes the best.”

Today they were at a cafe Hakyeon had heard about from a friend. The interior gravitated toward a dark brown color scheme and made use of small hanging yellow-hued lights to give the space an intimate feel. The round tables were barely large enough for two small plates and two mugs so they sitting fairly close to each other, despite sitting on opposite ends. Their long legs didn’t help, so they had to sit at an angle that placed half of Taekwoon’s body in the way of people walking by.

Since it was around the time when most food businesses didn’t get much traffic, Taekwoon opted to take his time and enjoy the atmosphere. It was Hakyeon’s day off too, so he wasn’t in any rush to get anywhere. Besides, if he could, Taekwoon would bask in this sort of setting for as long as possible.  

“What if you gave a woman a diamond bracelet?” Taekwoon asked conversationally, mostly because he remembered Wonshik, in a half-asleep state, being mere seconds away from buying a 14K white diamond bracelet for Jaehwan a few months ago. It was a good thing he stopped him or else Wonshik would have needed to pick up another job.

Hakyeon made a speculative noise, “I don’t have the money for that, but if I did, I’d only give it to the person I care about the most. Diamond bracelet or not, I think non-tangible things hold more weight. Memories like this!”

“So cliché.” Taekwoon wasn’t going to ask Hakyeon to expand on what he meant. He knew it was dangerous territory.

“I try,” Hakyeon raised his mug and looked at Taekwoon over the rim knowingly. Taekwoon returned the look with a less-than-light foot tap against Hakyeon’s leg.

And later that day, when Taekwoon returned to his own cafe and Hakyeon was gone, Jaehwan slowly slid himself over to where Taekwoon had seated himself. Taekwoon watched Jaehwan with full suspicion as Jaehwan tried to look like he didn’t have some objective in mind, whistling offkey. They had closed the cafe for the day thirty minutes ago so all the chairs were upside down on the tables and the lights were mostly off. With the shortening days, by the time they flipped their sign to ‘closed,’ it was almost dark enough for the streetlights to come on.

Without any actual place to sit, Taekwoon plopped himself on the countertop, letting his legs swing a bit in the diminishing light.

“How’s your new spy partner.” Taekwoon didn’t like Jaehwan’s tone, but that was typically the case.

“What about him?”

“I don’t care that you booted me from my long time position ‘cause you’re looking preeeetty good lately,” Jaehwan grinned, cocking his head to the side. “Care to share?”

Taekwoon lifted his left leg and firmly planted his dirty shoe on the sleeve of Jaehwan’s white shirt, “Share what?”

“Gyack!” Jaehwan leapt away from Taekwoon and frantically wiped his hand over the dirt print left on his shirt. “You know what I mean. With Hakyeon-hyung?”

“What about him?” Taekwoon wished Jaehwan would stop beating around the bush so often.

“You hang out with him a lot whenever he’s free and you go to his place like once a week now,” Jaehwan supplied, sighing when he couldn’t get most of the dirt off his shirt.

Taekwoon’s upper body fidgeted from side to side, “I just go over to make him tea.”

Jaehwan let out half of a laugh, “You’re like a maid. Oh no wait, I’m imagining you in one of those maid dresses. Ha! Oh my gosh, I would pay so much money to see that in real life.”

Taekwoon hopped off the counter, marched over to Jaehwan, and viciously ruffled Jaehwan’s hair, “Don’t think up weird things like that!” Jaehwan squawked in alarm and displeasure, bringing his hands up to grip Taekwoon’s wrists, but couldn’t keep them still.

“At this point, might as well make my place Sanghyuk’s permanent Friday residence,” finally, Jaehwan was able to wrestle his head away from Taekwoon’s clutches and went to tame the flyaways. Taekwoon wiped his hands on his pants to get rid of the hair product that was keeping Jaehwan’s hair in check that clung to his skin.

“I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t be forcing you to take care of Sanghyuk so often,” Taekwoon slid his hands into his pockets and exhaled with self-shame. He hoped Sanghyuk didn’t take it as Taekwoon neglecting him, but Taekwoon hasn’t been very conscious of the amount of time he’s spent away from Sanghyuk lately. He should dedicate the coming weekend to doing something about it.

“Anyways,” Jaehwan transitioned forcibly, “when are you going to make your move?”

Taekwoon paused, “...Move?”

Jaehwan threw his hands up, accompanied by frustrated and guttural sounds, “Your cluelessness stopped being cute when you were twenty. I’m talking about Hakyeon-hyung, you dolt.”

He was taken aback and didn’t make any efforts to hide his astonishment, “Hah?!”

“You don’t need to look so surprised,” Jaehwan said off-puttingly, “I’ve been saying the same thing for weeks...no, months.”

“I– You– No, you haven’t!”

“I– You– Uh,” Jaehwan mimicked in an unrefined manner. Taekwoon attempted to jab at Jaehwan, but Jaehwan sidestepped out Taekwoon’s line of fire. “Do you need to react like a high school virgin? I have literally been putting the words ‘you, Hakyeon, date, like’ since July. And I mean romantic like, by the way.”

“Yah, Lee Jaehwan,” Taekwoon fumed, “stop spouting nonsense.”

Jaehwan put his hand up in a stop motion, “I’m looking at it from an objective standpoint.”

“You open up to him easily,” Jaehwan folded all of his fingers, save for his index finger. He then unfurled his middle finger, “You initiate plans fifty percent of the time.” Jaehwan then continued in a similar fashion for the rest of his points.

“You don’t even try to keep a poker face and don’t look the least bit put off. You’re comfortable with talking about personal things with him. You go to his place whenever he wants tea. You know his favorite treats, his hobbies, and his dislikes. Your smiles are bright and when you find something actually funny, your eyes get all scrunched up when you laugh. Side note, your eyes scrunch up a lot. I see through you, Jung Taekwoon.”

By the point Jaehwan was done listing off his points, he was right in Taekwoon’s face pointing an accusatory finger at him. Taekwoon stared down at the finger cross-eyed, brows frowning.

“That’s hardly a basis for deciding if I like a person,” Taekwoon rolled his eyes, lunging forward to bite Jaehwan’s finger off. Jaehwan yelled in alarm as he quickly retracted his finger. It didn’t help that Jaehwan was hardly ever wrong about his observations, if going by his track record.

Jaehwan huffed a peeved breath, sucking in his lips, “Hyung, you know I’m right and no one’s going to hold it against you. How many times do I need to say that? You’re so insecure.”

The amount of times Jaehwan has uttered the same words to Taekwoon was often enough for him to know what Jaehwan was going to say next. At this point, Taekwoon blocked out half of it as white noise and would repeat the same response he had been saying for the past few months. Taekwoon wasn’t keen on dissecting his feelings, something Jaehwan didn’t share with him. But he was positive on one thing and it was that he only had platonic feelings for Hakyeon.

“I’m going to go pick up Sanghyuk from Wonshik’s. Lock up.” Taekwoon breezed past Jaehwan instead of answering his claims. Jaehwan gawked at him, and punched his back repeatedly, “Hey! Don’t ignore me!”

**

“Now you just let it sit for a few hours,” Hakyeon said as he poured the last of the wax into a small jar and smiled triumphantly to himself. Taekwoon looked at it dubiously– why was making candles so complicated?

Taekwoon decided to vocalize his doubts, “I think I’ll stick to baking.”

“No,” Hakyeon whipped around, clearly not pleased with what was coming out of Taekwoon’s mouth, “you’ll never learn with that attitude.”

“Like when you refuse to learn how to make spiced chai?” Taekwoon reminded, using Hakyeon’s mentality against him. He was aware Hakyeon was using his need for spiced chai as an excuse to get Taekwoon to come over and hang out outside of the cafe. Taekwoon would never admit it out loud, but spending time with Hakyeon was relaxing and freshened up his mood. Hakyeon had the sort of personality that made him a human recharge station. But, that had absolutely nothing to do with Jaehwan’s previous observation about his wellbeing.   

“That’s different,” Hakyeon answered curtly, moving around Taekwoon to head for the living room. Taekwoon followed after him, pushing the sleeves of his cardigan up his forearm as he did so.

“How?” Hakyeon sat down on the sofa and propped his feet up on the coffee table, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. He waved his hand at Taekwoon and patted the empty space next to him. Taekwoon huffed and sat down, throwing a leg over Hakyeon’s lap.

“If I make it, then I won’t be able to taste the love you put into it,” he gave Taekwoon a one-shouldered shrug like it couldn’t be helped. It was the sort of action that would have made Taekwoon groan in exasperation, but Hakyeon’s equally exasperating answer held priority.

Taekwoon lifted his bare foot off Hakyeon’s lap and directed it towards Hakyeon’s face, which scrunched up as Hakyeon placed his hand up as a barrier, “You have the most nauseating answers. How can you say that with a straight face.”

Hakyeon held Taekwoon’s ankle and forced it back down onto his lap. Taekwoon, not expecting the warm touch of skin around the sensitive area, almost kicked Hakyeon, “Don’t grab me like that.”

“Hm? Like what?” Taekwoon jerked his leg with a startle when Hakyeon began to tickle and rub his ankle, fingers dancing lightly across his skin. He tried to yank his foot out of Hakyeon’s hold, but Hakyeon wouldn’t let up, “Hey!”

All the while, Hakyeon loud laughter filled the space between them. Taekwoon doesn’t think he’s ever seen Hakyeon laugh so hard without covering half his face with his hand. “You’re so sensitive.”

“I’m aware, so please stop, ah–” Taekwoon tried to trap the first signs of laughter from coming out by slapping his hand over his mouth, but couldn’t stop the first instances. He threw his head back to rest on the arm of the sofa as he kicked his other foot against Hakyeon, “S–Seriously–!”

“Wow, I think this is the first time I’ve seen you so worked up,” Hakyeon said a bit loud so Taekwoon could hear him over the sound of his own laughter. He persisted, up until Taekwoon had to start banging his fist against Hakyeon’s arm once his sides began to ache with each breathe he tried to take.

“You’re the worst…” Taekwoon muttered, throwing his right arm over his eyes once the assault subsided. In turn, Hakyeon gently ran his hand up and down Taekwoon’s jean-clad leg in apology.

“Don’t you get cold like this?” Hakyeon poked his finger on the spots of skin Taekwoon’s ripped jeans left exposed. He didn’t want to grant Hakyeon a coherent answer so he just grumbled.

Hakyeon took that as his cue to tap his fingers contemplatively against Taekwoon’s calf, sending jitters down Taekwoon’s spine, “What do you want for dinner?”

“Food.”

“I don’t feel like cooking anything,” he heard papers shuffling in the distance and then suddenly, folded pieces of paper were thrown onto Taekwoon’s face and chest. Taekwoon lifted his arm off his face, causing some of the takeout menus to flutter off, “I can cook.” Granted he didn’t have the energy to make anything but the bare minimum, but it was always good to be polite.

“Of course you can...Why’re you so perfect?” Hakyeon mumbled with a pout. Taekwoon shrugged, ignoring the way his stomach jumbled up. He lifted his upper body off the sofa, using his elbow as leverage, “Do you have any instant ramen?”

“We’re not eating instant ramen,” with finality, Hakyeon opened a menu with so much force that the snap of paper was audible.

Taekwoon dropped back onto the sofa, leaving Hakyeon to decide on how to fill their stomachs on his own. He took the opportunity to examine Hakyeon’s living space a bit more closely since he had nothing else better to do. On the television stand there was a line of pictures Taekwoon had noticed during the third time he had come, but he never took the time to look at the photos.

Like a man on a mission, Taekwoon swung his leg off of Hakyeon’s lap and got up. Hakyeon watched him walk over to the photos and sat in front of them. Taekwoon picked up the first one on the left, a standard sized photo, which seemed to be a recent picture of Hakyeon’s family.                        

“Those are my parents, my three older sisters, their husbands, and my nephew,” Hakyeon came up from behind Taekwoon and pointed at each person from over Taekwoon’s shoulder.

“Your nephew is really cute,” Taekwoon noted. He reminded Taekwoon of his own nephew, who he actually hasn’t seen in a while. Taekwoon saw his whole family once at the funeral, but never visited once afterwards. He felt terrible towards his parents and his sisters, but Taekwoon couldn’t deal with the sympathetic looks they showered him in nor the gentle hugs they thought would help him heal.

Taekwoon placed the picture back down and picked up another one that caught his attention, “Were you in high school?” It was a picture of a younger looking Hakyeon holding a trophy with a big grin plastered across his face. Hakyeon hummed, resting his chin on top of Taekwoon’s head and his hands on his shoulders. Taekwoon bit down on his lip– Hakyeon was such a handsy person.

“I won a dance competition. It was very hot,” Hakyeon declared proudly. “Girls wouldn’t stop following me around for a few months. They even waited outside the bathroom!”

“Uh huh,” Taekwoon responded unconvinced, placing the framed picture back. He could see Hakyeon as the popular type, surrounded by juniors and seniors of both genders at school. If he and Hakyeon had gone to the same school, Taekwoon doubted they would have crossed paths. “Did you decide on what to eat?”

“What’s with that dismissiveness?” Taekwoon flinched when Hakyeon pinched his cheek lightly, “It was a big accomplishment!”

“I didn’t say it wasn’t. What’re we eating?”

Hakyeon clicked his tongue, abandoning his post on Taekwoon’s head, “Whatever. I want Thai.”

“I want a chicken pad thai,” Taekwoon cocked his head back to peer up at Hakyeon expectantly. Hakyeon looked back at him with little interest before going back over to the sofa to retrieve his phone to make the call for delivery. Taekwoon directed his attention back to the photos and picked up one that seemed to be from a college graduation.

It was fascinating how snapshots of a person’s life could tell a lot about them, Taekwoon thought as he went made his way down the line of framed photos. There seemed to be a good mix of shots from different points in Hakyeon’s life, from a cheeky child on a bicycle to a grown adult holding flowers with a group of people in costume. Taekwoon used to have photos around his home, but after Nayoung passed, he couldn’t even handle seeing her smile on a small piece of laminated paper.

“Shit,” Taekwoon closed his eyes and massaged them with his thumb and index finger. He hated this ache in his chest, but at least it wasn’t as deep of an ache as it used to be. Whether it was due to time or something else, Taekwoon wasn’t sure, but these sort of moments came infrequently lately. Jaehwan’s words echoed in the back of his mind despite Taekwoon’s wish for them to fall into the darkest void of his memory.

“Dust?”

Taekwoon froze, “Uh, yeah.”

Hakyeon obviously wasn’t buying it, but didn’t try to pry. Instead he sat down on Taekwoon’s left and reached over him for picture of Hakyeon’s high school graduation, “I swear, it feels like it was only yesterday I was graduating from high school. Time is such a weird thing.”

“Yeah, it is,” Taekwoon agreed quietly.

“The food won’t come for another twenty minutes,” Hakyeon placed the picture back, crossing his legs and dropping his hands in his lap.

“Okay,” he needed to shake himself out of this sudden slump he put himself in. He was more than this. He had to be.

“You should teach me how to make the chocolate mousse cake sometime.”

“It’s too complex,” Taekwoon brought his knees up to his chest so he could lay his head on them. “The mousse takes too long to set up without gelatin. Besides, if I taught you, you’d stop buying them at the cafe.”

Hakyeon frowned, “Am I just a walking ATM to you?”

“If you were, I hope it’s just you that’s so talkative.”

“Ugh, and you say I’m the worst. I can’t even tell if you’re joking because you say everything with a straight face.”

Taekwoon made direct eye contact with Hakyeon, “You’re an idiot.”

“Yah!” Hakyeon screeched. “I know you were joking, but still! Don’t do that!”

Taekwoon chuckled as he brushed away his bangs from his eyes, only for them to fall back in the same spot. His bangs were almost at the point that he needed to clip them back and he wasn’t going to use the Hello Kitty clips Changsub got him as a joke. He wasn’t expecting Hakyeon’s fingers to find their way to his hair, pushing back his bangs to expose his forehead. Taekwoon shied away slightly in response, unaware of what was happening, but Hakyeon’s hand followed.

“What?” the sensation of foreign fingers in his hair was unfamiliar to Taekwoon and he didn’t feel all that dissimilar from a dog who was being pet. If people’s hands felt as nice as Hakyeon’s, then Taekwoon could somewhat understand why dogs got so happy when they received a good petting.  

“Huh, you’d look pretty handsome if you put your hair up like this,” Hakyeon said offhandedly, letting the hair fall gracefully back into place. “Your hair is really soft.”

“Um,” Taekwoon blinked, “thanks?”

“Do you want a hair band or clips?” Hakyeon pointed his thumb behind him, probably in the direction the aforementioned items were located. “I can give you some to keep. You push your bangs out of your face a lot.”

It was an action that had become a habit over the years. While there were times he did it because it was in the way, the rest of those times were just because it was one of his many nervous ticks. Taekwoon shook his head, “It’s okay.”

“You do it a lot when you’re flustered. Did you know that?”

“No I don’t.”

“Ah, look, you almost did it.” Taekwoon dropped his hand and turned away.  

“Do you not have anything better to do?”

“Yeah, but you make it obvious,” Hakyeon paused, eyes flickering up to Taekwoon’s, then down at his left hand. Taekwoon withdrew his left hand and tucked it under his right, feeling suddenly subconscious.

“You still wear your ring..”

Taekwoon clenched his fist, retorting defensively, “Is there something wrong with that?” Why was Hakyeon so nosy all of the sudden? Or maybe, he had too much foolhardy courage to ask a question that other people knew to dodge around. Was he going to ask why he’s still wearing a ring when he’s not technically married anymore?

“No–” Hakyeon leaned over with a sense of panic, “nevermind. I was just wondering.” Taekwoon could feel how deeply his eyebrows were creasing under his bangs, could imagine how white his knuckles were. He knew Hakyeon would be the last person to judge his life decisions, but why did he feel so compelled to explain that it wasn’t what it looked like? That he wasn’t still clinging onto that last thread like a madman.

“I’m a masochist.”

“H–Huh?” Hakyeon sputtered out, caught off guard.

Taekwoon slowly flexed out his fingers, running his thumb against the warm metal of his ring, “If I wear it, I’m reminded of Nayoung’s absence every passing moment. If I don’t, being awake becomes unbearable. It doesn’t feel right.”

“I see,” Hakyeon wrapped his fingers around Taekwoon’s arm. “You must have suffered a lot.”

“It’s…” Taekwoon closed his eyes and sighed, gravitating toward Hakyeon but refusing to face him, “Isn’t suffering the proper thing to do?”

Hakyeon seemed to be taken aback, but he held steady and confident. So unlike Taekwoon. “Being in pain is inevitable, but maybe it’s time to stop prolonging it more than it needs to be. Open yourself up to the possibility that you can live a life that doesn’t involve feeling like shit every other minute.”

It always seemed like Hakyeon knew exactly what he wanted to say with conviction, as if this was his God given gift. He wasn’t forcing anything onto Taekwoon like Jaehwan did, but made small pushes here and there. Hakyeon wasn’t outright expecting anything out of him, but yet, he still had these hopes he alluded to. He wasn’t all that dissimilar to the ocean waves that crashed against your knees, gently coaxing you around.

Taekwoon blankly watched his right hand trace along the outline of a small rip in his jeans. It was almost frightening how easily he opened up to Hakyeon, as if he somehow knew Hakyeon would never try to hurt him at his most vulnerable, “I don’t know what a life like that is like or how to even get there.”

“It can be daunting to face that cliff, but maybe,” Hakyeon slid his hand down Taekwoon’s arm to pick up Taekwoon’s left hand, “you already have one foot in?”

Taekwoon followed Hakyeon’s hand and even though he was wearing a sleeved cardigan, could feel goosebumps chasing after the warm affection. Hakyeon cradled his hand, a small tender smile complementing the affection that peeked through his delicately splayed eyelashes.

Oh.

He hated when Jaehwan was right.

**

“Hyung, we’re not adding five billion new things to the menu,” Jaehwan made a show of crumbling up the piece of paper Taekwoon had passed to him. “Hongbin-ah, come here and rip this up for uncle.”

“Okay!” Hongbin said happily from the other side of the cafe.

“No, don’t.” Taekwoon called out to Hongbin and snatched the ball of paper from Jaehwan. “It’s just possible suggestions. Obviously we won’t put all of them.”

Jaehwan regarded him with disbelief, raising his brows up, “Fine. Give me that back and I’ll circle the ones I’m fine with adding.”

Taekwoon extended the paper out to Jaehwan, “You better not crumble it up again.”

Jaehwan scoffed, tugging the paper from Taekwoon’s hold and placed it onto the counter. He took the pen hanging over his ear and started circling items on the paper. Wonshik, who was on the other side of the counter, leaned over the counter to get a better look at the contents of the list, “Oh, babe, circle the Japanese cheesecake. That sounds good.”

“Mmkay,” Jaehwan mumbled, going over to circle the cheesecake. “I’m on the fence about the castella, so I’ll just draw a bunny next to it.”

“What does a bunny have to do with your indecision?” Taekwoon peered over Jaehwan’s shoulder to see what he had marked so far. There were seven circles scrawled around various items, half of which were drink ideas.

“Nothing. I just think they’re cute. But, I’m noticing a lot of Japanese pastries on this list.”

“What about it?” Wonshik and Jaehwan shared a look before they turned their attention on Taekwoon. Taekwoon narrowed his eyes at the pair, waiting for them to spit out what they were thinking.

“Well, we all know a returnee who’s spent a few years in the birthland of anime,” Jaehwan said casually. “Does he have anything to do with half of this list?”

“I heard you use him as your guinea pig for new pastries, especially Japanese ones,” Wonshik added.

“No,” Taekwoon turned on his heels, glancing over at the corner Sanghyuk and Hongbin were occupying themselves for a second before he decided to swerve towards the display shelf. He filled up a plate with different pastries, making sure to mix in some of the healthier options, and brought it over to the kids.

Sanghyuk sneezed and groaned right as Taekwoon approached them. Taekwoon put the plate down on a nearby table and knelt down to wipe the snot off of Sanghyuk’s nose with a napkin from his apron. He held the napkin over Sanghyuk’s nose and told him to blow.

“Gross,” Hongbin made a face of disgust, making a point to back up a few footsteps.

“You’re gross!” Sanghyuk retorted, his voice a bit scratchy. Taekwoon frowned and pressed the back of his hand against Sanghyuk’s forehead. It felt too warm to be normal.

“Jaehwan, can you make some honey lemon water for Sanghyuk?” Taekwoon looked over his shoulder to Jaehwan, who gave him a thumbs up before going to complete the order. He directed his focus back onto Sanghyuk and zipped his hoodie all the way up to Sanghyuk’s chin, much to Sanghyuk’s displeasure.

“Errrg.”

Taekwoon placed his hand on top of Sanghyuk’s head, “Have you not been wearing your scarf?”

Sanghyuk side-eyed Hongbin, who was minding his own business. Taekwoon already had Sanghyuk’s answer in that action. He sighed, bonking Sanghyuk on the head lightly, “Make sure to wear it or else you’ll get sick.”

“Okaaay Dad,” Sanghyuk mumbled, waddling over to the plate to examine what Taekwoon had brought over. Jaehwan had then came over from behind, kicking Taekwoon’s lower back and lowering a warm mug in front of his face. Taekwoon took the mug with two hands and gave Jaehwan a quick thanks.

“I brought some food you and Hongbin can snack on, but you can’t eat any of the cookies,” Taekwoon moved the mug to the table and picked up Sanghyuk so he could plop him in the chair. Sanghyuk expressed his irritation instantly, “What? Noooo!”

Taekwoon slid the mug up to Sanghyuk, “Drink all of it, okay?”

Sanghyuk grumbled, “‘Kay…”

“Hongbin-ah,” Taekwoon motioned Hongbin over, “make sure Sanghyuk doesn’t eat the cookies. You’re the hyung, okay? Look out for your dongsaeng.”

“Alright uncle!” Hongbin said, pumping his fist in what Taekwoon guessed was a “fighting!” gesture.

Taekwoon took out a few napkins and placed them next to Sanghyuk, “Make sure he doesn’t sneeze on anything.”

“Dad, I’m five!” Sanghyuk complained loudly in between slurps, though it sounded painfully hoarse.

“And Hongbin is older than you,” Taekwoon said, ending the discussion. Once they got home, he had to dig through the medicine cabinet for some cold medicine. The last thing he wanted was for Sanghyuk’s condition to spiral into something worse.

After stealing an almond cookie for himself, Taekwoon returned to Jaehwan and Wonshik, opting to stand next to Wonshik. He propped his elbows onto the counter and dropped his face into his palms.

“Did Hyukkie catch a cold?” Wonshik asked, poking at the exposed part of Taekwoon’s face. Taekwoon lifted his head up a bit so his eyes peeked over his fingers, “It sounds like the start of it. Sanghyuk should know better than to sneeze or cough on others though so Hongbin shouldn’t catch anything hopefully.”

“Oh, well, I’m not too worried. Hongbin’s a smart kid. Hope the squirt gets better soon though,” Wonshik

“Thanks. I guess it’s easier to get sick when the temperature starts to drop.” If it got bad enough for Sanghyuk to be unable to attend school, Taekwoon wasn’t sure what he was going to do. He might need to stay at home all day to take care of Sanghyuk and have Jaehwan fend for himself, if it came down to that. Maybe they should hire a part-timer.

“Lots of water, lots of porridge, and lots of blankets,” Jaehwan listed off, “it’s an all-cure.”

“I hated porridge as a kid so I doubt Sanghyuk would enjoy it.”

“You can always pop by the hospital for some medicine,” Wonshik suggested.

Taekwoon looked at him from the corner of his eye, “I don’t want to hear anything from a person who lives off of energy drinks and convenience store food.”

Jaehwan hummed in agreement, “Hyung’s got a point there. You’re on your way to an early grave.”

“I don’t do that anymore!” Wonshik insisted desperately.  

“Hm,” Taekwoon’s eyes flickered over to the paper between them. He dragged it over to himself and orientated it upright, “Do you want to try making these next week? I think they taste fine but it doesn’t hurt to have another set of taste buds.”

“Sure,” Jaehwan shrugged, “but I was looking through your list and I noticed a distinct lack of spiced chai.”

“It’s a pain to make,” Taekwoon answered like it was common sense.

“You say, even though you make a fresh cup for Hakyeon-hyung every week,” Jaehwan waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Taekwoon. Taekwoon almost punched Jaehwan but he had enough self control not to expose children to violence. Instead, his eyes fluttered shut and he sighed deeply.

Wonshik thrusted his hips into Taekwoon’s body, causing Taekwoon to slightly lose his balance, “When’re you going in for the kill?”

“What kill?”

“You’re denseness can be exhausting sometimes, hyung,” Wonshik said flatly.

“Right?!” Jaehwan pointed at Wonshik, glad to have another person on his side.

“What do you two even know,” Taekwoon muttered, hunching over the counter. Instead of friends, it would be more appropriate to consider Jaehwan and Wonshik to be the death of him.

“Really?” Wonshik asked incredulously. “Did you forget Hakyeon-hyung’s my childhood friend? I know things I’d rather not know, like how to write a five paragraph essay on just your face.”

Taekwoon snapped up towards Wonshik, “What?”

“Hakyeon-hyung really likes you and you really like him,” Wonshik put his hands up. “Does that explain it?”

“What?” Hakyeon likes him? There was no way. He was just a really caring friend who liked skinship a bit too much. Even then, it wasn’t feasible... how could someone like Hakyeon like someone like Taekwoon. Hakyeon was cheerful and Taekwoon was gloomy.  

“Hyung, let me explain,” Jaehwan tapped him on the shoulder to grab his attention. “When two people like each other ver–”

“I know that Jaehwan,” Taekwoon hissed, combing his fingers through his hair. “Who said I like him anyways? And I doubt he likes me like that.”

Jaehwan was wholly unconvinced, “If you don’t have feelings for him, then why’re you getting so worked up? If you were uninterested, you would have played it off coolly like the chic guy you are.”

“I’m not worked up,” Taekwoon fanned himself with his hand, trying to cool his face down.

Wonshik gazed at him with amazement, “Woah, your face got red really fast hyung.”

“Wonshik-ah, I’m this close to kicking you out for life.”

**

“Come on Sanghyuk, time to go home,” Taekwoon beckoned Sanghyuk over to the front of the store. Jaehwan was fiddling with some things, so they just had to wait for him to finish. Wonshik had gone home with Hongbin long before the cafe closed, so it was just the three of them now.

Sanghyuk hopped off the chair he was sitting in and tugged on his backpack before he made his way over to Taekwoon. It looked like Sanghyuk was tittering from side to side as he walked, probably because he was too tired.

Taekwoon took out his phone to check his messages. He got a few from Hakyeon, three day old messages from Jaehwan, and other miscellaneous ones. In the message preview under Hakyeon’s name, there was a whole line of emoticons which spurred an eye roll out of Taekwoon.

When he felt Sanghyuk thunk his head against his knee, Taekwoon pocketed the phone and bent down to feel Sanghyuk’s forehead. Sanghyuk moaned as Taekwoon pressed his hand against his forehead. It felt much warmer. Definitely above thirty-nine degrees.

“Dad, I don’t feel good,” Sanghyuk mumbled incoherently.

“Okay, I’ll give you some medicine when we go home. We just need to wait for Uncle Jaehwan,” Taekwoon offered Sanghyuk a soft smile. “Let me take your scarf out of your bag.”

Sanghyuk slowly turned around to allow Taekwoon access to his bag. Just as he was about to pull the scarf out of Sanghyuk started to fall over. Taekwoon quickly used his other arm to catch Sanghyuk before he face planted into the ground.

“Hyukkie, is something wrong?” Taekwoon asked, but Sanghyuk didn’t say anything nor did he move against Taekwoon’s arm. He was already alert due to how unwell Sanghyuk seemed a few hours ago, but now Taekwoon’s brain was going into overdrive.

Taekwoon picked Sanghyuk up into his arms and rocked his arms a bit to see if it would rouse Sanghyuk, “Hey, Hyukkie. Hey!” No, no, no, this couldn’t be happening. Everything was suddenly crashing down around him.

“Jaehwan!” Taekwoon shouted for Jaehwan almost five times before he bursted out of the kitchen in a frenzy, eyes wide as he faced Taekwoon. He took in Taekwoon’s state, then looked down at Sanghyuk cradled in his arms, breathing too rapidly to be considered normal.

“I– What do I–” Taekwoon couldn’t form anything cohesive. He just needed his body to move, to do anything, and soon.

Jaehwan slid himself over the counter and ran for the front door, “I’ll bring my car around. Put a cold towel on Hyukkie’s forehead.”

Taekwoon nodded dumbly at Jaehwan before Jaehwan sprinted out the door, “Y–Yeah.” While still holding Sanghyuk, Taekwoon ran into the kitchen to find a clean towel. Putting Sanghyuk down may have made it easier for Taekwoon to put together a cold towel, but he couldn’t bear to let go of Sanghyuk.

“Everything’s going to be okay,” he softly kissed Sanghyuk’s cheek. He needed to keep his composure, but this was too similar to the first time Nayoung collapsed. Taekwoon can’t lose Sanghyuk. He can’t. Imagining even the possibility of it was impossible.

Once he fixed the towel under Sanghyuk’s bangs, Taekwoon ran out of the store to find Jaehwan idling. Properly locking up the building was the furthest thing from Taekwoon’s mind as he quickly got himself and Sanghyuk into the car.

“Jaehwan,” it came out so haggard and desperate. Taekwoon could barely keep tears of distress at bay as he held Sanghyuk close to him, “Oh, god.” He should have known there was something terribly wrong with Sanghyuk instead of playing it off as a cold. What kind of parent was he?

“Hyung, you, you need to calm down,” Jaehwan said unconvincingly as he sped through lanes of traffic. His voice came out shaky and his shoulders looked uncomfortably stiff, “We’re less than five minutes from the hospital, okay? You need to just, hang in there, okay?”

Jaehwan quickly looked over his shoulder at him, “Okay?”

“Ye...yeah…” Taekwoon carded his fingers through Sanghyuk’s hair. His cheeks were flushed and his mouth was parted slightly as his breath in and out at an unnatural rate. Taekwoon may scarcely attend church, but all he could do in that moment was pray and hope that they were answered.

**

“You know I’m not afraid to use bodily force to get food down your throat,” Jaehwan pointed at him with his plastic fork as he chewed. “I even got you one of those small specialty ice cream cups. It’s peanut butter chocolate fudge.”

Taekwoon stared blankly at the takeout container sitting on his lap. Jaehwan had gone back to the cafe to lock up and picked up food on his way back once they heard the diagnosis from the doctor. Moderate, borderline severe, influenza. Even though they lived in the modern age of medicine, the flu could still kill people… is what Taekwoon’s brain chose to supply ever so helpfully.

Jaehwan called Wonshik to let him know and to caution him to be on the lookout for possible symptoms from Hongbin, though Wonshik said Hongbin had his flu shot but he’d still keep an eye out. If Hongbin got sick, Taekwoon would feel even more terribly about himself and wouldn’t know what to say to Taemin if it was a bad case of the illness.

Sanghyuk’s case wasn’t severe enough for him to be placed in intensive care, but they were going to keep him until his fever broke. Taekwoon couldn’t handle hospitals, but he needed to stay by Sanghyuk’s side. He couldn’t leave him here alone.

“Not hungry,” Taekwoon mumbled, placing the container onto a small table next to his chair and adjusted his body so that he could hold rest one of his legs on the small chair. There were a few chairs outside of the room, which was where he and Jaehwan were passing the time. Waiting emphasized how helpless Taekwoon was. It was like being trapped in a never ending limbo of twists and turns, never knowing what the outcome will be. He was compelled to stay because otherwise, it would be like abandoning the person on the opposite side of the wall.

“If you don’t eat something, you’re going to be lying on a hospital bed in no time,” Jaehwan reached over for the container Taekwoon had put off to the side and pushed it against Taekwoon’s cheek. “Come on, you know better. Starving isn’t going to help anyone.”

Taekwoon knew that... has had that repeated to him for three months straight several months ago. It didn’t get any easier then, and it felt even more difficult now. Jaehwan sighed, putting down his own food in favor of uncovering Taekwoon’s food. He stabbed a piece of grilled chicken breast and pressed it against Taekwoon’s lips, “Eat.”

Jaehwan nudged it around intentionally to annoy Taekwoon into eating it, which he did. Taekwoon swallowed the bite and took the fork and food out of Jaehwan’s possession, “I can feed myself.”

He ate his way through half of the contents in silence, his thoughts swimming around. Thoughts were probably the most dangerous thing to Taekwoon’s well being but there was no way to stop them besides sleeping. Taekwoon placed his unfinished dinner on the table and hunched over his knees, his palms digging into his eyes.

“What am I going to do…” Taekwoon closed his eyes tight and confessed under his breath, “I’m so scared. Jaehwan... ”

Jaehwan started to rub small circles into Taekwoon’s back at a slow pace, “He’s going to be fine, hyung. The doctor said it should be over in a few days.”

“What if something happens? What am I supposed to do?” his throat felt tight as he swallowed thickly.

“Have some faith in Sanghyuk. He’s a strong and stubborn kid, just like his worrywart dad,” Jaehwan moved his hand from Taekwoon’s back to his knee, holding it tightly.

Taekwoon ran his hands through his bangs and then dropped them, “I know, but I just, I don’t think I can…if...you know…”

“Yes, yes, I know. But it’s not going to happen. Here,” Jaehwan tugged Taekwoon’s head towards his shoulder and let Taekwoon bury his face. Taekwoon could feel damp fabric pressing against his eyes, unaware of the reason until Jaehwan said, “You’re such an ugly crier. I’m such a good person for shielding the world from the ugliness of your face.”

**

Taekwoon wasn’t aware he had fallen asleep until his shoulder was being shaken. He groaned a bit, his eyelids felt like they were stuck together. There was an ache in his neck from the way he was sleeping, but that was what he got for sleeping in a chair.

“Taekwoon,” that didn’t sound like Jaehwan. Taekwoon cracked one eye open to see who had woken him, but it took a few seconds for the blurriness to go away. Once his eyesight was back to normal, he frowned his eyebrows in confusion.

“Before you hit me, I asked Hakyeon if he could take you home because you need to sleep in an actual bed,” Taekwoon tilted his head a bit to the right to see Jaehwan standing next to Hakyeon. Jaehwan’s hair was all over the place, but Taekwoon doubted his own appearance was any better.

Taekwoon slowly righted himself in the chair, rubbing at his eyes, “What time is it? Did the doctor say anything else?”

“It’s a quarter past eleven and no updates,” Jaehwan supplied. Taekwoon moved his attention over to Hakyeon, who was wearing a long peacock jacket with a t-shirt peeking out from underneath and track pants. It really wasn’t necessary for Jaehwan to pull Hakyeon out of bed at this hour and he made sure to voice his opinion.

“Jaehwan, I’m capable of going home myself. Not that I would. You should be the one going home,” Taekwoon closed his eyes and exhaled. It would take him a few minutes before the grogginess subsided.

“Nope, come on, get up,” Jaehwan grabbed both of his wrists and tugged him off the chair. It was slightly shameful how easily Jaehwan could wrestle him onto his feet. Jaehwan pushed his index finger onto Taekwoon’s forehead, “I know you can’t stay in hospitals for that long without driving yourself crazy so go home hyung. It’s for your own good.”

Taekwoon glared at Jaehwan, “You can’t make me leave.”

Jaehwan threw his hands up, “Hyung, don’t be a brat. Look, Wonshik’s going to keep me company for the night and you know I’ll be sure to call you if something happens.”

Taekwoon didn’t like how they were practically reliving the days and nights they would spend at the hospital when Nayoung was bedridden for weeks. They were just going through the motions and it was like they had it down to an art. The worst type of art, to be exact.  

And, much like how they had it down to an art, Taekwoon already knew Jaehwan wouldn’t budge on the matter of Taekwoon getting a decent night’s sleep. He would only be wasting his breath. He took his jacket with vexation, taking one last glance at Sanghyuk through the window, “I’ll be back soon Hyukkie.”

“I’m driving over at seven,” Taekwoon told Jaehwan, who exhaled helplessly. He shook his head, but didn’t object.

“I’m sorry for dragging you into this,” Taekwoon turned to Hakyeon, who was startled into reality.

“It’s okay. I live near here. Should we get going now then?” Hakyeon pivoted on his heels toward the exit, but he was still looking at Taekwoon.

“Um,” Taekwoon looked at Sanghyuk one last time and then went over to Hakyeon, “yeah.” He waved goodbye to Jaehwan and followed Hakyeon out of the hospital. When they stepped out, Taekwoon pulled on his jacket. He almost forgot how cold it got at night in November. The air was biting into his exposed skin and Hakyeon was speed walking to his car to escape the cold night air. Though, it would be more accurate to say it was a funny little trot.

The lights of an old gray Kia Forte flickered to life as they neared. Taekwoon caught his reflection in the window before he pulled open the passenger door. It looked like his hair had ten too many run-ins with his hands and his eyes were definitely bloodshot. He opened the door, causing the reflection to disappear, and dropped himself on the seat. He rested his head back against the side the small area of seat that jutted away from the headrest.

“Do you want some water? Or eyedrops?” Hakyeon asked as he slid into the driver’s seat.

“Hm?” Taekwoon tilted his head a bit toward Hakyeon.

Hakyeon jumped and went to start the ignition, “Sorry, your eyes are sort of red. Jaehwan told me what happened... Sanghyuk’s a strong kid, like his dad. He’ll get better soon.”

Taekwoon self consciously turned away so that Hakyeon couldn’t see how worn out he looked, “I’m okay. And, thanks. I’m sorry Jaehwan made you get up.”

“Oh, it’s no problem. I was actually reading a book before Jaehwan called,” Hakyeon laughed awkwardly as he played with the heat settings. “What’s your address, by the way?”

Once Hakyeon typed in the address into his phone’s GPS, he plugged his phone into an aux cord and pulled out of the lot. A song came on as soon as Hakyeon plugged in the cord and Taekwoon was surprised to hear a laugh come out of his lips.

“What?” Hakyeon asked defensively. “Is there something wrong with my music?”

“Sistar’s Touch My Body? Really? I wouldn’t be surprised if you knew the whole choreography.” It was amazing how Hakyeon could do so little but still manage to put Taekwoon at ease.

“The choreo isn’t that hard... “ Hakyeon trailed off. Taekwoon hmmed and picked up Hakyeon’s phone from the cupholder he had thrown it into. It was unlocked so Taekwoon decided to tap on the music app. He just needed to get his mind off of certain thoughts.

“You have a lot of Girl’s Generation songs...”

When they were at a stoplight, Hakyeon snatched his phone from Taekwoon, “Their songs are catchy. I went to one of their concerts in Japan. Seohyun was really pretty in person.”

“So you’re a fanboy and your bias is Seohyun,” Taekwoon concluded. He didn’t try to steal the phone back, instead choosing to riffle through Hakyeon’s belongings.

Hakyeon belatedly noticed his mistake and if he wasn’t driving, Taekwoon was sure Hakyeon would have keeled over into a fetal position, “Oh god, me and my big mouth.”

Taekwoon spent the rest of the car ride making subtle teasing remarks aimed at Hakyeon that when they finally reached Taekwoon’s apartment, Taekwoon was suddenly reminded of his somber situation.

“Do you,” Taekwoon started out, his hand clammy against the door handle, “want to come up or anything?”

“Sure,” Hakyeon replied without missing a beat, “I’m already parked in a spot anyways. I don’t think I’ve ever seen your home before.”

Taekwoon tightened his grip on the handle, “There’s not much to see.”

By the time they made their way up to Taekwoon’s apartment, Taekwoon was silently glad there was another person with him or else he may not have been able to keep his emotions in check. The apartment felt unnaturally empty and devoid of life. He heard Hakyeon toe off his shoes and give a small, “Sorry for the intrusion.”

His fingers found the light switch and he flipped the one for the kitchen. The light flickered to life and he went to open one of the cabinets for a plain teal mug, “Do you want water or tea?”

“Water please,” Hakyeon answered, seating himself at the dinner table. “I get wired if I have even the smallest bit of caffeine this late.”

“Okay…” Taekwoon poured some water for Hakyeon and brought it over to him. “Feel free to look around if you want. I’m going to go splash some water on my face.”

“Mmkay,” Hakyeon said against the rim of the mug, “I always wondered what the kitchen of a cafe owner looked like.”

Taekwoon smiled a bit at the comment, “It’s nothing special.”

He left the kitchen, leaving Hakyeon to his own devices, to head for the bathroom. A good cold water splash will do wonders for his face. The bathroom was at the end of the hall so Taekwoon had to pass by the bedrooms. He paused at his bedroom, and then turned to look into Sanghyuk’s. Sanghyuk, who was sick in the hospital.

Taekwoon leaned his hand against the doorframe and then brought his head over it. Sanghyuk was going to be fine. He was going to be fine. It was still possible to hear Sanghyuk’s contagious laughter at bedtime when Sanghyuk insisted on Taekwoon telling him a bedtime story that they would make up along the way. It wouldn’t be long before Taekwoon could chase after Sanghyuk in the apartment. Sanghyuk wasn’t going anywhere.

“Taekwoonie, are you feeling okay?” Taekwoon almost jumped when Hakyeon tapped him. He lifted his head and nodded, “Yeah, I’m– yeah. Sorry you had to see that.”

“You’re not though,” Hakyeon, with an almost feather-like touch, wiped his thumb across Taekwoon’s cheek. Taekwoon blinked, once again unaware he was crying.          

Hakyeon was watching him with worried-filled eyes and Taekwoon could only stare dumbly in return. He opened his mouth, but couldn’t say anything.

“Should I– Do you...want me to stay with you?” Hakyeon asked suddenly, startling even himself.

Taekwoon breathed in deeply through his nose and exhaled out of his mouth. He took in the scattered toys, the miscellaneous papers, and books littered throughout the room. But, Taekwoon’s brain couldn’t help but think about those accursed what-ifs and those potential futures where he would have to pick up those toys and store them away for good.

“I don’t think I can stay here,” Taekwoon declared, spinning around so that he wasn’t looking into the room anymore. “I’ll just shower here and find a hotel.”

“You can stay at my place,” Hakyeon said quickly. “I don’t live that far from the hospital and you wouldn’t need to pay. I can even take you in the morning and I’m used to getting up early. I really don’t mind.”

Taekwoon frowned, “I don’t want to take advantage of you like that.”

“Well, what if I’m letting you take advantage of me? Oh geez, that sounds so wrong,” Hakyeon cringed, but didn’t retract the statement.

To spend a night in a lonely hotel room or be in the company of a person he had come to care about? Looking at it from an objective standpoint, it should be a no-brainer. Taekwoon could stand to be selfish for at least one night...right?

“Fine,” Taekwoon went into his own bedroom, flipping the lights on.

Hakyeon grabbed Taekwoon’s hand, “I seriously insis– Wait, what?”

Taekwoon turned to look at Hakyeon, then down at his hand, “I said I’ll go.”

“I was expecting you to fight against me more,” Hakyeon let go of his hand with a sheepish smile.

“Yeah, well,” Taekwoon took off his ring and placed it on the nightstand, “I did too.”

Once Taekwoon was able to shower, he filled a duffel bag with some clothes and trailed after Hakyeon. His hair was still wet and going out into the cold spurred a few sneezes out of him. He was sniffling a bit so Hakyeon made sure to turn the heat up in the car higher. The car ride was mostly silent and when they got to Hakyeon’s apartment, Hakyeon immediately went into his bedroom.   

“You can take my bed,” Hakyeon said as he started to move a blanket and various pillows out of his room and into the living room.

“No, I can take the sofa,” Taekwoon tried to wrestle the pillows out of Hakyeon’s arms, but Hakyeon held firm.

“Jaehwan would probably murder me if I let you do that,” Hakyeon shoved Taekwoon into his bedroom. “Wow, you’re really easy to push around.”

“You don’t need to tell me that,” Taekwoon bit out bitterly, reorienting himself and following after Hakyeon.

“I don’t like being a terrible host so you’ll have to indulge me on this one,” Hakyeon dropped the stuff onto the sofa and then turned around to fix Taekwoon a stern look. “It’s already past midnight.”

“I don’t want to put you out…Yah! Put me down!” the last thing Taekwoon was expecting was for Hakyeon to actually pick him up. Hakyeon strolled back towards the direction of his room with his arms wrapped around Taekwoon’s waist.

Taekwoon’s complaints went unheard as he was dropped onto the bed. He sighed, ducking his head, “Fine, you win. I’m going to sleep now.”

He lifted up the solid gray comforter to tuck his legs under and brought it over his body. Taekwoon rolled away from Hakyeon, burying his face into the pillow. He wasn’t sure what else he was expecting but everything smelled strongly of Hakyeon. It was a hint of lavender mixed with something herbal. Maybe rosemary?

“Huh, that was easy,” Hakyeon said to himself, walking around the bed to pick a book off of the nightstand and turn off the lamp. “If you need anything, I’m right outside.”

“Hakyeon,” Taekwoon peered over the covers to see Hakyeon stop halfway out the door.

“Hm?”

“Can you stay for a bit,” Taekwoon said into the cover, poking his left hand out palm side up.

Hakyeon went over to the bedside and sat down to place his hand in Taekwoon’s, “Sure.”

“Sorry.”

“Be as selfish as you want.”

“I feel like,” Taekwoon shut his eyes, “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“You’re going to look back on this and see how strong you were,” Hakyeon said softly.

“I hope so…” Taekwoon enjoyed the small, soothing circles Hakyeon was rubbing into the back of his hand with his thumb.

“Taekwoon.”

“Hm?”

“Where’s your ring?” Taekwoon lifted their conjoined hands to see and true enough, it wasn’t there.

He must’ve left it on the nightstand before he showered at home. He doesn’t wear the ring to bed and he usually showered before bed. He must’ve forgotten to put it back on afterwards. But, strangely enough, he didn’t notice the loss of weight on his finger as he left.

“I forgot it at home.” Taekwoon tightened his fingers around Hakyeon’s, “But, I think I’ll be fine.”

For once, Taekwoon knew he meant it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feel free to hmu on [twitter](http://twitter.com/zeroo_cb).  
>  Thanks for reading! :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all, if you read this chapter before july 27th, i've rewritten most of it. the same stuff essentially happens in terms of overall plot points/development, but i've added and removed a few scenes. it's also a shorter read lol

Waking up in a bed that wasn’t his own was dissociating. Waking up without the invisible weights on his body for the first time in a long time was liberating. Waking up to another person, sleeping a hair’s breadth away wasn’t something Taekwoon thought he would experience so soon. He had told Hakyeon to sleep on the other side of the bed, given how it could hold two grown men comfortably. Hakyeon was equally as tired as Taekwoon so he gave in. Taekwoon rolled over, now facing Hakyeon’s sleeping form. 

Wisps of air traveled through Hakyeon’s lips and his body rose and fell at a slow, rhythmic rate as he slept on his side. He looked delicate like this, one hand under his pillow and the other lying flat on the bed in front of his chest. The early morning sun filtered through the thin curtains of the singular window in Hakyeon’s room and Taekwoon found himself with the desire to feather his thumb over the curve of Hakyeon’s cheekbone.

No, he shouldn’t. 

But, even so…his heart ached. 

Taekwoon flipped himself onto his other side and retrieved his phone from the night stand. He clicked the home button and squinted due to the sudden bright light. It was a bit before seven and Jaehwan had sent him a few texts over the course of the night. Taekwoon snapped himself into a sitting position, his finger flew to unlock his phone and open the messenger app.  

_ j.hwanie _ : hyukkie’s doing well~ (*⌒∇⌒*)

_ j.hwanie _ : he woke up around 4 and was looking for you

_ j.hwanie _ : but at least he had me, his cutie uncle d=(´▽｀)=b

_ j.hwanie _ : and then he went back to sleep

_ j.hwanie _ : doctors checked his vitals and said he’s improved but will still need two or three more days to be in the clear, then a few more days for it to be over

_ j.hwanie _ : hyukkie’s a strong, just like his dad o((*^▽^*))o

Taekwoon clutched his phone with both hands and lowered his forehead to press against the edge of his phone. He let out a shuddered breath of relief. Sanghyuk was going to be okay. He was going to be fine and Taekwoon needed to keep on telling himself that.  

“Is everything okay?” A hand came to rest on his lower back and Taekwoon turned his head to see concern swim in Hakyeon’s groggy eyes. His hair had gained volume and everything about Hakyeon was strikingly natural, a far cry from his usual kempt style. 

“Yeah,” Taekwoon assured, putting down his phone in his lap, “he woke up in the middle of the night and the doctors said he should be in the clear in two days. I’m sorry if I woke you.”

Hakyeon let out a yawn as he stretched his arms up, pulling the fabric of his t-shirt up and exposing the skin of his hips, “That’s great! And no, don’t worry, you didn’t.”

He then scratched the back of his head, ruffling up his bed-mussed hair even more, “Do you want breakfast? I can make you lunch too, for later.”

Taekwoon swung his legs out from under the covers, bringing his feet down to meet cold hardwood flooring, “I don’t want to burden you anymore than I already have. I can take care of myself.” That brief moment when he wished to feel Hakyeon’s skin under his fingertips had quickly passed, replaced by the urge to see Sanghyuk as quickly as possible.

“I’d take your word for it, but I don’t have faith you’ll remember to eat so at least have some breakfast,” Hakyeon threw the comforter off his body and got up, walking over to Taekwoon’s side of the bed. He poked Taekwoon in between the ribs, “Got it? None of us need to worry about you too.”

Taekwoon blinked up at him. While Jaehwan nagged him, Hakyeon fussed over him. He wasn’t used to having this much attention paid to him by anybody that wasn’t his mother nor Jaehwan, “Okay.”

Hakyeon let Taekwoon take the bathroom first so he could throw together a quick breakfast. By the time Taekwoon had changed into his clothes for the day, Hakyeon had come out of the bathroom without any traces of fatigue and sat Taekwoon down at the dining table. 

A fresh bowl of rice was pushed in front of him and Taekwoon thought this was the first moment of peace he’s truly had in a long time. The world was starting to rouse from stillness, breathing came easier, and his shoulders felt light as he scooped food into his mouth. A pair of chopsticks drop kimchi in his bowl and Taekwoon glanced up at Hakyeon, who watched him silently with a faint smile.

**

It was hard, though Taekwoon never had any expectations that it would be easy. Fear was an emotion he fell to so easily, only assuaged when he saw a conscious Sanghyuk. It was all Taekwoon really needed, tears prickling at the corner of his eyes and his flat resting face caving in as he sped over to Sanghyuk’s bedside with long strides, throwing his arms around his kid (being careful of the IV taped to Sanghyuk’s hand) without care for the doctor, nurses, or his friends in the room. 

Wonshik took Jaehwan home for the day to sleep and Hakyeon left for work, leaving Taekwoon and Sanghyuk alone. The lack of energy Sanghyuk had was a constant reminder of his illness and more than once had Taekwoon wished he could switch places with Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk didn’t deserve to go through the flu with his small body that looked so fragile. 

Taekwoon did his best to keep Sanghyuk entertained, pushing away his displeasure of hospitals, until after lunchtime when Sanghyuk fell asleep mid-sentence. He brushed his left hand through Sanghyuk’s bangs as Sanghyuk breathed as slowly as a sleeping person would. The clinical beeps of the heart monitor and low volume of the television hanging from the ceiling were the only sounds filling the room and the negative associations he had with hospitals occupied his thoughts.

Anxiety, hopelessness, denial, and sorrow. Given Sanghyuk’s positive response to treatment, Taekwoon had no reason to feel those sorts of emotions in this situation. Nevertheless, remnants from a past situation were fueling his inability to sit still. His ring finger, empty of his well worn ring, was evidence of that past situation that turned his family of three into one of two.  

Hakyeon would probably beat him over the head with a lesson plan if he had said that out loud, Taekwoon mused, claiming he, Jaehwan, and Wonshik were also a part of Taekwoon’s family. After months of knowing Hakyeon, Taekwoon couldn't imagine going a day without the cheerful man skipping through the front door of his cafe. Hakyeon had become a welcomed presence in his life, as much as Jaehwan and Wonshik were.

At times, Hakyeon was so insistent on reminding Taekwoon that he wasn’t alone and didn’t have to bottle everything up. Jaehwan usually left him alone until it was starting to visibly affect him, but Hakyeon kept on repeating those same words like he thought Taekwoon wouldn’t be able to commit it to memory unless he did so. Taekwoon wasn’t sure what he did to warrant Hakyeon entering his life.

Hakyeon, who had such a big heart and who looked so ethereal under the morning sun that was casted over his skin.

Taekwoon clutched his hands together in his lap. He hoped Nayoung would forgive him for waking up to a sunlit face that wasn’t hers, for his desperate wish for normalcy. And Taekwoon knew she would, having known her almost a decade. 

It didn’t stop the guilt though.            

**

When he finally went back to his empty home with an ache in his lower back, Taekwoon immediately went to shower. He couldn’t stand the sterile stench that stuck to his clothes and skin, yet he was antsy to go back to the hospital. And as soon as he looked into the mounted window in his small bathroom, he firmly decided to avoid his reflection for the time being. He may have slept a little too well in Hakyeon’s bed, but the marks of exhaustion had marked Taekwoon’s face.

Taekwoon couldn’t muster much motivation into doing anything for the rest of the night, settling on whatever was left in his fridge and turning in early for the night. It felt like he had gone back in time to the late spring weeks when doing basic tasks felt difficult to accomplish. But, things were different this time around... this was only a temporary lapse. A lapse he had good reason for falling back into.

He didn’t have much of an appetite, but Hakyeon’s voice nagged at him from the back of his head to eat more even if he didn’t feel like it. Sanghyuk would probably yell at him too, although in his own cute, childish way.

Not too long after he cleaned the dishes from his basic dinner, Taekwoon went into his room, spotting the wedding band he had forgotten the previous night. He walked over to his bed, clicking on his bedside lamp and deposited his phone on the nightstand before climbing into bed, sitting up against a pillow he had propped up against the wall. Taekwoon picked up the ring between his right thumb and index finger, twisting it around in his fingers, examining it and the small engraving on the inside.

_ K.N.Y. _

Without preamble, Taekwoon slipped the ring onto his left ring finger, the familiar cold of metal biting into his skin. However, he only made it two-thirds of the way before Taekwoon felt his stomach drop. 

He couldn’t put it on.

Taekwoon’s brows pressed together as he stared at the ring in confusion. He didn’t have any trouble physically putting the ring on, but it didn’t feel natural. Going a day without wearing his ring couldn’t possibly have this sort of effect on him. In spite of this, the familiar weight of the ring didn’t sit well with Taekwoon. His fingers trembled as he removed the ring. 

His mother was the superstitious type and Taekwoon and his sisters had grown up with their mother telling them not to whistle at night or to not leave grains of rice in their bowls. Some of that superstition had spread to Taekwoon and he didn’t want to read into the reason why he couldn’t put on an object that held deep meaning for Taekwoon. All he allowed himself to conclude was that it meant something and he didn’t agree with that something.   

After chewing on his bottom lip for a few seconds, coupled with staring at the ring like it would yield the answers Taekwoon seeked, he placed it back on the nightstand. He wanted to know why he couldn’t put on the small piece of jewelry, but he also didn’t want to dig any deeper into the meaning. 

Just as he was retracting his hand, his phone screen blinked to life with a chime. Taekwoon’s hand stilled when he saw it was a message from Hakyeon, the first few words of his message visible in the preview.

Taekwoon gently lifted his phone and swiped open the message.

_ I’m sorry I didn’t have a chance to contact you all day, it was busy at work (´-﹏-`；). _

Another message came when Taekwoon was halfway through the first message.

_ Is Sanghyuk doing better? And, did you make sure to eat today? _

Taekwoon’s thumb was poised over the keyboard to send a reply, but then it moved to Hakyeon’s contact information and then his phone was ringing on speaker.

“Ah,” Taekwoon belatedly realized he had called Hakyeon and tried to hang up before Hakyeon picked up the phone, but...  __

“Yes, Taekwoonie?” came Hakyeon’s voice from the speakers.

He should apologize for suddenly calling and end the call– Hakyeon could’ve been in the middle of something after all. The selfish part of him, though, wanted to hear Hakyeon’s voice with its soothing flow that loosened the knots in Taekwoon’s joints. 

“I shouldn’t have called you without warning, I’m sorry,” Taekwoon replied. “I wasn’t thinking properly.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay,” Hakyeon quickly assured. “I just got home and was just sitting around when I texted you. Some of the teachers invited me out to a dinner party and I couldn’t refuse, being the new person.”

“That sounds really difficult.”

“Hey!” Hakyeon fumed at Taekwoon’s mock concern and Taekwoon let out a small laugh, bringing his knees up to his chest. “You know what I mean! Enough about me– what about you? You didn’t answer my texts since you decided to call me instead.”

Taekwoon rested his chin on his knees, digging his cold toes into his comforter, “Hyukkie’s improved enough that the doctor will move him to another room tomorrow. He looked better, but he was still weak and tired.”

“I’m glad he’s getting better,” he could hear the relief in Hakyeon’s tone. “Kids are amazing like that. He’ll bounce back before you know it. I know some good herbal drinks you could make to help strengthen Sanghyuk’s body when he gets out of the hospital too. They should be fine for a child at Sanghyuk’s age to have, but I can check for you.”

“Thank you,” Taekwoon blinked. “You don’t need to go so far for Sanghyuk, I wouldn’t mind. I know how busy you can be so your concern is honestly more than enough for both of us.”

Hakyeon didn’t need to go so far to involve himself so deeply into Taekwoon’s family issues. Taekwoon had nothing against it, but he felt bad for giving Hakyeon additional worries on top of his own. Hakyeon always seemed to be there for him and Taekwoon was always at a loss when it came to repaying Hakyeon’s kindness.

“It’s seriously no trouble at all,” Hakyeon insisted. “Sanghyuk is important to me too.”

There was no reason for Hakyeon to feel that way, for another person’s kid. Hakyeon had only met Sanghyuk twice, although one of those times Sanghyuk had been asleep. Taekwoon’s mouth moved to voice his curiosity before he could stop himself.

“Why?”

“Huh?” Taekwoon panicked at the confusion coming through his speakers.

“I don’t mean this negatively, but you just...care a lot more than I expected…” Taekwoon trailed off. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to go the extra length.”

“Well,” Hakyeon started off, unaffected by Taekwoon’s disbelief, “Sanghyuk is important to you and you’re important to me.”

Hakyeon had said it like it was a given.

Taekwoon wasn’t sure how long he had gone quiet, choosing to fiddle his free fingers in his comforter, but Hakyeon had started to speak again to fill the silence, “You never answered how you were doing.”

“I’m alright,” Taekwoon answered slowly, still turning Hakyeon’s previous words over in his head. Hakyeon was a caring person to begin with so having Hakyeon tell Taekwoon he was important was probably due in part to his personality. Even then, it had nothing to do with the short burst of happiness Taekwoon felt from hearing those words in Hakyeon’s voice. And even that had nothing to do with Taekwoon’s wish for Hakyeon to physically be sitting next to him. 

**

It was day three of Sanghyuk’s hospital stay and they had moved him into another room, one suited for resting and recovering. The worst of it had come and gone, but Taekwoon was still uptight with inherent anxiety and concern, fretting over every small detail. Taekwoon guessed he was being obvious when Sanghyuk, and his inability to hide his emotions, whined with annoyance for Taekwoon to stop fussing.

“I’m just worried about you, Hyukkie,” Taekwoon sighed, his (still) strangely empty left hand falling away from Sanghyuk. He didn’t expect Sanghyuk to understand– it was a parent thing Taekwoon hadn’t understood until he became one himself. 

“When can I go home?” Sanghyuk asked, ignoring Taekwoon’s explanation. “Am I going to be here forever like Mom?”

Taekwoon opened his mouth to say reply, but nothing came to him. He shut it and gave Sanghyuk a small, shaky smile instead. Sanghyuk had used to ask when Nayoung was going to come home from the hospital and Taekwoon had always said soon. It may have been evasive, but he had been truthful...save for one time. 

Between this time and last time, there were no parallels. Nobody was going to die.

“Soon– it’s only for two more days and then you can eat all the yummy food you want.”

Two more days and then maybe Taekwoon would be able to sleep more than a few fitful hours at night. The morning he woke up at Hakyeon’s would probably be the only time that week Taekwoon would have woken up well rested. 

“I’m bored though,” Sanghyuk pouted.

Taekwoon laughed with slight amusement, “I’ll bring you a coloring book and some comics tomorrow, okay?” 

“Oh!” Sanghyuk perked up brightly, “I want the one with the dinosaurs in it!”

“Of course,” it filled Taekwoon with happiness to see Sanghyuk regaining his usual energy. “Do you want to watch some Pororo?”   

They make it through a number of episodes and two hours in Sanghyuk begrudgingly ate his hospital-distributed food. Sanghyuk ended up falling asleep halfway through an episode of Pororo trying to rescue his friend Eddy from a tree so Taekwoon tucked his phone away and pulled the blanket over Sanghyuk. Taekwoon wished there was some way he could protect Sanghyuk from everything the world had to offer or that the world was as simplistic as a children’s cartoon.

Taekwoon closed his eyes, leaning back into the plastic chair with its cheap cushioning. Arms crossed, he could feel the hours of sleep that had escaped him coming for him. He couldn’t fall asleep right there and then though– he needed to keep an eye on Sanghyuk in case something happened and he couldn’t do that half-asleep. 

The one thing he hadn’t been expecting on his quick excursion to the nearest coffee vending machine was encountering a full-handed Hakyeon dressed like he had come from work, “Taekwoonie!”

“Hakyeon…?” Taekwoon questioned skeptically, a curious brow raised.

“One vanilla latte and a peanut butter sandwich with vanilla cream cheese,” Hakyeon presented to Taekwoon a paper coffee cup in one hand and a rolled up brown paper bag in the other. 

“I didn’t know you knew I liked vanilla lattes,” Taekwoon commented lamely, briefly preoccupied with that small fact rather than Hakyeon’s unexpected appearance in general. “Wait– what’re you doing here?”

“You always order lattes whenever we go out somewhere and its always vanilla. It wasn’t hard to figure out,” Hakyeon pointed out with a smile, passing the latte and paper bag into Taekwoon’s possession. 

Hakyeon was right, but Taekwoon didn’t think Hakyeon was paying that much attention to something as insignificant as what he ordered at coffee shops and cafes. He also hadn’t expected Hakyeon to give him a sandwich either, having already planned on eating whatever food was in the hospital cafeteria.

“And I only had half a day of work today so I figured I’d stop by with something for your stomach?”

“So you only care for my stomach,” Taekwoon quickly took a gulp of the latte, more for the caffeine and less with the intent of savouring it. It tasted nice, at the very least. 

Hakyeon rolled his eyes, but he grinned afterwards, “If I only cared about your stomach then I wouldn’t have bothered asking Wonshik what your favorite foods are. I wouldn’t have taken you for having such kiddy tastes though.”

If it hadn’t been for the little stab at the end, Taekwoon would’ve showed some physical form of appreciation at how thoughtful Hakyeon was being. Instead, he immediately sought to defend himself, “It’s not childish. Peanut butter sandwiches are easy to make and have protein.”

“But it’s not something you can live off of,” Hakyeon eyed him playfully. “Don’t worry, I think it’s cute.”

“You think everything’s cute,” Taekwoon grumbled weakly against the lid of his latte. He was only feigning annoyance. He had gotten used to it, at some point... Hakyeon making those sorts of comments toward him. Though it was debatable if he really had gotten used to it given how Taekwoon felt weirdly pleased with increasing frequency whenever Hakyeon said something along those lines. 

Hakyeon’s observant nature, though, was something Taekwoon would still need getting used to, “Is that your ring you’re wearing.” Hakyeon pointed at the juncture between his own collarbones, highlighting the area where Taekwoon’s ring was hanging. Jaehwan had noticed it too, although silently through pointed glances and facial expressions that formed a coherent thought for Taekwoon to easily decipher.

Taekwoon had tried putting his wedding ring on again in the morning, but only gained a wave of nausea as he tried to put it on. Uncomfortable with just leaving it starved of warmth, Taekwoon had found a simple silver necklace he used to wear in one of the drawers and looped it through the ring.

“Yeah.”

“It suits you,” Hakyeon commented with a warm acceptance.

Taekwoon paused, mostly because he wasn’t expecting Hakyeon to say such a thing. Maybe ask a question or two, but not paying out compliments. 

“Thank you.”

Hakyeon’s face went soft and gentle, the area under his eyes puffing up, “You’re welcome.” 

**

Life returned to normal...or at least some semblance of normal after Sanghyuk was discharged. It was probably due to Sanghyuk’s health crisis that Taekwoon found himself on high alert in regards to everything. More often than not, he would needlessly fret over Sanghyuk, making sure he was healthy and well to an overbearing level. Life at the cafe also mimicked a close reality to normal. He and Jaehwan operated as usual, though Jaehwan always asked about how Sanghyuk was doing and gifted him a knitted beanie.

Hakyeon still visited the cafe on his free days and the amount of times Taekwoon’s brain froze with every accidental and intentional touch increased exponentially. And, Jaehwan’s words from weeks prior incessantly echo at him every night before bed–  _ love works in mysterious ways... sometimes, it just happens. _

Life went back to normal, except Taekwoon was a mess for all the wrong reasons.  

“Hyung, we’re going to that restaurant for your birthday. Don’t forget, okay?” Jaehwan mentioned lowly, like he was reminding Taekwoon of a doctor’s appointment, as he straightened out the éclairs on display and waved goodbye to some customers.

Taekwoon’s hand paused in the middle of pulling out a paper cup from the stack next to the espresso machines for an order, “Birthday?”

“Did you forget?” Jaehwan came up next to him, placing the empty tray he was holding above the machines and holding out his hand expectantly for the cup. “Gimme. I do it faster.”

Taekwoon relinquished the cup, “Cafè latte and I didn’t forget. You better not turn this into a big event.”

“You probably wouldn’t have realized your birthday had passed until January,” Jaehwan snorted as he prepared the drink. “Don’t worry though, I’m a kind soul. It’s going to be a small gathering. Me, Wonshik, Hongbin….Hakyeon…”

Jaehwan said Hakyeon’s name quietly, eyes darting away as he did.

“Why did you say his name like that?” Taekwoon asked sternly. “You’re plotting something.”

Jaehwan gasped, not too dissimilar to a wealthy, middle-aged woman who refused to marry off her precious son to a commoner, “Me? Plotting? Why, I would never!”

Taekwoon wasn’t convinced and watched Jaehwan with suspicion as he gave the young woman waiting at the counter her drink with a customary smile and an unnecessary wink. The woman was surprised and her cheeks flushed before she practically ran out the door. Jaehwan loved riling people up and Taekwoon was his favorite target. 

“I just think,” Jaehwan was trying too hard to look like he was a saint incapable of mischief, “you need to work out your emotions properly. You’ll thank me later.” Jaehwan threw him a finger heart before going to take an incoming customer’s order.

** 

“Happy birthday!” Hakyeon greeted cheerfully, waving with an equal amount of vigor, arriving with a small silver gift bag and dressed casually. He sat down across from Taekwoon, who was seated at the edge of the table, and next to Wonshik. Taekwoon thought he looked great and then he mentally slapped himself.  

“Thank you,” Taekwoon replied.

“Hey hyung,” Wonshik raised his hand in greeting.

“Ah!” Sanghyuk shouted from his booster seat on Taekwoon’s right. “It’s cool uncle!”

“It’s Mr. Hakyeon!” Hongbin, who was sitting next to Sanghyuk, added. “Uncle Wonshik, how do you know so many cool people when you’re so lame?”

Hakyeon laughed as he gave Taekwoon the gift bag and took off his jacket, “Hi Sanghyuk, hello Hongbin. I don’t think your Uncle Wonshik is  _ that _ lame.”

“Wow, thanks hyung,” Wonshik mumbled, adjusting the beanie he was wearing. “I didn’t know you knew Hakyeon though, Hongbin.”

“Yep I do! Sometimes he comes to my class and teaches us stuff,” Hongbin explained happily.

“Oooh, Dad!” Sanghyuk tugged on Taekwoon’s sleeve, “Why didn’t you tell me Uncle Hakyeon is a teacher? Does that mean Uncle Hakyeon is super awesome because Mr. Chanyeol is super awesome.”

Taekwoon looked up at Hakyeon, who was smiling sheepishly at the praise, the fact that it was coming from children irrelevant, “Yeah, it does.”

“Uwaah!” Sanghyuk’s eyes twinkled as he regarded Hakyeon in a new light. Hongbin then lightly tapped Sanghyuk’s shoulder, pulling Sanghyuk’s attention away from Hakyeon so he could tell stories about the times Hakyeon had taught in his classroom. Taekwoon laughed softly as the two kids delved deeply into discussion. He then remembered the gift bag he was holding and stuck his hand inside it, ruffling through the tissue paper until he touched something.

Taekwoon pulled out the item, which turned out to be a white, cylinder candle in a clear glass container. He popped off the metal lid and took a whiff of the scent.

“It’s lavender,” Hakyeon said helpfully. “The scent is calming, soothing, and can help you sleep better at night. It should be a subtle scent when you light it.”

“I didn’t know lavender did all of that,” Taekwoon turned the candle in his hand after he put the lid back on. He doesn’t think he’s had a sleepless night in a while, but he was probably due for another one soon. “This is really thoughtful. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome! I know you have a lot of things on your mind so I wanted to help you out in some way.”

Wonshik deflated, “Way to make me feel inadequate, hyung.”

“Hm?” Hakyeon raised his brow at Wonshik, “What’d you get Taekwoonie?”

“Earrings…” Wonshik said pitifully.

“Well, if Taekwoon likes it, does it really matter?” Hakyeon swung his arm Wonshik’s neck and tugged him closer, “Right, Taekwoon?”

“I  _ do _ like them. I’ll make sure to wear them well, Wonshik-ah.”   

“Anywho, where’s Jaehwan?” Hakyeon peered at the empty seat on Wonshik’s left, then at the two adults for an answer.

Jaehwan was the one to organize this gathering but he was the last one to arrive. Taekwoon shook his head, tucking the candle back into the bag and placing it by his feet, “Late.”

“Not late, actually!” The three of them turn their heads to see Jaehwan maneuvering himself around the table and into the empty seat, slightly out of breath. Once Jaehwan wrestled his coat off his body and smoothed his hair down, Wonshik escaped Hakyeon’s hold so he could smack a kiss on his cheek and wrap his arm around his waist, his mood instantly improved.

“Hi babe,” Wonshik said gleefully.

“Hi right back,” Jaehwan giggled. “Oh, and happy birthday hyung. Again.”

“Thanks...” Taekwoon replied unenthusiastically.

When their waitress stopped by their table to take their order, Jaehwan went out of his way to order an actual feast. As much as Taekwoon liked to dote on those younger than him, he wasn’t going to pay for his own birthday dinner and allowed Jaehwan to do what he wanted. Conversation flowed between the four of them like they had all been close friends for years and the kids spurred on fits of laughter in all of the adults (and table hitting for Jaehwan).

Taekwoon did his best to stay cheerful– it was suppose to be a happy occasion and it wouldn’t be appropriate for him to feel pulled down by the weight of what his birthday used to mean to him. When he caught himself slipping, he’d dig his fingers into his thigh as if it would will away the trickling sadness that threatened to take hold.

Sometimes, Taekwoon would look up from his internal battle and catch Hakyeon gazing at him with a hint of serenity. Taekwoon felt better and worse all at once.  

Other than that, everything was great and they were at one of his favorite restaurants so he couldn’t complain. That was until five, maybe six, wait staff piled around their table. The one at the forefront placed a round, candle-lit, white frosted cake that read  _ Happy Birthday Daeguni  _ _ ♡  _ in front of Taekwoon.

Taekwoon was having trouble grasping what exactly was happening, eyes darting from the cake to the waitstaff to Jaehwan’s shitty grin as literally everybody around him started singing. He felt dumbfounded and he probably looked it too as the song finished up and Sanghyuk commanded him to blow out the candles.

If he didn’t have any self control, Taekwoon might’ve shed a tear right then and there. 

Taekwoon directed his attention toward the dancing flames, feeling the heat radiating off the wisps on his face. It was inevitable for Taekwoon to face Hakyeon as he went to blow out the candles and the way Hakyeon was smiling at him caused Taekwoon’s own lips to curve at the edges, if at least to return the gesture.

His birthdays would never be the same without Nayoung. Taekwoon knew everything would be different and months prior he never would have expected to find blissful joy streaming through his veins ever again nor find himself caught up in something as simplistic as a smile.

**

Late autumn weather wasn’t typically cold enough for Taekwoon to actively complain about, but he wished he had brought a heat pack when Hakyeon plucked him from work. Jaehwan ushered him out the door since they weren’t going to be seeing large influxes of customers until later in the day. Taekwoon replaced his apron for a jacket and beanie and followed Hakyeon out, not even having half the mind to ask where Hakyeon was taking him.

“I want to buy a cookbook and you’re going to help me pick one out,” Hakyeon told him a few seconds into their walk toward the shopping area.

“You could’ve just bought one from an online store,” Taekwoon huffed without any heat.

“True,” Hakyeon agreed, “but there’s a charm to visiting bookstores, especially old ones.”

“I suppose,” Taekwoon dug his hands deeper into his jacket pockets, shivering a bit at the sudden cold breeze rushing over his exposed face. He sniffed, hoping to stop his nose from leaking. Frankly, he was more worried about Hakyeon who Taekwoon thought was too skinny at times and wasn’t wearing all that many layers at the moment.

Hakyeon’s shoulders were hunched, most likely from the temperature, so Taekwoon took off the knitted cap he was wearing and stretched it over Hakyeon’s head. Hakyeon stopped when Taekwoon did this, allowing Taekwoon to easily pull the cap over Hakyeon’s ears without struggle. Hakyeon blinked at him, then tried to look up at the hat.

“You looked cold,” Taekwoon shrugged, answering Hakyeon’s silent question.

“I’m not that cold,” Hakyeon insisted, attempting to take off the beanie until Taekwoon planted his hands over Hakyeon’s. Taekwoon belatedly realized their hands were touching, soft skin under his palms, and dropped his hands. How did it feel, again, to hold somebody else’s hands?

He felt terrible for wondering, but it did nothing to stop his curiosity for the rest of the day.

Hakyeon kept it on, accepting Taekwoon’s kind gesture and started to walk again, “It sort of smells like lavender. Have you been lighting the candle I gave you?”

Taekwoon nodded, “For a few days. It really helped me sleep better.”

The scent wasn’t a magical fix, but it helped Taekwoon feel at ease enough to find sleep easier to come by. It wasn’t overpowering, just as Hakyeon mentioned when he gave it to him. While Hakyeon didn’t explicitly say it, Taekwoon knew that Hakyeon must’ve made the candle himself and was at first wary of burning away Hakyeon’s hard work. When he finally got around to lighting the wick, the scent reminded Taekwoon of Hakyeon and the night Taekwoon fell asleep in a bed that wasn’t his own.

“That’s good,” Hakyeon smiled to himself. “I think I like you too much because now I worry about you all the time.”

Taekwoon stilled, eyes widening.

“I–I mean,” Hakyeon didn’t notice Taekwoon had stopped until a few footsteps later and had turned toward Taekwoon with a panicked expression, “I didn’t mean it in a bad thing. It just means I care about you.” 

Taekwoon wasn’t offended or anything; he had just been caught off guard, hearing Hakyeon say he liked Taekwoon. Hakyeon probably hadn’t meant it with any romantic implications but it was Taekwoon’s brain that had added the connotation.

“No, I know you didn’t mean it in a negative way. I–” Taekwoon responded, feeling his frustration teeming under his skin. He had no idea what he wanted to say, however he knew he couldn’t let his jumbled feelings tumble off his tongue, “Actually, forget it. Let’s just go to the bookstore where it’s warmer.”

Even with the way Taekwoon was thinking, didn’t Hakyeon know what he was saying and how it was affecting Taekwoon? As much as Taekwoon liked to think Hakyeon was some sort of mind reader, he probably didn’t. If only Taekwoon could speak his mind and tell the other about the internal battle that was roaring in his head. Hakyeon was so good at helping Taekwoon figure out his own life.

There was so much he liked about Hakyeon and Taekwoon truly enjoyed his company. Whether they were sharing a night together in Hakyeon’s apartment or talking about how they should go see the stars sometime in a place away from the city, it never really mattered what they were doing. Hakyeon accepted Taekwoon for the way he was– awkward silences, obtuse behavior, and the rest of Taekwoon’s flaws.  

**

“The flowers are really pretty,” Hakyeon commented, referring to the dozen light red, not quite pink, carnations Jaehwan brought to the cafe in the morning and placed in a vase to put on display. Carnations weren’t the sort of plant Taekwoon would have on display during autumn, but they were pretty enough for Taekwoon not to mind.

“You have Jaehwan to thank for them,” Taekwoon said, mindlessly drying a mug with a towel.

“I think it’s a nice touch of life– late autumn can be dreary.”

Taekwoon looked between Hakyeon and the flowers for a second, then stared back down at what his hands were doing. At the rate he was mentally comparing Hakyeon to literally  _ everything _ , Taekwoon would be reminded of Hakyeon no matter where he turned.

Hakyeon had left Taekwoon to the line of mugs he had to dry, moving to sit at his usual spot with a book in one hand and a specially-made spiced chai in the other. It was the sort of image that Taekwoon wouldn’t be surprised to find in a magazine filled to the brim with models. Hakyeon was the sort of man to have people flocking toward him, yet he chose to spend his free time sitting in solitude at a small cafe for (mostly) Taekwoon’s eyes only. 

He might not have a coherent hold on his thoughts, but Taekwoon knew one thing for certain– he liked Hakyeon. He liked him so much that his heart twisted in confusion.

Taekwoon had no idea when his admiration skidded out of control and he hated how Jaehwan knew him better than he knew himself. He had loved Nayoung with all his heart and now his heart was making way for Hakyeon. It felt too soon, but the last eight months felt like a lifetime. Maybe Jaehwan was right in that Taekwoon deserved happiness. 

When he finished drying all of the mugs he had to dry, he put them back in their designated place and headed toward Hakyeon, plucking a carnation from the vase just before.

“Here.”

Hakyeon lowered his book and eyed the flower bewildered, “Um…”

Taekwoon sucked in his lips and turned his head, “Jaehwan won’t miss a flower.”

“It’s beautiful. Thank you,” Hakyeon thanked, tenderly lifting the flower out of Taekwoon’s fingers. He raised it up to his nose to give it a small sniff, closing his eyes as he did so. “It smells like summer.”

_ That’s what you remind me of _ , Taekwoon thought as Hakyeon studied the flower, running a finger over the petals. His feelings for Hakyeon weren’t like a blaze of heat, rather, they were like a flower– a blooming love that grew bolder and bolder as it took in more and more. It was the type of love that remained steady and didn’t dissolve after the initial burst.  

“I’m going to go,” Taekwoon weakly gestured toward the counter.

“Okay,” Hakyeon smiled up at him humoredly. “I’ll be here in case you want to give me more flowers.”

Taekwoon was starting to learn how difficult it was to love two people at once.      

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no post ah hah ah a

Being in love with a widower wasn’t exactly what Hakyeon had planned for himself.

When Hakyeon first met Taekwoon that night at the club, he saw a lonely man. A man with _something_ running shallowly under his skin– visible even if you were half-heartedly looking for it. Wonshik, an old friend, had pointed out Taekwoon as a friend and said nothing more than, “Could you keep him company for me, please? A lap dance, or whatever you do. You’re good at those.”

And Wonshik had looked so sincere in his request that Hakyeon obliged, albeit with a scorning smack on Wonshik’s arm for the comment about lap dances (there would be _absolutely_ no lap dances on unsuspecting strangers). Hakyeon could tell Taekwoon was a thinks-before-he-acts type of person, a _married_ person who had probably been forced against his will to tackle a night of alcohol-laced air.

They made some small talk and that was that...at least, until Taekwoon was taking his order the next day at one of the cafes he liked to frequent in his free time. As it turned out, Taekwoon was much more intertwined in Hakyeon’s life than he realized.

Taekwoon, a husband who had a cute kid. A person who Hakyeon was starting to become fond of– a _married_ person Hakyeon continuously reminded himself. With every interaction, Hakyeon felt like he was slowly seeing the person Taekwoon actually was from underneath all of that _something_ and it made Hakyeon want to keep on coming back with the hope of one day seeing the Taekwoon that Wonshik knew.

It was just that Hakyeon seemed to lack any self control when it came to his emotions, as if they operated above the realm of morality. When Taekwoon told him about how his wife had actually passed away a few months prior, there had been a small part of him that felt _relief_ , that he wasn’t pining over a person who was lawfully wedded. Hakyeon wished he had known sooner though, as if having the knowledge would’ve curbed his feelings for Taekwoon during a time when all  Taekwoon probably needed was space.

“You never asked,” Wonshik shrugged plainly.

“Well I never really had a chance to ask him about her,” Hakyeon shot back.

“You’ve known him for four months. You just didn’t want to ask.”

The only thing worse than harboring feelings for a person in a relationship was fawning over a person who recently had to watch their other half slowly die from a terminal illness. Hakyeon was horrible and in the end it did nothing to dampen his affection for Taekwoon. He needed time for himself, to at least mull over it, but then Jaehwan had called him and begged Hakyeon to go find Taekwoon at an address Jaehwan quickly sent after the call ended.

It was only natural for him to hold Taekwoon, to hold him until the worst of it passed, as Taekwoon openly cried before him. Everything after that only felt right to Hakyeon– the fun baking lessons, talking with an energetic (and positively adorable) Sanghyuk, the genuine laughter that left Taekwoon’s lips with increasing frequency, the occasional outings Taekwoon would drag him on, taking care of Taekwoon when he was at his lowest point in months.

Hakyeon didn’t know he was falling down the rabbit hole until he was too deep to pull himself out.

**

“So you didn’t tell him?” Wonshik raised his brow and Hakyeon was tired of being on the other end of that judgmental quirk. “What was the point of going to the bookstore together if you weren’t going to tell him?”

“I sort of told him,” Hakyeon corrected, staring into a glass of water with uncertainty. Him and his big mouth…and then there was the whole other matter of Taekwoon’s reaction. He had accidentally blurted out to Taekwoon that he liked him and Taekwoon had froze up. Hakyeon would’ve played it off as the platonic sort of like, but Taekwoon didn’t ask for Hakyeon to elaborate. He wasn’t sure if it was dumb luck, or a sign, that Hakyeon had been able to get away with the slip up.

“Trust me hyung, Taekwoon-hyung feels the same way about you,” Wonshik went back to fiddling with some square-shaped contraption with square buttons that was connected to his laptop.

“That doesn’t really explain the way he acts whenever I touch him, accidental or not. He acts like a deer caught in headlights.” There were a few times that Hakyeon had laid it on thick and still Taekwoon couldn’t catch the hint. If anything, he had no reaction or an unfavorable one.

“He hasn’t pushed you away though,” Wonshik noted. “Taekwoon-hyung can sometimes be hard to read, but trust me, you would know if he disliked you.”

“Ugh,” Hakyeon wailed, throwing his hands over his face, “I shouldn’t chase after him. There are better people out there.” Honestly, Hakyeon would be fine with just being Taekwoon’s friend. He didn’t need anything more and didn’t expect anything in return from Taekwoon. He was only being egged on by Wonshik and Jaehwan, more than he cared to admit.

“Maybe.”

Hakyeon hit the side of his hand against Wonshik’s neck lightly, “Hey!”

Wonshik yelped in shock, “What? You’ve been asking the same question for weeks and I’m getting tired of giving you the same answer. I’m just saying you can’t know those things for sure. You just have to put yourself out there and see what happens.”

“Oh,” Hakyeon rolled his eyes, “like you’re one to talk.”

“Which one of us is in a happy relationship no– ow ow ow! Okay, I’m sorry!” Hakyeon pinched Wonshik’s arm nonchalantly, twisting the skin a bit for added effect.

“Everything is easier said than done.” If anything, he was scared of pressuring Taekwoon into something he may not want.

**

“Is Taekwoon not here today?” he asked Jaehwan as the younger started filling a mug with hot cocoa. When Hakyeon first moved back into the city and started going to this cafe, it had only been Jaehwan at the front. That was, until the night he first met Taekwoon and suddenly there was another person at the counter taking his order. Hakyeon had grown accustomed to hearing carefully threaded questions directed at him and the easy to miss smiles that came with his order instead of Jaehwan’s rambunctious flare. However, those missable smiles eventually turned into ones directed solely at him.

“No, he took the day off,” Jaehwan answered neutrally.

It was rare for Taekwoon to be away from something he loved, unless something serious had happened.

“Is he sick?” He should message Taekwoon later, maybe bring him some food and make sure he was taking proper care of himself. He couldn’t imagine Taekwoon picking Sanghyuk from school if he had been too ill to attend to the cafe either. Jaehwan seemed busy enough working the whole cafe by himself and Hakyeon wouldn’t mind doing them a favor or two.

“No, he’s fine,” Jaehwan snapped a lid onto the cup and placed it onto the counter for Hakyeon to retrieve. “You might have a hard time getting in touch with him for the next few days though.”

That was...unusual, “Did he go somewhere?”

It wasn’t really any of Hakyeon’s business what Taekwoon did or where he happened to be, but Hakyeon was also a bit too invested in him to hold himself back.

Jaehwan’s shoulders drooped and he exhaled somberly, a sight that was also unusual to Hakyeon, “Today is Nayoung’s birthday.”

It was all Jaehwan needed to say and Hakyeon instantly understood why Jaehwan had said Taekwoon would be un-contactable. Hakyeon liked to think he knew Taekwoon fairly well, until he was reminded that he really didn’t. He hadn’t known today was the day Taekwoon would be most reminded of Nayoung.

“Oh, but I know where he went. You don’t need to worry about it this time,” Jaehwan quickly assured, assuming Hakyeon was thinking about the last time Taekwoon dropped off the face of the planet for a day. “Taekwoon-hyung wouldn’t do anything stupid and he brought Sanghyuk with him.”

Hakyeon frowned, the educator in him shaking his head. But, the circumstances were, well... “He let Sanghyuk skip school today?”

“It’s not something hyung would make a habit out of,” Jaehwan replied.

“I know…”

A beat and then Jaehwan’s expression went soft, “Why haven’t you told hyung how you feel yet?”

Hakyeon grimaced– first Wonshik and now Jaehwan. Those two must have some sort of telepathy, “I don’t think Taekwoon needs me telling him how I feel about him when he’s still grieving, let alone right now.”

“Timing _is_ important, but I think you’re good for Taekwoon-hyung,” Jaehwan stated. “If you weren’t around, I think it would’ve taken hyung a lot longer to start smiling again.”

Hakyeon laughed awkwardly. He wasn’t that great. “I doubt I had much to do with it.”

“I’m really grateful to you,” Jaehwan said. “All I ever wanted was for Taekwoon-hyung to look less like the living dead and go back to being the dopey hyung I grew up with.”

Wonshik had told Hakyeon a few stories about his college years with Taekwoon and about the childish pranks Taekwoon would pull on Wonshik. To Hakyeon, it was a strange image that he could only start envisioning when Taekwoon began to tease him more often. While people did change over the years and while it was possible Taekwoon had long since grown out of being so easygoing, Hakyeon liked to imagine what it would be like to see a Taekwoon void of the emotions and inner demons that plagued him.

“Taekwoon-hyung deserves something good to happen to him, but he’s so stubborn about staying in the same place.” Jaehwan sighed, the woes of prior experiences audible. “You have to light a fire under his ass to get him to move most of the time.”

Both Jaehwan and Wonshik thought he was the ‘something good’ meant for Taekwoon. Hakyeon didn’t feel that way at all. He just felt like a normal person who, through a slew of coincidences, came to have Taekwoon in his life.

**

Hakyeon wanted to see Taekwoon to see if he was doing alright. Thinking about it now, Nayoung’s birthday wasn’t that far from Taekwoon’s. Did their friends get together and celebrate both of their birthdays together? Both occasions were undoubtedly interlaced with each other, that much Hakyeon was sure. It would explain why Taekwoon had looked so distant for brief moments at the birthday dinner Jaehwan arranged.

He didn’t want to be a nuisance so Hakyeon didn’t show up at Taekwoon’s home nor did he send Taekwoon any messages that alluded to what Jaehwan had told him. If Taekwoon hadn’t told him about how significant this specific day was, then Hakyeon would feign ignorance. When it came to Nayoung, it wasn’t Hakyeon’s business to pry.

_ <<Did you see this video of this puppy playing in the snow? _

_ <<[Link] _

A reply didn’t come until after Hakyeon’s eaten dinner, showered, and settled into bed with a book he borrowed from Wonshik. A small cranberry-scented candle was steadily melting away on his nightstand as he was making his way through the pages. He enjoyed burning candles as much as he made them, feeling it helped wind his body down from the day.

_ >>Where do you find these videos? _

His phone vibrated with the new message and Hakyeon saved his page before picking up his phone. He was happy to find that Taekwoon was the one to message him, a wave of excitement washing over him. Only Taekwoon ever seemed to have this effect on him.

_ <<I have my sources~ _

_ >>Of course _

Hakyeon wet his lips, tapping his index finger against the side of his phone. As much as he wanted to talk more with Taekwoon, he must be tired.

_ <<It’s late. Are you heading to bed soon? _

_ >>It’s not that late. _

_ >>But I’m lying in bed. _

He wanted to hear Taekwoon’s soft voice against his ear just to know Taekwoon was actually there.

**

“Who did you guys get for Secret Santa?” Jaehwan asked in excitement.

“That defeats the purpose,” Taekwoon said bluntly, legs crossed as he took a sip from a cappuccino mug that was probably filled with another vanilla latte.

“I got Eunkwang-hyung,” Jaehwan revealed without batting an eyelash.

Taekwoon and Jaehwan’s dynamic never ceased to humor Hakyeon. Where Jaehwan was energetic and outgoing, Taekwoon was calm with surprise outbursts. They would go back and forth like this and it amazed Hakyeon to no end to see Taekwoon go from a picturesque painting you’d find in a museum to a giggling mess.

“I think it would be better to ask if any of us got each other for Secret Santa,” Hakyeon suggested. Hyunsik and his wife were throwing a Christmas party a week before the actual holiday, mostly because they were the only ones with a house that was big enough to fit everybody. While Hakyeon went home every year for Christmas when he was in Japan, this Christmas had a different feel to it.

“No,” Wonshik said while Taekwoon shook his head.

“Great,” Hakyeon clasped his hands together. “Neither did I.”

Hakyeon had gotten Minhyuk for his Secret Santa, but he still had plans to at least buy a present for Taekwoon. He wasn’t sure what he would get yet, but he had a month to figure it out. In the meantime, Hakyeon was focused on Taekwoon himself, who didn’t betray anything related to the few days he took off. He acted normal as they discussed gift ideas, rolling his eyes at Jaehwan, listening intently to Wonshik, and shyly looking away from Hakyeon when their eyes met. However, as Taekwoon talked, it felt as though he was speaking more freely than usual.  

“I finally got around to cooking some of the recipes from the cookbook you helped me pick out,” Hakyeon said when Wonshik and Jaehwan went off into their own little world, arguing what the best gift for Eunkwang would be. “You and Sanghyuk should come over for dinner sometime. I swear it’ll be edible.”

Taekwoon cracked a smile, leaning over to whisper, “As long as those two aren’t there.”

“That should be easy,” Hakyeon looked back over at their two friends who were still caught in debate. As time went on, Taekwoon seemed to become more lively not just with Hakyeon, but in general. If it had been months ago, Taekwoon would have politely declined with a purposeful pause for feigned thought. And, if Taekwoon did end up somewhere, there was a likely chance he was tricked somewhere along the way. “I’ll do dinner if you bring dessert.”

“I’m not going to make you a whole black forest cake.”

As if to end the discussion, Taekwoon pulled away before Hakyeon had a chance to retort. Hakyeon glared at Taekwoon and the only indication Hakyeon had that Taekwoon saw the icy stare was the amused smirk that Taekwoon had once rarely shown.

“What’re you two whispering about?” Hakyeon sat up straight in the chair and tried to come off as unassuming when Jaehwan’s attention switched to them.

“The party is in three weeks. I don’t get why you’re so worried,” Taekwoon said instead of informing Jaehwan of what they were talking about. “You could get Eunkwang a gag gift and he would still love it.”

Jaehwan gasped in horror, “How could I ever do that?”

Wonshik snapped his fingers and pointed at Jaehwan with a sudden epiphany, “Girl group posters!”

“Wonshikkie!” Jaehwan high-fived Wonshik, “That’s perfect!”

“How did you manage to be friends with both of them?” Hakyeon asked Taekwoon, though loud enough for the two in question to hear. “I can barely deal with Wonshik by himself.”

He was mostly joking, but he also had a three strike limit when it came to Wonshik angering him. Ever since Wonshik and Jaehwan started dating though, those sorts of instances had decreased.

“I learned to ignore them,” Taekwoon dove toward Hakyeon when Jaehwan lunged over to smack Taekwoon for the comment. Hakyeon wasn’t expecting Taekwoon to wedge himself behind Hakyeon as Jaehwan settled on slapping his palm against Taekwoon’s thigh since it was the closest thing he could reach. Taekwoon lurked behind Hakyeon’s shoulders, letting out yelps of pain that were definitely disproportionate to the actual pain.

Hakyeon liked how he had gotten used to this.

**

“Oh? Where’s Sanghyuk?” Taekwoon had turned up at his apartment door with a bottle of white wine and a pastry box, but no Sanghyuk by his legs. He was dressed casually– a sweater under a wool jacket and ripped skin tight jeans, despite the temperature. Hakyeon tried not to think about how good Taekwoon looked in even the simplest of clothes, instead shifting his thoughts over to why Taekwoon looked as if he had just weathered a storm.      

Hakyeon stepped aside to let Taekwoon in, “My sister came over at the last minute and kept Sanghyuk to keep Minyul company. She was really insistent I didn’t cancel and Sanghyuk was really excited to see his cousin.”

“Stubborn,” Hakyeon corrected. He didn’t know Taekwoon’s sister personally, but he knew Taekwoon. “I think it’s a family trait. I would’ve understood, but I’m still glad you could make it.”

“Thank you for making dinner,” Taekwoon said, casually kicking off his shoes like he done so a hundred times in that very foyer. He’s probably had Taekwoon over more than enough times for Taekwoon to be familiar with the layout of his apartment. Maybe not enough to know where everything in his kitchen was, but enough to be able to operate comfortably in the space whenever he came over. “I didn’t know what sort of wine to bring, but I brought a grigio.”

“I never would’ve taken you for a wine drinker,” Hakyeon noted, closing the door and following after Taekwoon. “You’re more of a caffeine drinker. I made seafood though, so it should pair well. You can put it in the fridge– I still need to cook the noodles.”

Taekwoon headed toward the kitchen to put away the bottle and the mystery pastry box, “I don’t drink often on principle, but I know what good wine tastes like.”

“Just as long as you don’t drink too much,” Hakyeon warned, lightly bumping up against Taekwoon’s back as he went to get started on the pasta portion of tonight’s dish. “I don’t think the kids should see you stumbling home.”

“My sister would have my head,” Taekwoon noted with a small laugh and went to hover over Hakyeon’s shoulder. He felt dangerously close, close enough for goosebumps to erupt over Hakyeon’s skin with a chill, “What did you make for dinner?”

“Garlic parmesan shrimp over pasta,” Hakyeon said, unceremoniously dumping a box of linguine into a pot of barely boiling water. “It turned out fine the first time I made it.”

“You should’ve waited for the water to come to a rolling boil.”

Hakyeon’s face dropped and he turned to face Taekwoon, who stared back at him blankly. He knew he should’ve waited a bit longer, but Taekwoon was distracting him. “Don’t be a backseat chef. Shoo, go away.”

“I don’t have anything else to do though,” Taekwoon said like it was a major dilemma. No, the real dilemma was how Hakyeon wished Taekwoon would perch his chin on Hakyeon’s shoulder and wrap his arms around him.

Luckily, Hakyeon managed to not accidentally set anything on fire and told Taekwoon to set the table to allow himself the opportunity to toss everything together without worrying about making any preventable mistakes. It was far from restaraunt quality in both presentation and plating, but Taekwoon eyed the completed dish with keen interest. He passed the plates to Taekwoon so Hakyeon could dig out wine glasses that hardly saw much use and retrieve the wine from his fridge. Taekwoon had the table set up so that they were sitting around a table corner– they didn’t sit side by side nor across from the other, but they sat in a way so that their bodies faced each other.

“It’s good,” Taekwoon’s brows shot up when he took a bite and Hakyeon let out a breath of relief, but also punched Taekwoon’s arm for the skeptical eyebrow movement.

“Of course it’s good! Don’t act so surprised,” Hakyeon huffed even though he was silently thankful it turned out so well. He scooped up a bite of pasta and shrimp on his fork, immediately finding the lightness he tasted the first time he made it. The dish was definitely suited for the summer season and Hakyeon could imagine himself sitting by the seaside somewhere.

Hakyeon picked up his wine glass by the stem and held it toward Taekwoon, “Cheers?” Somewhere with Taekwoon. He wanted to share the salty breeze of the coastline during the summer with Taekwoon, as well as many other seasons as Hakyeon was allowed.

“To what?” Nevertheless, Taekwoon lifted his own glass, slim fingers curled around the main body of the glass.

 _Cheers to meeting you and making me feel like a high schooler from a tacky rom-com_ , was the first suggestion to crop up.

“Does it need to be to anything?”

Taekwoon scoffed, but he clinked his glass against Hakyeon’s. Taekwoon took a small gulp, his eyes only open a crack, and Hakyeon watched the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. The way Taekwoon moved could only be described as deliberate and delicate, each action holding its own magic. Hakyeon drank from his own glass, reminding himself that that wasn’t all there was to Taekwoon.

They ate and drank a bit more and by the time they finished, they made it through half of the wine and Hakyeon was reminded of his age, feeling the warmth and fatigue that came with alcohol. He could hardly be considered inebriated, but Hakyeon propped his arm on the table and leaned against it for support. Taekwoon only had a light flush at the top of his cheeks, coloring the skin around his eyes prettily.

“What?” Taekwoon frowned and Hakyeon allowed himself a content smile.

“Nothing really,” Hakyeon said, tilting his head to the side as he lazily examined Taekwoon’s face. “I’m just appreciating your eyes. They’re pretty.”

The red on Taekwoon’s cheeks spread, “Not really.”

It wasn’t a lack of self-confidence that caused Taekwoon to act the way he did, that much Hakyeon had already learned. He enjoyed giving Taekwoon compliments whenever he could, believing he deserved them and more.

“It’s fine if you don’t think so, but I think they are,” Hakyeon stretched his legs out and stood up, piling their empty plates and utensils together. He had a feeling Taekwoon brought over some of that black forest mousse cake he loved so much. It was an expensive treat that Hakyeon rarely ordered for himself and a cake that Taekwoon didn’t feel like making outside of the cafe’s workroom.

“Hakyeon,” Hakyeon paused just as he was about to carry the plates off, giving a not quite composed Taekwoon his full attention. Taekwoon was looking straight up at him, eyes narrowed slightly in concentration. When there were a lack of words being said, there was always Taekwoon’s unwittingly piercing gaze that captivated Hakyeon into staying still.

“Yeah?”

“Hakyeon…” Taekwoon repeated, “I–”

Hakyeon searched Taekwoon’s expression for an indication of what Taekwoon was trying to convey. This was one of those times Hakyeon couldn’t read Taekwoon, due in part to the swirl of different emotions overcoming Taekwoon. It felt like Taekwoon was trying to tell him something important…

However, Taekwoon’s shoulders slumped, draining the life out of him. He looked...disappointed, “No, nevermind…”

Hakyeon looked at Taekwoon quizzically, “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Taekwoon brushed a slow hand through his bangs. They were getting long, Hakyeon thought, long enough to almost cover his eyes. “It’s nothing.”

Even though Hakyeon couldn’t tell what Taekwoon wanted to say, it felt like something significant had skipped over them.  

**

It wasn’t a large gathering, but the Christmas party had a sizable number of Hyunsik’s close friends squeezed into his home. Hakyeon knew a majority of them pretty well and hadn’t had many chances to see some of them since he moved back into the country. Small talk was easy in those cases and Hakyeon was usually whisked away before needing to do any in depth conversating. Minhyuk was busy helping Hyunsik set up things so for the first half of the party, Hakyeon had probably repeated the same conversation five times and was glad to see Taekwoon walking through the front door with Sanghyuk.

“Taekwoonie! And I see you brought little Sanghyuk,” Hakyeon knelt down to Sanghyuk’s level, who was holding Taekwoon’s hand. “Hi Sanghyuk, how’re you?”

“Say hi back, Hyukkie,” Taekwoon encouraged. Sanghyuk didn’t look incredibly happy, but he waved at Hakyeon with a meek, “Hi Mr. Hakyeon.”

Even though Taekwoon had introduced Hakyeon as an uncle, Sanghyuk continued to address as a teacher. It always brought a grin to Hakyeon’s face whenever Sanghyuk called out to him in the hallways.

“Sanghyuk, do you want to go play with Sungjae?” Taekwoon asked and Sanghyuk silently nodded. Hakyeon straightened his legs, shooting Taekwoon a puzzled glance between him and Sanghyuk. Taekwoon shook his head, “I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Take your time,” Hakyeon said. He wondered what had caused Sanghyuk to become so uncharacteristically subdued despite knowing would tell him about it later. Taekwoon came back a few minutes later without a jacket, exposing the large sweater he had been wearing underneath. Hakyeon found that with the colder weather, Taekwoon was prone to wearing different sweaters with a seemingly limitless cycle of ripped jeans.

“What do I do with this?” Taekwoon slightly raised the present he brought between them and Hakyeon pointed toward the Christmas tree that had a growing pile of wrapped presents stacked underneath.

“I can get you a drink while you do that.”

“I’d appreciate it. Nothing alcoholic please.”

It didn’t take long for Taekwoon to tuck the present away as he sought Hakyeon out in the kitchen just as Hakyeon finished dropping marshmallows into a mug of hot chocolate. Taekwoon came up from behind and then Hakyeon felt a weight rest on his shoulder. The kitchen was void of other people so Hakyeon didn’t move, but he also didn’t wish to displace Taekwoon’s head. It would be redundant to ask if he was alright.

“What’s wrong?” Hakyeon asked, to which Taekwoon kneaded his forehead into Hakyeon’s shoulder as if that would convey all that needed to be said.

“Sanghyuk has been missing Nayoung lately,” Taekwoon eventually said. “He was sulking around the whole day.”  

He sounded tired and distant. There wasn’t anything Hakyeon could do against such an inevitable occurrence but stand there with Taekwoon and offer him some warm hot chocolate.

“Here. Hyunsik made a whole batch of it from scratch apparently,” Hakyeon rubbed Taekwoon’s head to get him to lift it and offered him the mug. “You know playing with the other kids will help take it off Sanghyuk’s mind.”

“That’s what I’m hoping for,” Taekwoon took the warm mug with two hands and stared into the growing pool of marshmallow goop. “I need to be there for him.”

Hakyeon turned around so he could face Taekwoon and poke Taekwoon’s temple with a scolding touch, “Stop acting like you aren’t. You’re a good parent and you love Sanghyuk too much to never _not_ make sure he was okay. Don’t be so glum– it’s the holidays.”

Taekwoon sighed sullenly, “I don’t know Hakyeon. I should be strong for both of us but I miss her more now than usual too.”

“Isn’t that normal though?” Hakyeon leaned back against the counter behind him. “The holidays are when you spend time with your family. It’s understandable for you to have these sorts of moments.”

He did his best in picking the most appropriate words, even though they may have come off as generic and impersonal. Hakyeon wanted to validate Taekwoon’s struggles because Taekwoon had this way of forcing himself to look stable and would push away everything that didn’t help to uphold that image. It would only spell self destruction if Taekwoon kept on pushing himself like this.

“But right now, you deserve to be happy, even if it’s for a few hours. Come on,” Hakyeon pressed a finger at the corner of Taekwoon’s mouth and pushed upward, “I know you know how to smile.”

Taekwoon tried to keep his lips shut, but he couldn’t fight the smile that was beginning to form without the force of Hakyeon’s finger. Hakyeon could see the corner of Taekwoon’s lip twitch as Taekwoon shoved the finger away. Sure it may have been an exasperated smile coupled with an eye roll, but there was an element of delight in the way Taekwoon would briefly turn away to collect himself that Hakyeon enjoyed.

“Of course I know how,” Taekwoon scratched the area where Hakyeon’s finger once was in a distracted manner. Hakyeon’s eyes were drawn to the motion

Hakyeon patted Taekwoon on the butt to get him to walk, “Of course you do.”

“You’re just like Jaehwan…” Taekwoon mumbled, but abided.

Hakyeon didn’t believe he was fooling himself when it seemed like Taekwoon was growing less tense as the night went on, but that could be because of the good company they were in. The present exchange had caused Hakyeon’s stomach to ache from laughed with every ridiculous gift that was revealed and even Taekwoon allowed himself to chuckle.

In the end, Jaehwan got Eunkwang an abundance of posters of a variety of girl groups while Taekwoon gifted Minhyuk a daily calendar with pictures of cats on each date. Wonshik got Jongin a mason jar of hot chocolate mix and marshmallows with candy canes, causing Jongin to complain about how shitty of a best friend Wonshik was.  

His own Secret Santa, who turned out to be Junmyeon, got Hakyeon a bath bomb with rose petals inside. People who knew about his enjoyment of burning candles always joked about how he was the type to bathe in a pool of rose petals with candles lit and a glass of wine in hand. In reality he wasn’t and took the jokes in stride. Hakyeon was responsible for Hyunsik’s gift and got him a Hello Kitty ice tray, much to his wife’s delight.

They all talk and laugh as the kids ran around, even putting on a little show. Hakyeon had gone to college with some of the people present while others he happened to get to know during those years. To see some of them having kids of their own was truly a testament of their age. But, Hakyeon was happy with where he currently was in life. When he had moved back from Japan, Hakyeon wasn’t sure what his life would be like. A year later and Hakyeon had come to accept this new reality for himself.

“If Wonshik proposed to Jaehwan, he would piss himself before he even got down on one knee from being too nervous,” Jongin laughed, then quickly told Wonshik he was only kidding around when Wonshik went to tackle him.

Taekwoon yawned as he leaned against Hakyeon’s arm, his left hand (the one closest to Hakyeon, the one that was still missing that familiar silver ring) limply rested palm side up on Taekwoon’s thigh. Everybody was continuing on with the discussion of who would be the next to get married when Hakyeon decided to put his hand over Taekwoon’s. He found the base of Taekwoon’s fingers bumpy from old callouses, however didn’t explore any more as he sought to shake Taekwoon’s hand to keep him awake.

“You’re getting old,” Hakyeon murmured. It was nearing ten in the evening and most of their friends still had the energy to keep going. On his other side, Junmyeon was starting to nod off and some of the kids were sleeping in one of the bedrooms. This was typically what happened when there was too much excitement going on.   

“We’re the same age,” Taekwoon responded without moving himself, or his hand, away from Hakyeon. “You’re calling yourself old.”

“Shush, you. I’m going to go make you some tea,” When Hakyeon moved to get up, his hand lifting off of Taekwoon’s, he thought he felt Taekwoon hold onto his hand for a brief second. It must’ve been his imagination.

After asking if anybody else wanted anything to drink, Hakyeon headed toward the hallway of rooms. He peeked into one of them to find many of the kids, four of them to be exact, asleep on the bed, including Sanghyuk, who was clutching onto Sungjae’s arm. Hakyeon smiled at the sight and made sure to quietly tug a blanket over all of them. Once that was done, he went into the guest bedroom where everybody had thrown their coats and bags. It took Hakyeon a while to find his own coat, but he managed to dig it out from the bottom of the mess.

He held it up so he could dig into one of the pockets and came up with a thin black, rectangular felt box with a small gold ribbon bow at one corner. Hakyeon stared at the box, the felt material cushioning his fingers.

**   

Mid-December weather meant dry air and sharp gusts of wind. If you stayed outside long enough, you wouldn’t be able to feel the cold air digging into your skin as you braved the elements and thought of only warm things to grant yourself a false sense of warmth. Hakyeon thought of the spiced chai Taekwoon would make for him. Somehow, Taekwoon knew when Hakyeon had a long day.

Today was one of those days, the stress of last minute gift shopping gnawing on the edges of Hakyeon’s thoughts. With Christmas around the corner, there were more people milling around the streets and more storefronts displaying seasonal decoratives. The cafe Taekwoon and Jaehwan co-owned was one of those, the counter lined with tinsel streamers and the walls with a few wreaths. Hakyeon had an inkling that it was mostly Jaehwan’s handiwork at play. Taekwoon probably had something to do with the lack of mistletoe.

“Busy today?” he asked Taekwoon, who wore a Santa hat with his uniform. The cafe seemed to be bustling much more than usual.

“It usually gets like this during this time of year,” Taekwoon said. “Everybody’s last minute shopping.”

Nobody was queueing in line behind him so Hakyeon took his time, “Did you finish all of your shopping?”

“For the most part,” Taekwoon shrugged.

“Oh Taekwoonie, you’re so productive,” Hakyeon said wistfully. “I wish I could have some of that.”

Taekwoon looked at him in disbelief, “I’d thought you were the type to buy gifts months before.”   

“I am. I’ve just been busy lately,” he looked over the pastries that were on display, noting the seasonal gingerbread cookies decorated with icing buttons and eyes and the Christmas sweater cookies with their unique designs. “I’ve been coming here for almost a year and I still don’t know what to get.”

“That long?” Taekwoon questioned and Hakyeon almost forgot that Taekwoon hadn’t always been standing at the front of the cafe.

“I moved back after New Year’s and found a place in the area in February,” Hakyeon replied, giving a slice of vanilla cake a onceover. “Could I have that cake?”

Taekwoon walked over to the display, sliding it open from his side and retrieving the slice, “Two thousand won.”

“And a medium hot chocolate? My fingers are really cold,” Hakyeon moaned with a pout, rubbing his hands together for emphasis. Taekwoon put the cake down on a plate and then held his hand out to Hakyeon. Hakyeon stopped his hands, and looked at Taekwoon’s with curiosity.

“Let me see,” Taekwoon simply requested. Hakyeon did so, placing one hand in Taekwoon’s open one. His fingers were still frozen from being exposed to the winter air, but Taekwoon’s radiated a nice warmth. Taekwoon turned his attention to them, flinching at the sudden temperature difference, “Ack, you’re cold.”

“That’s what I told you,” Hakyeon rolled his eyes, but was at a loss when Taekwoon cupped Hakyeon’s hand and began to rub heat into it. Immediately, his fingers began to feel like they were a part of his body again. Behind Taekwoon though was Jaehwan emerging from the back room and promptly waggled his eyebrows at Hakyeon, who shot a quick very-not-impressed glare at the other.

Taekwoon looked up expectantly, “Better?”

Hakyeon hoped Taekwoon thought the sweat forming on Hakyeon’s palm was from the sudden heat that enveloped them and not anything else, “Yeah, thanks.”

Taekwoon let him go, “I’ll make you a spiced chai latte instead?”

Hakyeon retracted his hand, one hand much warmer than the other, “I feel bad for not paying you for it. You put a lot of effort into making them.”

“I told you before I like making it for you. But, I also have a cup left over from the last time I made it,” Taekwoon said. “Go sit somewhere and I’ll bring you your stuff.”      

A few minutes later, after Hakyeon settled down at a table (not his usual one, but it wasn’t like Hakyeon was particular about these sorts of things) and marked off items on his phone’s checklist, Taekwoon came over with the cake served on a plate and a steaming mug of chai latte. He placed it down in front of Hakyeon.

“What...are you doing on Christmas?” Taekwoon asked cautiously. Hakyeon couldn’t see why Taekwoon had sounded so unsure.

He wrapped his hands around the warm ceramic, relishing the heat coming off of the smooth surface, “I’ll be going to my parents’ house for dinner and playing with my nieces and nephews a bit before heading home. What about you?”

“I’m doing the same,” Taekwoon said. “But I– well, Jaehwan and I were wondering if you wanted to come by my place for a small get together with Wonshik after dinner? You don’t need to bring anything.”

Hakyeon was reminded of the black felt box that was sitting on his dresser in his room, “I’d love to.”

**

It was great seeing his family again and seeing how much his nieces and nephews had grown. He felt bad for not visiting them often now that he was in the same country as them, but they seemed to be living well after he and his older sisters had flocked from the nest. They were enjoying grandparenthood just as much as Hakyeon enjoyed unclehood, entertaining the kids as they ran around with their new toys. Being back in his childhood home reminded him of the hours he used to spend dancing along to YouTube videos, eventually evolving into choreographing his own routines.

Dance had been his life, but Hakyeon thought it was time for him to settle in one place and maintain a decent schedule. He had gone to school and majored in education anyways, getting his master’s while he was abroad dancing across theater stages. That had been his life up until a year ago and already it felt like a distant life.     

And yet, he couldn’t help but equate his life to dance. His relationship with Taekwoon, for instance, was like a slow, yet powerful, dance set to a ballad. It pulled Hakyeon in different directions, but with a sense of fluidity to it. Every step, every twirl, every breath was purposeful as the music commanded strong emotion from both the audience and dancer.

The beat was cautiously slow at first and tumultuous at times, but now Hakyeon danced it like he never knew any other dance.  

There wasn’t any snow in the forecast so Hakyeon drove down the expressway at a modest speed after dinner, dessert, and having kids piling on top of him to say goodbye. He drove with the radio on to keep him company as he headed toward the home he made for himself, singing along to a few Christmas tunes.

After picking a bag of wrapped gifts at his apartment and freshening up, Hakyeon arrived at Taekwoon’s apartment close to nine. Taekwoon’s building was the sort of building where the apartment doors were exposed to the elements so Hakyeon waited with only his condensated breath to keep him company. It didn’t take long for the front door to open and for Hakyeon to come face to face with Taekwoon.

“Merry Christmas, Taekwoonie,” Hakyeon smiled.

Taekwoon allowed his expression to soften, “Merry Christmas, Hakyeon.”

A silent prayer was made in the form of the deep breath Hakyeon took for himself, unsure of what would or wouldn’t happen tonight. Many people have attributed self-assurance to Hakyeon’s character when in reality, Hakyeon grew the most doubtful as the pressure grew. When it came to dance recitals and exams, Hakyeon made it out fine. In the realm of people and relationships, this had yet to be tested.

“Thanks for inviting me,” Hakyeon said as he made his way inside, the subtle scent of vanilla hitting his nose.

“You must be tired from going to your parents’ house,” Taekwoon waited for Hakyeon to take off his shoes and then lead him inside. “I feel bad for asking you to come over.”

“Nonsense,” Hakyeon disregarded Taekwoon’s cause for concern. “I probably would’ve ended up reading a book for the rest of the night. You saved me from a boring Christmas night. Besides, I brought gifts for everybody.”

As soon as he said gifts, two pairs of footsteps came thumping toward him. Sanghyuk, with Hongbin close behind, ran up to him.

“Mr. Hakyeon!” Sanghyuk cheered, full of giddiness. “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas Mr. Hakyeon!” Hongbin also yelled, throwing his arms up in greeting.

Hakyeon grinned, “Merry Christmas to you guys too.”

Jaehwan and Wonshik had come over with Hongbin around an hour prior and they were all sitting around the table in the living room playing Monopoly Junior, which Hongbin had gotten as a Christmas present, while snacking on freshly baked cookies. Hakyeon wondered who had given Hongbin the gift, only to be promptly informed it had been Jonghyun.

Before Hakyeon arrived, Wonshik was the only one sitting off to the side watching the kids (basically Jaehwan and Taekwoon) play a round of the downgraded version, witnessing them fight over who got what property. Hakyeon wasn’t sure what Jonghyun was expecting when he gifted a game notorious for starting fights to a kid, though he did like starting trouble.

The game was quickly forgotten when Hakyeon had arrived bearing gifts for the kids that he thought were much more appropriate– a dinosaur excavation kit for Sanghyuk and a Nerf gun for Hongbin, much to Wonshik’s terror. He had also prepared gifts for the adults– a set of dessert and baking salts for Jaehwan and for Wonshik, a vinyl record of a hip hop artist he liked.     

From Jaehwan, he got a cookbook filled with different Japanese dishes and desserts while Wonshik gave him a set of books he had been eyeing for awhile. At the rate he was getting books, Hakyeon would need to buy another bookshelf.

“I’ll give you your present later, Taekwoon,” Hakyeon gave Taekwoon a sheepish smile, putting his newly acquired pile of books to the side.

Jaehwan made an _oooh_ sound, for which Taekwoon shot a warning glare at him. Hakyeon didn’t like the insinuation of it, but Hakyeon didn’t want Jaehwan and Wonshik around when he gave Taekwoon his gift. Taekwoon would kill Jaehwan, if Hakyeon was accurately predicting what Jaehwan’s reaction would be and he wanted to avoid unnecessary bloodshed on this holiday.

“I...don’t really have your gift ready yet,” Taekwoon admitted.

“I thought you got all of your Christmas gift shopping done already?” Hakyeon teased. He didn’t mind at all– just being with Taekwoon was enough for Hakyeon to have a good Christmas.

Taekwoon stared down at his lap, “I did, I mean, I have it but I haven’t gotten a chance to wrap it and write a card.”

Hakyeon blinked, “That’s fine.”

“Um...later then…” Taekwoon mumbled, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

Later, however, came sooner than Hakyeon had time to process when Jaehwan and Wonshik whisked the kids up and left Hakyeon alone with Taekwoon after Hakyeon went to take a quick bathroom break. It wasn't exactly the circumstances Hakyeon had thought to find himself in, initially planning to ask Taekwoon to take a trip to the convenience store with him and give him his present while they were alone.

“Where did they go?” Hakyeon asked, referring to the two missing adults and children.

“Out to buy snacks,” Taekwoon replied before getting up and heading toward Hakyeon. “It might take them a while. I’ll go get your present now.”

Hakyeon should tell him now while he had the courage to do so. And while he also had the option to keep it to himself and wait for his feelings to fizzle out (he doubted they would), Hakyeon was never the complacent type. He pulled out the black felt box he had been holding on to for the last few weeks as he waited for Taekwoon to return.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i was starting this fic, i was aiming for a 40k story at most and now its ;;;;;  
> I just want to thank you guys for all the love and support ♡ it means a lot :')


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a real long one

“Happy Birthday Nayoungie,” Taekwoon smiled down at the gravestone, bright flowers already resting at the foot of the stone from previous visitors. “I’m sorry I haven’t visited you. I made some of your favorites with some help.”

“Happy Birthday Mom!” Sanghyuk cheered with a flower bundle of his own in his arms. “I put a bunch of star sprinkles on the cupcakes!”

“The cupcakes are very starry,” Taekwoon laughed, setting down the picnic basket he was carrying. “Hyukkie, why don’t you give Mom the flowers you picked?”

It was Nayoung’s birthday and for the past few days, Taekwoon had steeled himself for the visit he had been putting off since the funeral. The drive wasn’t terrible and the cemetery was located in an area that offered a quiet view of the mountains in the distance, however Taekwoon couldn’t find much to appreciate about any of it aside from the serene atmosphere.

Once Taekwoon laid out a blanket for them to sit on and took out mini precut sandwiches for them to eat, he encouraged Sanghyuk to tell Nayoung about starting kindergarten and whatever else he wished to talk about. Every few sentences Taekwoon would add his own input or remind Sanghyuk of things he had left out.

Up until a few weeks ago Taekwoon couldn’t imagine himself sitting in this small cemetery talking lightheartedly about art projects or kitchen mishaps as freely as he was. Returning to the place where the person he loved so dearly was buried had been something that pained Taekwoon to even _think_ of, especially when even recalling her passing was too much for Taekwoon at times. Watching Sanghyuk talk as if Nayoung was there though... Taekwoon felt like he had robbed Sanghyuk of his own form of closure as a result of his own grief.     

Nine months later and while their family may not be in the best place, they were trying.

“And then Sanghyuk dropped half of the icing on the floor,” Taekwoon chuckled when Sanghyuk gasped at him in betrayal. Sanghyuk had been telling Nayoung about how he helped make her favorite lemon cupcakes, the ones Sanghyuk was stuffing his face with at that very moment. Taekwoon wiped off the icing smudged around Sanghyuk’s lips with a napkin before allowing Sanghyuk to voice his complaint.

“Dad! You said it would be a secret!”

Taekwoon laughed, “It’s okay. Mom dropped a whole cake once.”

Sanghyuk _hmm_ ’ed, fixing Taekwoon a skeptical look, “Really?”

“Mmhm. I helped her make one for her friend’s birthday, but she dropped it by accident.” Taekwoon recalled the memory fondly– Nayoung had been worrying over the sort of cake to bake an older friend a week before the birthday party and Taekwoon had poked fun at her for  pacing around so much. It was slightly mean spirited of him and he may have deserved to have his hair brutally yanked.

It had been one steady step forward after another for Taekwoon lately and sitting where he was on this autumn morning had been a long stride. For the first time, Taekwoon felt positively about the direction of his life.

“Hyukkie, do you want to go pick some dandelions for me?”

“Okay!” Sanghyuk pushed himself up and ran off somewhere close by without question.

Taekwoon watched Sanghyuk yank a dandelion out of the ground, pulling the roots up with it, and then turned to face Nayoung’s gravestone as his smile fell. He raised his left hand up to the cold stone, tracing over the inscription under Nayoung’s life span. The wedding ring situated between Taekwoon’s collarbones felt heavy.   

_Beloved Mother, Daughter, and Friend_

“I’m sorry it took me so long to visit, Nayoungie, and I’m sorry for not being there for our Hyukkie after you were gone.”  

Taekwoon dropped his hand and glanced over at Sanghyuk to witness him pulling another dandelion out of the ground and adding it to his collection of two. He sat silently for a few minutes, never taking his eyes off Sanghyuk as he toiled over whether it was appropriate or not to say what he wanted to say. He could save it for another time, but he would still owe it to Nayoung.

“There’s a man that comes to the cafe a lot,” Taekwoon started off slowly. “He really likes my black forest cakes, the one that takes so long to make and that you thought was a diet destroyer. Whenever he looks tired, I make him his favorite drink even though it’s not on the menu. He’s going to be a teacher at Hyukkie’s school next year and I think he would be a good one– he’s understanding and tries to see things from other people’s perspectives first. I think you would’ve liked him.”    

“Even when I’m a burden he still smiles at me and let’s me sit next to him when I don’t want to talk about anything.” Taekwoon sighed, suddenly unsure if he should continue. “Maybe I shouldn’t bother you about this on your birthday.”

He didn’t feel entirely comfortable continuing yet something pulled on his tongue to go on. If Nayoung were there, she would bug him until he said what was on his mind. She’d want him to confide in her, even if it could potentially hurt her.

“You might already know, but he helped me when Sanghyuk was in the hospital. Sanghyuk likes him and I…” It wasn’t as if Taekwoon would gain anything tangible out of doing this– this was something he felt Nayoung needed to hear Taekwoon himself say out loud.

Taekwoon turned away from Nayoung’s gravestone. She deserved to know everything, even if Taekwoon felt some shame out of it, “I think I’m in love with him.”

Even though he had said it with ambiguity, Taekwoon was sure. It wasn’t a fleeting crush or some sort of lust mistaken for affection– from the way Taekwoon would search for Hakyeon during the afternoon lull or how Taekwoon treasured every single second with Hakyeon, it was real. It was as real as his love for Nayoung, who continued to hold a chunk of his heart.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Taekwoon wished Nayoung was actually physically there so he could lean his head on her shoulder. He wanted to love them both without fearing one would overwhelm the other. It was selfish of him to do this and if there was another way, Taekwoon would gladly take it.

**

The following days, living felt easier. While he didn’t wake up with energy in his body, Taekwoon also didn’t wake up with a sigh stuck in his throat. Taekwoon wasn’t invested in figuring out the cause, mostly wishing to spend his time being a decent parent for Sanghyuk and living each day as they came. He owed it to himself and Nayoung to take care of Sanghyuk.

“You and Sanghyuk should come over for dinner sometime. I swear it’ll be edible,” Hakyeon said while Jaehwan and Wonshik were discussing Secret Santa gifts.

Ordinarily, Taekwoon wouldn’t immediately accept Hakyeon’s invitation. He always worried about overstepping his boundaries or mistaking Hakyeon’s openness as courtesy that would lead Taekwoon to thinking it over. None of Taekwoon’s worries had ever been realized and at least with Taekwoon, Hakyeon wasn’t the type to feign anything.

“As long as those two aren’t there,” Taekwoon whispered, sealing the deal. His answer came to him quickly and with a distinct lack of tangled thoughts.

**

“It’s good,” Taekwoon said, his brows raising as the flavors rolled over his tongue. He needed to remember to write down the recipe Hakyeon used before he left. It was too bad his sister had taken Sanghyuk for the night– Taekwoon felt like Sanghyuk would have had fun with Hakyeon.

Hakyeon sounded relieved, but he punched Taekwoon’s arm, “Of course it’s good! Don’t act so surprised.”

Taekwoon smiled and they continued to eat, drinking the wine Taekwoon had brought over. He had only limited himself to a glass for the night and already he was feeling it warm his stomach after a few sips. A jittery energy thrummed under his fingers ever since Taekwoon had been welcomed into Hakyeon’s home and Taekwoon couldn’t find any way to sit still. He had poked at Hakyeon’s cooking skills and smiled behind Hakyeon’s back as the other muttered under his voice about backseat chefs and the recipe steps he needed to complete.

By no means was this night any different from any other night he and Hakyeon spended together, so maybe it was the soft warmth of wine in his blood that made Taekwoon feel that _this_ was it. This was what being together with Hakyeon would be like– sharing meals, stability, and happiness in even the most mundane of things.

“What?”

Hakyeon smiled, mysteriously pleased as he tilted his head to the side, “Nothing really. I’m just appreciating your eyes. They’re pretty.”

All of the sudden, Taekwoon felt self conscious of where his eyes were looking and averted them to the side. He hadn’t been expecting Hakyeon to be looking so intently at him while he was spacing out, “Not really…”

“It’s fine if you don’t think so, but I think they are,” Hakyeon replied like he had said it hundreds of times before. Taekwoon looked over at Hakyeon to see he had gotten up and cleaning up the table. Hakyeon looked content, his face barely keeping his joy from bursting out. Taekwoon had been in an improved mood lately, constantly feeling more than a touch alive for once, and being with Hakyeon amplified that.

Hakyeon was at the tips of Taekwoon’s fingers. If Taekwoon just stretched his arm a bit more, strained his muscles…

“Hakyeon.”

Hakyeon’s hands stilled around the stack of plates he was about to carry off, blinking owlishly at Taekwoon, “Yeah?”

The back of his neck was heating up, the sweater he was wearing too stuffy for him as he wondered...should he...? It was a good opportunity and whether or not the drop of courage Taekwoon had scavenged would be enough remained to be seen.   

“Hakyeon...I–” his voice sounded small and as Hakyeon patiently waited for Taekwoon to finish, for him to spit out the last two words, for his hands to stop trembling. Taekwoon wanted to tell Hakyeon how much he meant to Taekwoon so badly, especially when Hakyeon was so accepting of the baggage Taekwoon lived with.

Taekwoon opened his mouth to speak.

He was terrified.

“No, nevermind...” his shoulders slumped– he couldn’t do it.

Hakyeon looked at him with concern and curiosity, his brows pressing together as he asked, “Are you sure?”

It wasn’t going to happen, he wasn’t going to be able to say it. Taekwoon brushed away his bangs, only to have them fall back into place, “Yes. It’s nothing.”

Hakyeon didn’t seem convinced, but didn’t push any further as he went to put away the dirty dishes instead. Taekwoon had a few minutes to himself as Hakyeon was unquestionably taking out dessert for them. Having feelings was one thing, but being prepared was another. Nevermind the fact he hadn’t dealt with dating in almost a decade, was Taekwoon even ready to dive into another relationship so soon? He had gotten carried away and only at the last minute did he even stop to think about it.

“I knew you brought this cake as soon as I opened the door,” Hakyeon claimed, coming back with the portion of black forest mousse cake Taekwoon had brought over on a plate with two forks. However, he didn’t put down the plate and coaxed Taekwoon to migrate over to the sofa so Hakyeon could put on a movie.

“You know, I don’t get why you like these tearjerker romance movies so much,” Hakyeon shoveled off a large chunk of cake with his fork, balancing the plate on their thighs. “I mean, you end up crying and your eyes get swollen.”

Taekwoon ate a small bite of the cake and then left his fork on the plate, “Why do you read romance novels that look like they belong on a supermarket bookshelf?”

“They aren't!”

Though that seemed to shut Hakyeon up about Taekwoon’s taste in movies. For the most part, Hakyeon made various quips about the characters, complaining mostly about the plot line until Taekwoon shushed him again. Taekwoon drew his shoulders in, stretching his arms down in between his legs. He was hardly paying attention to the movie, different what-ifs and worries flooding his thoughts. Everything mounted on each other and what if he only latched onto Hakyeon because he was lonely and saw Hakyeon as convenient?  

“Taekwoon.”

“What now?”

“Don’t let me eat all of this.”

Taekwoon turned to face Hakyeon and the corner of his lips met cold frosting and chocolate. Hakyeon smiled at him sheepishly, his thumb coming up to wipe the mess off Taekwoon’s face. It was just Hakyeon’s finger smoothing across his face, there wasn’t anything for Taekwoon to get worked up about. Despite this, Taekwoon murmured a small thanks and chomped down on the forkful of cake Hakyeon had offered to distract himself.

“Hakyeon,” Taekwoon said, mentally marking the movie as a loss. He wasn’t paying attention at all to what was happening and he felt too antsy to just sit there. He had noticed one of the characters doing a little dance and in the spur of the moment asked, “Do you ever miss dancing?”

He knew Hakyeon had been dancing his whole life and loved the art enough to live in Japan and learn Japanese. There were times Taekwoon wondered how Hakyeon could turn away from something he had been passionate about and settle for a less lively career. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t know any specifics about why Hakyeon had switched occupations. He wasn’t sure if it was purposeful so he never tried to question Hakyeon about it.

“All the time,” Hakyeon replied longingly, tapping his fork against the edge of the plate softly without rhythm. “I miss a lot of things about it.”

Taekwoon nodded, twirling his own fork absentmindedly, “Why did you become a teacher then?”

Hakyeon shrugged, his eyes trained forward but seemed far away, “I’ve always loved the idea of teaching and took the chance when it came by. It took me a while to stop thinking about dancing so much, but I love teaching and dancing equally now. I didn’t want to let either one of them go.”

“I guess I’m just stubborn like that,” Hakyeon showed Taekwoon a sheepish smile, yet his voice held a dismal undertone. Taekwoon couldn’t figure out why it was there, not with the information he already held. He didn’t say anything, choosing to press a piece of cake to Hakyeon’s lips, eliciting a comforted laugh.   

The reality of a future relationship was something Taekwoon was unsure of, but he knew he wanted to always be there for Hakyeon.

**

“Did you not drink your daily latte?” Hakyeon poked Taekwoon’s cheek when Taekwoon crossed his arms on the table and buried his head in them.  

Lately, Taekwoon had taken to joining Hakyeon whenever the other came in, sitting down at his table to nibble on whichever treat Hakyeon had ordered. Hakyeon would swat at him to stay away from his food but would still offer Taekwoon some of it even though Taekwoon could help himself to his own stock anytime.

“It’s cold.”

“Hyung! I’m not going to do your share of work just because you’re talking with Hakyeon-hyung!” Jaehwan yelled.

Taekwoon wasn’t avoiding his work, he was just taking a well deserved break. He looked over his shoulder so he could stick his tongue out at Jaehwan.

“If you keep on doing this to Jaehwan, he might go on strike,” Hakyeon noted when Jaehwan flipped Taekwoon off.

“If he tries, I’m going to do something to his nose.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Jaehwan gasped with the fear of knowing Taekwoon would dare.

“Ah, he heard me.”

Hakyeon observed with humor, “You two are like cats and dogs.”

Taekwoon turned to face Hakyeon, who was still wearing his jacket and had yet to take out anything from his bag that typically contained the item Taekwoon would see Hakyeon using for the next hour. Hakyeon’s hands were cradled around the hot cup of tea he ordered and his gaze pointed at the steaming dark drink.

“Are you sensitive to the cold?” Taekwoon asked against his arm. The majority of his clothes were starting to take on hints of lavender from the candle Hakyeon had gifted him, which probably said a lot about how often he burned the fragrant wax.

“Sort of,” Hakyeon lifted his tea to cool it down with short blows. His cheeks puffed up a bit right before he exhaled so Taekwoon compulsively reached up to poke his finger at it.

Hakyeon eyed him, wondering what Taekwoon was doing, but Taekwoon just said, “You should wear mittens,” and poked him again before curling his arm back under his head.

“I don’t really like wearing them so don’t get me a pair for Christmas,” Hakyeon warned, taking a tentative temperature check of his tea with his tongue. “I’d appreciate a box of hand warmers though.”

Oh, that’s right... Christmas. Even with the Secret Santa party around the corner and the festive red-green decorations Taekwoon saw around the area, he hadn’t actively acknowledged that Christmas was less than two weeks away. He was probably unconsciously doing it, given the connotation of the holidays. For many, the first thought was family. For others, it was a prime day for couples to go on dates.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Taekwoon sighed, suddenly wishing he could fast forward through December. Maybe if he just stayed at home for the rest of the month, he wouldn’t even realize Christmas and New Years were happening.

“You don’t have to look so sad about it,” Hakyeon rested his hand over Taekwoon’s nape, massaging the area with soothing care.

Taekwoon groaned in reply, concentrating on the way Hakyeon’s fingers were kneading into his skin. A gentle pressure pressing circles into him and if he really wanted, Taekwoon could fall asleep like this. He wondered if this was what being in a relationship with Hakyeon would be like. Save for heightened intimacy, would it be any different from their friendship? It wasn’t like Taekwoon could bluntly ask Hakyeon these sorts of questions as if Hakyeon was interviewing for the role.

“Hakyeonie,” Taekwoon mumbled.

“Hm?”

“Can you tell Jaehwan to start thinking of Christmas specials for me?”

“Isn’t that your job?” Hakyeon chuckled but did so anyway. Taekwoon and Nayoung had been friends before they dated and things were barely any different between them. They became more casual around one another as time went on, but they were still the same people who had agonized over exams together and drank too much coffee than normal.  

“Hakyeonie.”

“Yes?”

“When are you going to make me dinner again?”

Hakyeon drummed his fingers on Taekwoon’s neck, “Cooking for a person who’s good at cooking takes courage. Cooking for Wonshik, for example, is easy.”

“So you make Wonshik food all the time?” Taekwoon picked his head up so he could pout at Hakyeon.  

Hakyeon laughed, poking Taekwoon’s cheek like Taekwoon had done to Hakyeon earlier, “You choose the smallest things to get fussy over. Don’t worry, there are things I’d only do for you.”

**

Taekwoon knew the Secret Santa party would be draining, he just wasn't expecting to almost fall asleep on Hakyeon as a result. Leaning on Hakyeon while he was half asleep was something Taekwoon didn’t know he would enjoy until he had to force himself off of him. He wanted to cling on to the lulling warmth of Hakyeon’s body instead of getting up to go home to his empty bed.

“Thanks…” Taekwoon said softly after hoisting a sleeping Sanghyuk into his arms, “for earlier.”

Hakyeon didn’t catch on to what Taekwoon was talking about until a thoughtful second later. He raised his brows, “Oh, that? It was nothing, I was just telling the truth.”

Taekwoon breathed slowly, fatigue chipping away at his energy, and all he could offer was a small smile, “Still. You made me feel better.”

“It’s, um…” Hakyeon said meekly, but looked pleased, “no problem.”

While it was tiring, the party had been fun and was something he and Sanghyuk needed going into the holiday season. Hakyeon had thought it was understandable to be missing Nayoung, but that it was also okay for him to enjoy himself, to live his life. Taekwoon wasn’t living through the motions anymore and he knew he was capable of more expressive emotions like happiness, but it was easy to notice the missing person in the picture.

After getting home and helping Sanghyuk get ready for bed, Taekwoon took his time going about his nightly routine. By all means he should’ve been tired enough to instantly fall asleep the moment he touched his pillow, but when he stepped out of his steamy bathroom he didn’t feel tired enough to sleep. Instead, Taekwoon grabbed his blanket and Hakyeon’s candle and brought them into the living room.

He bundled himself up in his blanket and lit the candle with a kitchen lighter after turning on the television on the lowest volume and a nearby lamp. Taekwoon had already burnt through half of the candle with somewhat regular use ever since he got it. At times Taekwoon burnt the candle to help himself fall asleep or relax and other times he lit the small candle just to be reminded of Hakyeon.

The dim light of the lamp casted a warm glow across the room, illuminating objects with enough light to tell what was what. Taekwoon laid down, his legs curled up against his body and his head on the armrest as he allowed his senses to sink into the swirl of lavender.

The last time Taekwoon had slept in his living room, he could barely catch two hours of consistent sleep. He felt wide awake, cold, and lonely as he stared at his ceiling dyed in the cool hue of night. And now, Taekwoon’s eyes fluttered with lazy consciousness buried in warmth as his left hand tingled when he recalled how Hakyeon’s fingers tickled over his callouses.

If there was a way to rid Taekwoon of his worries and fears, he needed to know. He felt close to bursting.

With a shaky breath, Taekwoon turned over and away from the open area of his living room, taking in the residual warmth hitting his face. He desperately wanted his feelings for Hakyeon to be authentic and not be something he conjured up from loneliness and grief. He wanted to be able to maintain a proper relationship, one that Hakyeon deserved.

Taekwoon groaned and shut his eyes– he was starting to overthink himself into a headache. His eyelids felt sore and retreating to his bedroom was becoming preferable. Taekwoon picked his head up slightly so he could blow out the candle and go to bed when he noticed a sliver of silver protruding from the pool of wax. It was odd and Taekwoon wasn’t sure what it was but it didn’t belong in the candle.

He blew out the candle and dug out a pair of tweezers to pull out the mystery object. Enough of the wax had melted or became malleable enough for Taekwoon to easily extract what turned out to be a neatly folded aluminum foil square. He took it to the kitchen to gently washed off the wax and unfolded it over his kitchen counter to reveal a folded note inside.

_Taekwoonie~! Happy Birthday~!_

_Even if our first meeting was questionable, I’m glad I was able to meet you because I think I would be living my life a lot differently if I hadn’t. There’s a lot I want to say, but I just want you to know that you can depend on me for anything and to never feel like a bother for it. I’ll always be there for you, even when life gets hard._

_Hakyeon, your lifelong friend :)_

_P.S. I’ve never put notes in candles before so hopefully this didn’t burn hehe_

Taekwoon’s first reaction was to laugh– this was such a Hakyeon thing to do. His face warmed up from keeping his laugh contained and from how touching the few sentences were, smiling down at the note he clutched in his right hand. The inner corners of his eyes tingled and he closed his eyes tightly as he felt something come over him.  

**

When he saw Hakyeon two afternoons later coming into the cafe in an exhausted swinging of limbs, Taekwoon didn’t say anything about the hidden note. Even in the middle of winter, Hakyeon still managed to glow like it was the summer solstice. Nothing necessarily changed between them, but Taekwoon felt nervous as Hakyeon approached. He reached up to adjust the Santa hat Jaehwan had forced onto his head. Not like there were any readily available mirrors for Taekwoon to check if he looked like an idiot or not.

“Busy today?” Hakyeon asked, his arms shivering a bit.

“It usually gets like this during this time of year,” Taekwoon replied. “Everybody’s last minute shopping.”

Christmas was in a few days and to match the upcoming holiday, Jaehwan had covered the whole cafe in decorations before Taekwoon came in to get the cafe started up for the day. Jaehwan had even put up mistletoe above the entrance and kitchen doors, which was where Taekwoon drew the line. Having the mistletoe over the entrance was one thing, but having it over the kitchen doors made no sense when it was only them walking through its doors.

They talked a bit about gift shopping, something Hakyeon had surprisingly left to the last minute. Taekwoon himself had all of his gifts wrapped and tagged, except for one. He didn’t know what to get Hakyeon and he didn’t want to resort to something generic. While gifts for Jaehwan and Wonshik were easy to think of, he couldn’t figure out a meaningful gift for Hakyeon.

“And a medium hot chocolate? My fingers are really cold,” Hakyeon complained with a pout, rubbing his hands together after relaying his order.

Taekwoon took out the white-frosted vanilla cake slice Hakyeon wanted and placed the plated cake down before holding his hand out expectantly at Hakyeon. Hakyeon stopped and looked at Taekwoon’s hand like it grew an extra finger.

“Let me see.” Taekwoon wasn’t sure why he was doing this, but Hakyeon did as he was asked before Taekwoon could change his mind and _oh_ , that was really cold.

“Ack, you’re cold,” Taekwoon said when Hakyeon placed his palm over Taekwoon’s, his fingers the coldest while at the same time the softest. Taekwoon studied Hakyeon’s fingers, wondering what they would have looked like moving to music. They looked elegant in a way, as if they were used to doing more than just typing up lesson plans and writing on chalkboards.   

“That’s what I told you.”

Taekwoon brought his other hand over Hakyeon’s, sandwiching it in place as he began to rub warmth back into Hakyeon’s hand. It seemed like the most natural thing to do and it was something he did for Sanghyuk on multiple occasions, as well as Nayoung. Taekwoon would do this, and a lot more, for Hakyeon. He felt the same way Hakyeon did in that note, willing to make sacrifices for Hakyeon and offer a supportive shoulder whenever he needed it. Taekwoon wanted to be there for Hakyeon at the end of the day with a cup of tea and steady arms to embrace him.

He looked up at Hakyeon, “Better?”     

His love for Hakyeon wasn’t built on weak foundations.

“Yeah,” it was like the heat of friction had spread from Hakyeon’s fingers to the rest of his body as Hakyeon made an effort to downplay his smile, his lips thin, “thanks.”

Taekwoon wanted nothing more than to never let go.

**

Christmas– a day that had a way of changing the air, filling it with high spirits and giddy squeals. Taekwoon woke up to squeals and a weight on his chest which he blearily recognized in his barely awake state as his precious bundle of joy grinning down at him in his pajamas.

“Merry Christmas Dad!”

Taekwoon managed to unearth his arms to lift Sanghyuk off his chest and plop him down on the bed. He propped himself up on his elbow, his hand resting under his jawline with a loose smile, “Merry Christmas Hyukkie. Did you check to see if Santa ate the cookies you made for him?”

“Nope! I wanted you to go with me!” Sanghyuk threw his hands up. “Do you think Santa gave me a present?”

“I’m sure he did. You’ve been good this year,” Taekwoon got himself out of bed and picked Sanghyuk up to bring him over to the living room. It was around eight a.m. and not all that early for Taekwoon to be awake.

Sanghyuk excitedly pointed at the empty plate left out on the table and Taekwoon played along, loving how Sanghyuk had demanded to be put down so he could investigate the plate. Eating a few cookies at midnight was the least Taekwoon could do to keep up the fantasy of Santa Claus for Sanghyuk, who was jumping around in disbelief.

“Where did Santa put my present though?” Sanghyuk asked with worry. “We don’t have a tree.”

It also wasn’t much trouble slipping Sanghyuk’s present under his bed while he slept, “I’ll try to get a tree for next year, okay? But this year, I think Santa might have left your present under your bed.”

“Ah!”

Sanghyuk made a mad dash for his bedroom while Taekwoon decided to get started on their breakfast. They were going to his parents’ place for the day and come night, he would be back home spending spending the last few hours of Christmas with his friends. Taekwoon didn’t have much planned since lounging around was enough for him, Jaehwan, and Wonshik. He was sure Hakyeon had his own plans for the holiday and had only asked if Hakyeon would like to join on a whim. That whim being Jaehwan.

“Daaaad!!” Sanghyuk shouted, making his grand return to the kitchen with a brightly wrapped rectangular box covered in cartoon snowmen in his arms. “Santa got me something! Oh, and I got you a present too”

The box was almost as large as Sanghyuk and as a result, Sanghyuk could barely see past it. Sanghyuk placed the large box on the floor first and then presented Taekwoon a small white tin with a red present bow and a drawing of a snowman on the tin. Taekwoon took it, recognizing the drawing as Sanghyuk’s. He bent down to kiss Sanghyuk on the forehead.

“Thank you Hyukkie. This is really nice and I like how you drew the snowman.”

“Your welcome! Mr. Chanyeol said you can put a lot of things in it, like cookies. I put chocolate and candy canes in it though.”

Taekwoon opened the tin and indeed finding assorted chocolates and small candy canes inside. It was a cute gift, one that Sanghyuk spent time at least drawing. It was simple, but it made Taekwoon even happier to know Sanghyuk had made him something.

When Taekwoon told Sanghyuk he could open his own present from Santa, Sanghyuk went to town on it, ripping up the snowmen into tiny pieces until the Lego kit underneath was freed. Sanghyuk giggled up at Taekwoon stupefied and it took a lot of convincing to keep Sanghyuk from playing with it until they came home later at night.

It also took some convincing to get Sanghyuk to realize that cookies weren’t meant to be a meal, let alone breakfast. Taekwoon made chocolate chip pancakes for Sanghyuk, making sure to add a “super duper lot!” of chocolate chips to Sanghyuk’s serving. He would probably hate himself later for the choice, but it was Christmas.

“I got you something for Christmas too,” Taekwoon said after Sanghyuk had finished eating. He didn’t need Sanghyuk choking on pancakes this early in the morning.

“Oooh!” Sanghyuk sat in booster seat with anticipation, practically standing up on the chair, when Taekwoon took out a present from behind his back and gave it to Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk immediately tore into it, throwing the solid blue present wrapping on the floor to uncover a white box. Once Sanghyuk let the cardboard lid fall to the floor, he gasped.

**

“I can’t believe you let him wear that green dinosaur onesie the whole day,” Jaehwan whispered to Taekwoon, careful of Sanghyuk who was sleeping away in his booster seat.  

“Jaehwan,” Taekwoon said plainly and seriously, “you can’t convince me you don’t think Hyukkie looks cute in it. He was wagging the tail around all day and roaring at everything. I have video proof.”

“I wish I was your kid– you spoil Sanghyuk so much,” Jaehwan sighed.

“I don’t think I would want you as a kid,” Taekwoon replied, merging onto the freeway to head back to the part of Seoul they lived in. Both he and Jaehwan had headed back to their childhood homes for Christmas and had decided to carpool to and from the neighborhood they grew up in. Christmas with his parents and older sisters was nice, if at times overwhelming. Taekwoon knew they meant well, but sometimes they acted like he would break with a simple touch if they weren’t careful.

At most, it only served to remind Taekwoon of what happened less than a year ago.

“What?! Why?! I’m super loveable! I’m a Mommy’s boy! Moms love me!”

“My own Mom thought I intimidated you into coming home with me,” Taekwoon said like that was the main reason why he didn’t want anything to do with a literal child version of Jaehwan. If anything, Jaehwan was the kid other mother’s set as the standard for their own kids to meet. He remembered his own mother telling Taekwoon he should be more like Jaehwan in the cheerful and cute area.  

“Eh, she’s not wrong,” Jaehwan shrugged.

Taekwoon shook his head and mumbled, “How are we even friends?”

“You loooove me,” Jaehwan shot Taekwoon a dorky smile.

Taekwoon sighed and glanced in the rearview mirror to see Sanghyuk with his head knocked back, mouth wide open, sleeping. Never would Taekwoon have thought at sixteen he would be a single parent of such an amazing kid while doing what he loved for a living. It seemed unrealistic and in some cases, like he had hit the jackpot or done a good deed in a past life. Then again, he also never would have thought the cruelest of life’s misfortunes would hit him so young. Life was a complete toss up for Taekwoon– he couldn’t take anything for granted anymore.

“I’m going to tell him tonight.”

Jaehwan wasn’t paying attention when Taekwoon made the statement so he snapped his head toward Taekwoon, “Wait, what.”

“I’m going to tell him,” Taekwoon repeated with a greater sense of conviction. With every second that ticked by and street sign that blurred by, the closer Taekwoon was getting to confessing everything.

“What.”

Taekwoon frowned and threw a quick glare at Jaehwan, “You’re doing that on purpose.”

“No, I’m actually not,” Jaehwan said dumbfounded. “I know I bugged you–” Jaehwan cleared his throat when Taekwoon looked at him dubiously, “okay, bothered you about it every other day, but you don’t have to tell him if you’re not ready. It’s okay for you to go at your own pace.”

“I know.” It could be the holiday season disorienting Taekwoon’s senses, causing him to make this decision. However, for as long as Hakyeon kept calling his name with his contagious smile and lovely eyes, Taekwoon wouldn’t be able to stop caring for Hakyeon the way he did. More than anything, Taekwoon felt like Hakyeon deserved to know and Taekwoon had finally gathered up the resolve to do so.

Jaehwan went back to facing the road, “I’m glad. I can tell Hakyeon-hyung makes you really happy.”

“...Yeah,” Taekwoon’s fingers tightened around the wheel, “I think he does.”

**

In between driving Jaehwan to his apartment and driving back to his own apartment to make sure Sanghyuk bathed and changed out of the onesie he had been wearing all day, Taekwoon had an hour before Jaehwan came with Wonshik and Hongbin and two hours before Hakyeon arrived. As soon as he helped Sanghyuk dry off, Taekwoon went to put together a cookie decoration station for Sanghyuk and Hongbin to amuse themselves with.

“Merry Christmas Uncle Taekwoon!” Hongbin exclaimed when Taekwoon opened the door for him, Wonshik, and Jaehwan.

“Merry Christmas hyung,” Wonshik said, clearly bearing gifts in his arms.

“Merry Christmas,” Taekwoon ruffled Hongbin’s hair, spurring giggles out of the kid. Sanghyuk had come rushing out as soon as he heard his friend was at the door, just as the cookies were finished baking.

Once the kids collected their presents from the adults and the cookies had cooled down enough, Taekwoon let them have fun decorating sugar cookies he had cut into shapes. It helped Taekwoon take his mind off of what he was going to do later that night, praising the kids’ creative skills and listening to how Jaehwan and Wonshik’s day had gone.

“I can’t believe Jonghyun-hyung got Hongbin this freaking game,” Wonshik said as he moved his dog token across the board, passing over jail. “Who gets a kid Monopoly?”

“Technically it’s Monopoly Junior,” Jaehwan corrected, snatching the dies to roll.

“Which is meant for kids,” Taekwoon added. It was beyond him why the three of them were playing the game when the kids were busy amusing themselves with other things. “He probably just wanted to mess around because Hongbin _is_ Taemin’s kid.”

Eventually they were able to wrangle the kids into playing the game with promises of more cookies and milk and it wasn’t long before the doorbell rang.

“Hyukkie, don’t let Uncle Jaehwan tell you what to do, alright?” Taekwoon said to Sanghyuk, who gave Taekwoon a thumbs up. Taekwoon chuckled and left to go to the door.

“Merry Christmas, Taekwoonie,” Hakyeon immediately brightened up when Taekwoon opened the door, his ears and nose colored red from the cold. Taekwoon was momentarily struck, as if this was the first time in weeks he had seen Hakyeon. Instead, it was only a few days and Taekwoon hoped he wasn’t giving away his nervousness.

_I’m going to tell him tonight._

“Merry Christmas, Hakyeon.”

The kids quickly ran over to the door, way too hyped up on sugar when they exchanged holiday greetings with Hakyeon. Taekwoon watched Hakyeon come in and everything seemed to gravitate toward him as soon as he did. The kids followed after him and they all huddled around Hakyeon as he passed out presents. Hakyeon had a good sense for it, Taekwoon thought.

“I’ll give you your present later, Taekwoon,” Hakyeon said with an embarrassed smile.

Jaehwan made a noise that alluded it to being something inappropriate, for which Taekwoon glared at him in warning. It didn’t make any difference what Hakyeon had gotten him, just that he had gotten him a gift in the first place. And then Taekwoon was reminded of his own gift for Hakyeon, which was sitting on his dresser unwrapped.

“I...don’t really have your gift ready yet.”

Hakyeon quirked his brow at Taekwoon and teasingly said, “I thought you got all your Christmas gift shopping done already?”

“I did,” Taekwoon stared down at his lap. Hakyeon’s gift was the one gift that stumped Taekwoon for days. In the end, it had been an impulse buy. “I mean, I have it but I haven’t gotten a chance to wrap it and write a card.”   

“That’s fine,” Hakyeon said, apparently not having a problem with it.

“Um…” Taekwoon brushed his bangs back only for them to fall back into place, “later then…”

Jaehwan and Wonshik immediately shot up with their jackets and the kids in their arms as soon as Hakyeon went to the bathroom. Taekwoon looked at them in alarm, mostly because they didn’t even give him any warning they were pulling this sort of stunt. Jaehwan and Wonshik must’ve planned this on their way over, purposefully leaving Taekwoon out of it to see him flounder.

“Hyukkie, Binnie, let’s go get some ramen and buy snacks! Uncle Wonshik will be paying for us.” Jaehwan said without waiting for their response, grabbing their jackets that were hanging off the back of the couch.

“What are you doing?” Taekwoon hissed, looking back toward the hallway to make sure Hakyeon hadn’t come back yet.

“We’re giving you guys thirty minutes,” Wonshik informed with a cheeky smile. “Good luck hyung.”

“Oooh, what’s Dad doing?” Sanghyuk asked Jaehwan as Jaehwan was getting Sanghyuk into his jacket.

“Something brave,” Jaehwan replied, zipping Sanghyuk’s jacket up.

Taekwoon blushed, “I–It’s nothing like that.”

Jaehwan rolled his eyes, picking up Sanghyuk and bringing him over to Taekwoon, “Go kiss your Dad Hyukkie. He’s going to need to not spontaneously combust.”

“Muwah!” Sanghyuk smacked a wet kiss on Taekwoon’s cheek and then Jaehwan pulled him away with a, “See you later hyung.”   

In the matter of a minute, Taekwoon was alone in his living room with an abandoned board game and at a total loss for words. There was no backing out now, or rather, he couldn’t back out. Taekwoon still had his fears, but it was the right time to finally tell Hakyeon after these past few weeks.

“Where did they go?” Hakyeon asked when he came back.

“Out to buy snacks,” Taekwoon stood up and walked toward Hakyeon. “It might take them a while. I’ll go get your present now.”

He left Hakyeon alone to retrieve the square black jewelry box that was waiting for him on his dresser. However, Taekwoon stood in his room for longer than necessary, staring at the box he held with a trembling hand. He wasn’t the type to let his emotions get the better of him and yet Taekwoon was scared he would just blurt everything out without any need for tact. Taekwoon clutched at his wedding ring hanging around his neck.

**

“Here,” Taekwoon sat down on Hakyeon’s right and looked away from him when he presented the box to Hakyeon. “Sorry it’s not a box of hand warmers.”

“Are you shy about what I’ll think?” Hakyeon laughed softly, not covering his mouth like he usually did. “Taekwoon, look at me please. I’m sure I’ll love it and the hand warmers were sort of a joke.”

It wasn’t just that Taekwoon was shy about it, but his nerves were running high with anticipation for what he was going to tell Hakyeon. So many things were running through his head– what if Hakyeon actually didn’t feel the same? What if Taekwoon was about to ruin their friendship? There were so many possibilities and most of the ones Taekwoon thought up were negative. Nevertheless, he turned to watch Hakyeon snap the box open. Taekwoon couldn’t see the object he had placed in it until Hakyeon picked it out of the box with care.

“It’s pretty,” Hakyeon said in awe, looking over the thin silver bangle he was holding, turning it over. The flat, silver bracelet didn’t go all the way around, leaving an opening in the otherwise ovular object. “Oh, Taekwoon, this must’ve cost a lot. Is this because of the time we were talking about diamond bracelets?”

Taekwoon had almost forgotten about that conversation they had in a distant cafe back then, taking a second to jog his memory. They had been talking about diamond bracelets and Hakyeon said he would only give it to a person he cared about deeply. “It didn’t cost as much as you think– I bought myself one too. I’m relieved you think it’s nice.”

Hakyeon perked up at hearing Taekwoon had a matching one too, “So is this like a couple item?”

Taekwoon clamed up. Hakyeon was going to drive him crazy. “If you want it to be.”  

Hakyeon slid the bangle on to his left wrist, holding his arm up and causing the silver jewelry to slide midway down his forearm, “Does it look okay?”

“Yeah,” Taekwoon motioned for Hakyeon’s wrist, holding it underhand so he could play with the quickly warming metal. He had been out running errands and walked by a jewelry store that had the bracelets on display. Taekwoon had only thought it would look nice against Hakyeon’s skin, the style fitting. More than anything, Taekwoon wanted to have a matching pair with Hakyeon, “It looks really good.”

“I’ll make sure to take care of it. Here, let me give you yours,” Hakyeon said, smiling down at the bracelet. With his free hand, Hakyeon gave Taekwoon the rectangular black box that was resting on his lap. Taekwoon let go of Hakyeon in favor of opening it, his thumb smoothing down the gold ribbon and felt before he took off the lid.

“We got each other jewelry,” was the first thing Taekwoon said with amusement, lifting a silver chain necklace simple in design out of the box. It was a beautiful necklace that wasn’t too obvious and had a light weight to it. He placed the box down and said, “And _you_ were going to yell at me for spending money.”

“I have more than enough to spare– I’m good at saving up,” Hakyeon shot back and then he twisted his hands together. “I was thinking you could use it for your ring, if you want. I overheard Jaehwan saying the one you wear is from high school.”

“It is,” Taekwoon turned so that his back was to Hakyeon. The necklace was old and had been sitting in a drawer for the better part of the decade.Taekwoon had used it mostly because it was one of the only necklaces he owned and it matched well the ring. He peered at Hakyeon over his shoulder and then quickly averted his gaze, “Could you change it for me?”        

“I’d love to.”

Taekwoon felt the sofa dip as Hakyeon moved closer and Taekwoon dipped his head a bit when he felt Hakyeon’s fingers on his nape undoing his necklace. He didn’t say anything, letting Hakyeon slide the necklace off his neck, giving him unspoken permission to slide his wedding ring off the old necklace and onto the new necklace Taekwoon had held up for him.

“Hakyeon.”

“Yeah?” Hakyeon placed the old necklace on the table with a small click. Taekwoon couldn’t see what Hakyeon was doing, but he guessed the other was stringing the new necklace through his ring.

“Do you think it’s too soon for me to fall in love again?” Taekwoon kept his head down and was thankful his hair had grown long enough to cover the tips of his undoubtedly pink ears. He felt Hakyeon’s arm come around front to grab the other end of the necklace, Hakyeon’s sleeve brushing against Taekwoon’s cheek.

“If you aren’t ready, then I would think so. If you are, then I think whoever you fall in love with is a lucky person to have you.”

“What if I’m in love, but I’m not sure if I’m ready?”

Hakyeon didn’t reply promptly. Taekwoon could feel Hakyeon struggling with the clasp between his fingers and only when Taekwoon felt the necklace come to rest on his nape did he deduce Hakyeon was done, “If the person you love is understanding, take a chance.”

Taekwoon adjusted himself back to how he was originally sitting, close enough that his knees were touching Hakyeon’s, “Does it look alright?”

Hakyeon’s eyes flickered down to Taekwoon’s collarbone, then back up to his face. Almost like he had been holding his breathe, Hakyeon exhaled slowly with a smile, “It looks perfect.”  

It made Taekwoon dizzy from having Hakyeon so close, his gentle and loving smiles made solely for him in this instance, and all Taekwoon knew how to do was search Hakyeon’s eyes languidly when they fell quiet. His chest felt heavy and light at the same time, conflicted over speaking or drinking in the building air between them. One thing was for certain and that was the force of his heart beating against his ribs.

“Hakyeon–”

“Taekwoon–”

They blinked at each other for a few seconds until Hakyeon was the first one to break the awkward pause with a shy laugh. Taekwoon followed suit, tilting his head to the side so he could scratch his jawline. The weight on his chest lightened a bit.

“You first,” Hakyeon encouraged.

“I,” Taekwoon laced his fingers together on his lap, his eyes downturned, “found your note in your candle. I know I don’t say this sort of stuff out loud, but I’m glad I met you too. I know I depend on you a lot so I just want you to know I’m here for you too and I don’t mind staying by your side either.”

“That’s a relief, I was scared it would burn,” Hakyeon said. “I’m glad we both feel the same way, honestly.”  

“I like being with you because you look at me as a person, not my misfortunes, and…” Taekwoon took a deep breath– he didn’t dare face Hakyeon as the next few words finally found their release, “I think I started falling in love, somewhere along the way.”

Nobody moved in the following moment and Taekwoon tried not to think about what could possibly be going through Hakyeon’s head. Hakyeon wouldn’t fault Taekwoon for being honest and he wasn’t cruel enough to distance himself away from Taekwoon either in the event he didn’t accept Taekwoon’s confession. Hakyeon was too nice, at least, that was what Taekwoon hoped.

“Do…” Hakyeon’s voice came cautiously, “do you really mean that?”

“It’s fine if you think it’s weird,” Taekwoon said quickly, tightening his fingers. God, he was stupid. He shouldn’t have done this.

“No, no, no,” Hakyeon’s hand then tugged at Taekwoon’s interlocked ones, urging them to separate. Once he managed to steal Taekwoon’s left hand, Hakyeon held it between his hands, “It’s not like that at all. Taekwoon…”

Hakyeon suddenly came into his line of sight, his head lowered so he could peer up at Taekwoon. He had a strange combination of concern and happiness in his expression as he gripped Taekwoon’s hand feverently, “I was going to tell you I had feelings for you and that I would understand if you couldn’t return them. I wasn’t expecting much and I just...I didn’t think you would take that chance on me.”   

Taekwoon opened his mouth, but he couldn’t even think of anything to say. At least, nothing outside of a, “Really?” Hakyeon, a man who commanded his life to be how he wanted it to be, feeling love for someone like Taekwoon, who always seemed to make compromises with the hand he’s been dealt. Sure Jaehwan had continuously insisted that Hakyeon felt something more than friendship for him and still Taekwoon felt like this wasn’t real life.

Hakyeon took Taekwoon’s hand and pressed soft, dry lips to it, over and over, “Yes.”

It was such a simple gesture, one that was causing Taekwoon to short circuit, “Are...you sure? I can’t promise anything and you’ll have to wait for me for some things.” Taekwoon still wasn’t sure if he could offer Hakyeon the luxuries of a good partner nor could he figure out the capacity of his love for Hakyeon– would it even be enough?

Hakyeon pulled Taekwoon into a hug, one of his hands coming up to press against the back of Taekwoon’s head, fingers weaving through his hair. Hakyeon rested his chin over Taekwoon’s shoulder, his other hand now properly holding Taekwoon’s, “What I wrote in that note still stands. I know it’ll be hard, but I’m willing to wait as long as it takes– even a lifetime. Just know that I… I really care about you Taekwoonie, okay?”

Taekwoon’s free hand took hold of Hakyeon’s shirt when it failed to find something to keep it occupied and he couldn’t recall when he last received a hug from a grown person that wasn’t laced with the sympathy of strangers and distant acquaintances. This one was reassuring, filled with promises and free of any expectations. It made Taekwoon feel hopeful as he cradled his head into the nook of Hakyeon’s neck, his fingers tightening around Hakyeon’s (it felt so _right_ to be holding Hakyeon’s hand), as he took in the comforting scent of rosemary and lavender.

Maybe he would be okay.    

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long journey and now we've hit the end aaahhh!! This was my first long fic and just fleakjfafqlk you guys have been so nice and sweet and supportive and amazing I really couldn't have done it without you guys :') I literally clutch at my heart and make noises to cope with all your comments. Thank you for taking the time to read this long story and for suffering through my rusty writing at the beginning as well as my nonexistent update schedule. 
> 
> I'll definitely be writing more for this au at some point in the future but until then, I'll see you in the next one!  
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/zeroo_cb)  
>  


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